Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day



Happy Valentine's Day! Well, today is supposed to be the big day for love, cards, roses, chocolates and a nice, quiet, romantic dinner for two at a quaint restaurant. That is how Trayc and I have shared every Valentines since we started dating in 1987. But this year was different, although Trayc was wanting to spend the evening alone, as we always do, I just couldn't bring myself to do it this year. I find myself needing to be with the boys more than ever before and I know it's because they make me feel like a mommy which I am really missing because of losing Tristan. I miss the 24 hr. care I gave Tristan, I felt like I was needed by him every second of the day for 56 days, whereas now my days (and definitely my nights!) seem so empty and I am trying to fill that void with Tanner and Tayden. Fortunately, Tayden has become this very sweet, loving, affectionate little boy who has been hugging on me since the first day of our trip, last week, so that has greatly helped me emotionally. However, I still miss my precious little boy so much.

Tanner is all about celebrations of any kind and today was no exception, so I got Tayden out of his bed and we got in Tanner's bed and all snuggled for about an hour, we made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and then Tanner made Valentine cards for my mom and step-dad. I should have taken a picture of the cards because they were so sweet - he decorated them with lots of colored hearts and then made 3 hearts in the middle of the paper and wrote Tanner, Tayden and Tristan on it! He misses Tristan so much - he said, "Tristan celebrated his 1st Valentines in Heaven with Jesus today". Oh, he was so sincere, I smiled and said, "Yes baby, he did" but on the inside my heart just crumbled and I fought back the tears. We had a great today together and then Tanner was so excited that he was actually go out to dinner WITH US for Valentines so we asked where he wanted to go and he said, "Koi", it's his favorite Japanese Steakhouse, so we all went to dinner and had a wonderful family night. I am so thankful for a sweet husband who understands that although I would love to spend a nice, quiet, evening alone with him, I just need to be with my boys right now.

Please continue praying for our family as we deal with the loss of our precious little boy and for me as I continue trying to work through these first few weeks of night hours that seem to be the most difficult for me.

Happy Valentine's Day from our family to yours........
Trayc, Yvette, Tanner and Tayden

23 comments:

Karalyn said...

Happy Valentine's Day Hostetters. You are always in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

THINKING OF YOU AND READING YOUR UPDATE WITH TEARS IN MY EYE'S! STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS! PRAYING!

Dawn Weninger
Carrington, ND

Anonymous said...

THINKING OF YOU AND READING YOUR UPDATE WITH TEARS IN MY EYE'S. GOD BLESS!

Emily said...

You made it. Big holiday #1 with Tristan in Heaven: complete. I'm proud and thanking God for giving you the grace (and the boys!) to carry you through. I'm praying you through tonight, too, and asking the Lord to calm your mind and body long enough to enjoy a deep slumber tonight. I know your boy is having a blast with Jesus and my girl tonight. THEY know what LOVE truly is. :)

Anonymous said...

Still praying for your sweet family.

Mary in TN

Jen in Al said...

Praying for your sweet family! you are such a great mom! jen in al

Laurie said...

I am so glad to read that you had a good family night out last night. I am praying each day for you and your family as you move forward during this time. May the Lord restore you to peace and comfort at night so that you get good sleep. I miss Tristan too.

Love and Hugs,
Laurie in Ca.

Jeanie said...

Happy Valentines Day to you all too!
What a sweet family night! I know your boys must have just loved it--and Tanner will remember that celebration for every Valentines day from here on.
God has so blessed your family!

Ashley and I are still praying for you in the evenings.

Zac and Jenny said...

You have been blessed with a wonderful family. Your boys sound super sweet and your husband is loving and compassionate!

I wanted to tell you that each time I see a picture of you I think "Gosh I love her hair." You look great and have great hair. You are beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I can understand how important it must be to be with your children at this time! I'm sure they give you such a sense of comfort during these difficult days! I'm glad your husband understands.

Prayers continue for your family! Just know that you have been such a blessing to so many! God Bless You!

Rebecca said...

Hugs...

I look at the photo of Tristan I keep on my computer often. He's beautiful...

Rebecca

So Blessed said...

Thank you for sharing your Valentine celebration with us...your family is always in my thoughts and in my prayers.

Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com) said...

Yvette,
we got through it and I am so happy to hear you had a nice LOVE day with your family. I think taking the boys to dinner was smart - you do what you need to do when you need to do it. I agree with Emily - our babies know what TRUE love is this year and although I would choose to have them with us - we will be happy for them. I continue to pray for you and the boys (and Trayc too)
Love you,
Kim

Anonymous said...

Hostetters I will be praying for you. I lost my little baby Addison after just 26 days. She had T-18 as well along with some other birth defects. I never knew I could love a little baby so much until we lost her. You guys are so lucky to have enjoyed as much time as you did with Tristan. My little entered into to heaven January 28. I know the pain of losing a baby and I will keep you in my prayers as you guys continue to cope.

boltefamily said...

We are praying for your family, especially for the hearts of your boys!

Love,
Kristy

Kathy said...

Dear ones, thank you for sharing your pictures and testimony of how God is in all the details of your healing process. You all are so beautiful - outside and inside! Hope you continue to feel all the prayers lifting you up to the Father from all the people who have come to love and care for you, an amazing family of five!
Prayers and love from Michigan.

K said...

Thank you for sharing your family through your blog. My heart and prayers are with you at this time. I feel blessed to have learned about Trisomy 18 and Tristan's precious life.

Marianne said...

Yvette,

Thank you so much for sharing your heart: the joys and the pain. Your faith is anchored so deep in our Savior. I am sure that your entire being yearns for Tristan, but by God's grace, you continue to minister to your family and allow them to minister to you in a way that continues to build everyone's faith. AWESOME! Your family is in my prayers. God bless all of you as you press on.

Emily said...

As we were driving home from a long weekend trip at 2:15 a.m. this morning, I was lifting you up and asking God to let sleep deeply. Praying for you, precious friend.

siscaboo said...

Praying for you. I don't know if I have ever commented here before but, I have followed your story. Just wanted to say that I understand the feeling of needing your children with you.

Thanks for sharing all that you do.

The Adoption Of William said...

Praying and sending love your way!

God bless,

Jen-William's Mom

Laurie said...

Thinking about all of you today and sending love and prayers. I hope you have been able to start sleeping through the nights Yvette, although I am sure it will take time. I can only imagine how much Tristan is missed in your home. I miss him too. He will always be special in my heart.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

Christena said...

Dear Yvette,

I just glanced up at my wall calendar. Today's date, the 20th sits right above the 27th and when I saw that 27 I thought immediately of you and sweet Tristan. After following each of your daily posts for those wonderful 56 days, it's hard to believe that nearly a month has passed since your darling boy went to heaven. I know that even as your life slowly settles back into the old routines that you are missing Tristan all the time. I just wanted to let you know that you and your family continue to be an important part of my daily thoughts and prayers. I so hope that your nights are getting a little easier and that your pain is easing a bit.

Hugs,
Christena