Sunday, September 2, 2007

A Bible verse I've heard a thousand times

Today was our first Sunday back to Sunday School and church since we found out about Tristan on August 15th, so we've been out 4 weeks. I was really afraid to go back today because I didn't know if my emotions would just completely take over as I walked through the nursery to take Tayden, our 1 1/2 yr. old, to his class, or if I talked to people along the way because I didn't honestly know how many people would know yet. I did really good walking through the nursery making sure I didn't look into the 1st class (that's where the new babies that are 6 weeks old go which unfortunately would never be Tristan's class) and then I made it to my S.S. class without running into anyone - I did so good. Until our teacher starts teaching, of all verses and of all mornings, he starts reading Psalm 139:13-16. All of a sudden I began crying, the tears just would not stop and at that point I thought, great - I knew I shouldn't have come, I should have just stayed home, it's just too soon to come back, but then I felt like the Lord placed His hands on me and I began to calm down and intently listened. I've been in church 3x's a week, my entire life, I've heard those verses a thousand times, it was even underlined in my Bible, but it has never meant what it did today. As the verses say, the Lord (He himself, not medical science) formed Tristan's inward parts and He covered Tristan in my womb! That is confirmation to me that the Lord knew before Tristan was conceived that he would have Trisomy 18, so how could I ever believe, like the "high-risk" doctors told me on August 15th, that this was just a FLUKE that happens at conception. Our precious unborn son, was not a fluke no matter what genetic disorder is, no matter what he might look like, no matter what his problems will be at birth, he is and will always be our family's 3rd miracle from the Lord because He formed Tristan and He has chosen us to be the parents Tristan needs!

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