Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Day 38 - My life song

Tristan had another rough night. His apnea monitor went off 5 times and he was fussy from about 3:00-5:00 am. He did have a better day today and he is now at 25 ml of formula, we've come a long way since he was born 38 days ago, he was only at 10 ml then - he should really be gaining some more weight soon. The excitement for today? We made it through yesterday, our first official "back to normal" life"! Although I really miss the mornings of laying in bed with Trayc and all 3 boys between us, getting up to eat breakfast at whatever time we want, spending our days as a family of 5 enjoying every single moment and having Christmas nightly, I guess it was good to begin getting back to normal, after all, we've done this the entire month of December and 7 days in January! When Trayc got home from work I immediately left and took Tanner to choir, it gave us one-on-one time for an hour. He was so excited when we pulled up at church and as he opened the door he smiled and said, "Bye mom, I love you!", seeing his excitement was definitely worth it because this was something Tanner was doing, not Tayden and not Tristan so he got all of my attention, all 100% of it. I sat in the car and waited on Tanner because I was not dressed for church and honestly just needed the time ALONE to think, to pray and listen to music. I listened to my favorite CD called Look Up, by the group Evidence. There is one song, in particular, that has deeply touched my heart since August. Let me explain. If you read our blog on August 15th you know the devastation we felt as the "high risk" doctors gave us the news that our little boy had T-18 and was considered "incompatible with life", our hopes and dreams for our little boy's future were crushed and we had no guarantees that he would even survive until December, as per statistics. When Trayc and I got in the car that day we were both crying and we held each other's hands, no words were said, after all what could be said in those moments, we were speechless! As Trayc turned the key to start the car the CD player started with the next song. The song was one I had listened to for months prior to that day, so I've heard it 100's of times, sung it 100's of times but I've never truly HEARD the words, if you know what I mean. As we drove home the song was playing and I HEARD EVERY WORD in a way I'd never heard it before - what a song, what words, what timing!!!! As I listened to the song on that very devastating day I told Trayc, "That should be my life song now, like my life verse?" I don't know, I've never heard of a life song, I made it up in that moment because the song was exactly how I was feeling. In the beginning I would literally cry every time I heard and sang the song, eventually it became a prayer (that I would sing to the Lord) when I didn't know how else to pray and now that Tristan is here it has become a song of thankfulness to the Lord for allowing us this time, and I sing it as a promise of obedience to Him as I say "whatever pathway You should choose I will see it as dry land!" To me this means that whatever way the Lord chooses for us and for Tristan's little life, no matter how long or how short, I will accept this as His plan for our lives. I hope as you listen to this song, you will HEAR the words, it will bless you and touch you, as it not only applies to me, a mom of a new T-18 baby, but it applies to every person in a difficult situation, someone faced with the uncertainty of tomorrow or just someone facing the normal trials and tribulations of every day life:

10 Open The

(Written and sung by Amy Henning)

The Israelites faced a sea before them
A mountain on each side
Pharaoh's army was in pursuit
There was nowhere for them to hide
Then God opened the sea; did away with the enemy
In a mighty display
If He did it for them so long ago
Will He do it for me today? I Pray

Open the sea, make a way for me
I'm holding to Your hand
Whatever pathway You should choose
I will see it as dry land
Wherever You lead me, I will go
Holding to this truth I know that
You can open the sea

Sometimes my sea, it overwhelms me
I want to see dry land
Waves of doubt and fear rush in
And I struggle to understand
Then You take me right back to the edge of the water
Reminding me of before
And in that moment I know Your heart
And I cry out with faith once more

What makes this song even more special to me is that Trayc and I grew up at church with the guys of this group, Evidence. Tim Henning, Kirk Kirkland and Trayc sang in a high school quartet together, we went to Nashville in November 2006 to meet their wives and we are still friends with them today. They have pursued their dream to the fullest, the same dream Trayc and I have always had - we just never made it that far. We feel so blessed to be friends with The Hennings and The Kirklands and so thankful they are using their talent to reach others for the Lord through their music and bless hurting people like us. If you would like to hear more of their music please visit their website at

To Amy Henning: Thank you for writing this incredible song that has touched my heart so much during this time in my life, for your sweet emails, your constant support and for your friendship. Also, thank you for allowing me to use your song on my blog to help encourage and bless others while on the Trisomy 18 journey.


