Thursday, October 4, 2007

Doctor's appt.

I had a doctor's appt./sonogram this afternoon at 2:30 pm. We couldn't wait to get there and see what Tristan's progress had been in the last 3 weeks. His heart rate was 145, he now weighs 2 lbs. 6 oz., his measurements are right where they should be and he has not developed any other "soft markers" (besides the .4 hole in his heart and his clenched hands) but the best news of all was that he opened his hand, stuck out his thumb and then closed his hand (we feel like this is a huge accomplishment because Trisomy 18 babies hands are always clenched) - we were excited. We've made it 29 weeks! We told Tanner that Tristan was saying, "I am still alive and kicking in here brother and I can't wait to see you." He just smiled. See, this has been very difficult for Tanner too, he's 11 yr. old and completely understands everything that is going on with Tristan. He loves being a BIG BROTHER to Tayden and he already had so many of his own plans for Tristan. What was extremely hard the first few weeks was trying to explain through my tears (as he would sit beside me crying) that the Lord has a reason for this, that we were going to be okay, that we were going to make it through and become stronger because of it, that we WOULD get through this together and that we just have to trust in the Lord to give us the strength when we are so sad. Have you ever tried to help your child understand a tragedy when you just feel like falling apart yourself and really aren't sure you even believe your own words? This is the first time Trayc and I have ever experienced tragedy so we are trying to get through this and help Tanner at the same time. This is difficult!!!! The one thing we have not done with Tanner is to hide our feelings and emotions because we want him to see how the Lord is working during this difficult time, how He will get us through this and how we would feel whole again and have a peace about it. The Lord IS already working in such a real and powerful way and it is so apparent, I can't explain the sweet peace and excitement we ALL feel in our home right now. We can finally talk, without crying, about Tristan just like he is a normal, healthy baby. Every time Tristan kicks I get Tanner to feel him (I home-school so he's home all day) and then he puts his head on my stomach and talks to Tristan just like he did with Tayden - now this brings tears to my eyes because I know the day will come when Tristan will will no longer be with us and these moments will become a memory for Tanner. Please pray that our family will continue to feel the sweet peace and excitement we are experiencing right now.

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