Is this peace or denial I'm feeling?

As I mentioned back in August, when we were first told about Tristan having Trisomy 18 and being considered "incompatible with life" we were devastated, shocked, unable to even comprehend how we would go on with our every day lives knowing we would eventually lose our precious baby boy. Those first 2 weeks were so hard! All we knew to do was hold each other, cry, pray and ask the Lord to give us guidance, peace and understanding (if there was any understanding, this side of Heaven). In September, the peace did come and we started to heal as a family, we talk about Tristan all the time and long for him to be born so we can hold him and love him, for whatever time the Lord gives us, and that same excitement and fun we used to have in our home, before August 15th, is back. It's hard to believe it was 2 months and 4 days ago that we found out about Tristan having Trisomy 18. In a way it feels like yesterday and at the same time it seems so long ago that we started down this "Trisomy 18 road". As with any tragedy, I believe the first few days of devastation, shock and complete misery just linger on and on and you honestly don't think they will ever end or that you will ever feel like yourself again! Last night I told Trayc that I was a little concerned that I don't cry about Tristan anymore and that I still feel such a peace about him and I am concerned that maybe it's not peace I feel, maybe it's just my heart putting up a wall so it won't hurt so bad or maybe it has become dull and numb to the pain so I am just in a state of denial. See, for me, the normal in a hard situation would be to just let my emotions be in control and totally consume me to the point that I would dwell in the misery for a long time and just cry and cry and cry. I have a very big and soft heart which tends to make me an emotionally driven person so for me to feel this VERY REAL SENSE OF PEACE at the most difficult and tragic time in my life is unusual. In years past when Trayc and I would have problems arise we'd fix them, we'd go on and then I'd feel a peace, but now I really wonder if "peace" was the right word for those times because it was nothing like what I am feeling right now and never this profound. I have never in my life felt this, it is so real and so comforting. Sure, I know that the days are quickly approaching for Tristan to be born which also brings the realization that (barred a miracle) we will not have him for long and yet I feel such a peace about that! Wow, that is just huge for me to even acknowledge but at the same time I know the Lord is the one giving us this peace, we have asked and begged Him for peace and He is supplying it. Please pray that we, as a family, will continue to feel this peace as we approach the last 7 1/2 weeks of our pregnancy.

Romans 5:1-4 says: " Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope." And John 14:27 says, "Peace, I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives so I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."