Anonymous said...

Thanks!!!! That song is just what I needed to hear tonight....You and your family are such a blessing!! Praying for a good night of rest!

Anonymous said...

It's amazing how crisis makes you hear all these "types" of songs differently. When my husband and I got married we considered playing the song "Blessed Be Your Name" (as sung by Matt Redman) at our wedding. I never really heard the "You give AND TAKE AWAY" part until my Mom passed, and I lost two babies in the womb. I can relate to you tonight and thought I would write. -Former FBC memeber and choir member

Jenn said...

You are so Awesome, or shall I say God is so Awesome through you. You are fulfilling a big purpose in the life God has given you and blessing alot of people through it. Thanks for all that you have shared. My soul rejoices every time I go to your website and see his days here on earth increasing. I will continue to pray for you.

The Magana family said...

Thanks a lot!!! Beautiful song!! All of you are a huge blessing. when we check your blog each day it just growth our faith higher and higher about what the great purposes God have with your lives, and our confidence in the Lord is 100% that He is in control of Tristan's life.
We will keep praying!
The Magana family
St. Augustine, Fl

Kenzie Stanfield said...


What a beautiful song! Thank you for sharing such a powerful prayer to take whatever the Lord gives each of us and walk faithfully on that road. I am so thankful you were able to spend time with Tanner and enjoy your oldest son for a while. I'm sure Trayc had fun at home with his 2 little ones as well. Prayers for you tonight!


Laura Lee said...

Just beautiful! I found you a few weeks ago.

Checking in on you and praying for you daily. You are a blessed mother, indeed.

Laurie said...

This is a beautiful song that seems written just for you and where you are today Yvette. He has opened the sea for you and your family of five is right in the middle. What a blessing little Tristan is and God is so good. My heart smiled when I read that you took Tanner to Choir practice. His heart is so pure for the things of the Lord. God will get your "normal" on track for you as you rely on Him each new day. Bless you guys and many more joyfilled days I pray for you.

Laurie in Ca.

Anonymous said...


I am an FBC member who has been reading your blog and checking daily for updates since the day of your family's video testimony at church. I've wanted to comment many times and tell you how I've been praying for your family and also how blessed I've been by the time you've been given with Tristan.

I wanted to tell you that I found this song (I don't even know how or where) shortly after my first miscarriage in August. I think I also read somewhere that Amy wrote this song after she had a miscarriage. I listened to it and just cried and cried. I've since lost another baby and it's this song and Watermark's "Glory Baby" that fill my heart with peace and help to remind me that God DOES have a plan.

Thank you for posting this wonderful song. God has definitely used you to bless my life =)

Anonymous said...

It's a small, small world. You have no idea who I am, so let me explain how I found your blog. I first heard of T-18 after reading an article about Copeland Farley in a local (Franklin, TN) publication. I was so moved that I had to log on to her blog address listed in the publication. From there, my interest flourished, and I started reading and learning more. I clicked on links, and found your blog. I've been hooked ever since, and I check on little Tristan daily. I'm rooting for him and praying like everyone else. As I was reading, I discovered you all were from Jacksonville, and I thought "Oh, wow, my in-laws lived in St. Augustine for 9 years, and I'm familiar with Jax, and that hospital...interesting." But then I read yesterday's entry, and realized it really is a small world. I don't persoanlly know Kirk Kirkland, but until a few months ago, we lived about 1 mile from each other, and I actually tried to buy his house. We made an offer on it, but they took someone else's offer instead. So, I say all of that to say...isn't it funny how we're all connected...even if we don't know each other.

Sorry to be so long, but connections like that fascinate me.

Hope you all have a restful evening.

Brandi Holloway
Spring Hill, TN

Anonymous said...

It is such a small world! As I read tonight I realized how small! I am in a Sunday School class and Bible study with Amy Henning! I have been reading your blog for several months and never realized that were friends!
I have lifted you up in prayer with my class but probably always in small group where she didn't realize! I continue to pray for you daily! I feel like I know you and your sweet family! Praying in Franklin, Missy

Jen in Al said...

THANK YOU! What an incredible song! God has used music in my life more times than i can count. He is already using this song.....
jen in al