Friday, August 24, 2007

Our new home

Today is filled with mixed emotions, we are so excited and at the same time, still very sad. We closed on our new home this morning, something we've been waiting for since last year, and we started moving in. What has really made it hard is that we did NOT expect to be moving in without setting up Tristan's nursery. We already had his bedroom and room decor picked out so we have had to make some last minute room adjustments. We now have Tayden in what was going to be Tristan's room, Tanner in what was going to be Tayden's room and the bedroom downstairs, which was going to be Tanner's, is now a den/playroom. We didn't want ANY empty rooms which would represent the loss/absence of Tristan in the future. We left all the baby furniture, bassinet, toys, clothes, etc. at my grandparent's house until we are able to emotionally make any kind of decisions about them. This might all seem as though we have given up on Tristan or that we do not believe the Lord may chose to heal him, let me assure you that is not the case, we have not given up hope, yet at the same time we feel as though we need to prepare for what we know from the amnio results. We are really hoping that Trayc will have to go get the bassinet and baby clothes because that would mean we are bringing Tristan home from the hospital - what a miracle that would be! Trayc has taken off work for the next 10 days so that we can move in, get unpacked, decorate and get settled in. His time off was planned well before we knew about Tristan having Trisomy 18, so his time off has changed somewhat, we are no longer on the "10 day crunch, have to work day and night to get the priority list done" as we were originally planning on. Oh sure, we're going to get things done but we really need this time for us as a family to be together, so that we can share our thoughts, cry our tears, talk about our fears and try to start healing. Please pray that we will ALLOW ourselves to be excited about our new home, that the next 10 days we will grow closer to each other, that we will begin healing from the pain we are feeling and that we will draw closer to the Lord.

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