Thursday, January 31, 2008

Tristan's Celebration of Life service

I had so much fun day-after-day for 56 days giving updates of Tristan's life and now it's really hard because I really, really miss him sitting beside me(in his bouncy seat) as I type - it was so easy then! Now, I sit here tonight, in the same chair, at the same desk, staring at the same computer, typing on the same keyboard - everything is the same and yet it's not, it's so different now and I am so numb, I feel like a huge part of me is gone! When I was getting ready for the service yesterday morning I was thinking about how fast this journey has gone, like it was just yesterday that we found out we were pregnant and yet "just yesterday" we were attending a service to honor and remember the 56 days of miracles we shared with our precious little boy. Not only am I feeling the emotional pain but I am also beginning to feel the physical exhaustion, not just from the past 3 days but from the past 56 days. I remember so many nights I would hold Tristan and I could barely stay awake and Trayc would tell me that I really needed to get some sleep but I'd always say, "It's okay, I'll have time to sleep one day when Tristan is no longer with us, but today he's here so I'll stay awake" - oh I'd give anything for another sleepless night! However, as tired as I am I really wanted to share with everyone who was not able to attend the service what it was like so that you could feel a part of the service as you are also the ones who have traveled this journey with us from afar.

Tristan's "Celebration of Life" service was absolutely beautiful, it was everything we wanted it to be. Our desire was for the service to be soft and sweet and one that would reflect the love we shared as a FAMILY OF 5 and the memories we made with our precious little boy every day, for 56 days! And, ultimately we wanted the service to bring honor and glory to the Lord for choosing Trayc and I to be Tristan's parents, for this being His plan for our family and for carrying our family every step of the way while on this Trisomy 18 journey.

The visitation began at 11:00 am and one-by-one over 200 guests entered our church. We were overwhelmed with the number of people who came on behalf of our little boy. Some were sweet friends we are close to, some were friends from our past, some were church staff members, some were Sunday School teachers from our high school years, some were in our Sunday School class and a few were people who only knew of us from the blog, they came to say thank you for sharing our journey on the internet. We cannot even begin to express how much each person's presence meant to us, we felt so much love. Each guest walked down the aisle of the church to meet us and express their sympathies in the loss of Tristan and thanked us for being willing to share our journey with the world. Then they were able to walk by the little white casket that held our precious little boy and then look at an 8 ft. table, which my mom helped me set up, which displayed mementos that represented the past 56 days such as Tristan's Christmas tree the boys made, the Christmas card he gave me, the outfit/hat he wore home from the hospital, the Bible he received at the baby dedication, the birthday hat/candle from the party we had with the nurses, the New Years hat/whistle and the list goes on.

The service began at 12:00 noon with the pastor opening in prayer, we played a slideshow which showed 115 pictures (we took 1,600 in 56 days) and then Amy Henning (from the group Evidence) sang the song she wrote "Open the Sea" which as you all know from a previous entry has become my life song while on this journey (this was not previously planned - this was a huge surprise when we found out she was coming in just for us - thank you, Amy!). Then my sweet husband, through lots of tears and emotion, spoke the sweetest words I've ever heard on behalf of our family and in thanksgiving to the Lord for allowing us 56 days and for choosing us to be Tristan's parents. Then the pastor delivered an incredible message.

At 1:15 pm, all of our family members left the church escorted by 4 motorcycle policeman (who volunteered their services/time for free on behalf of our son - thank you!) and drove to the cemetery where our pastor again said a few words. We ended the service, as Tanner had requested, by each of us letting go of a blue balloon to represent Trayc, Tanner, Tayden and I and then Trayc released one white balloon representing Tristan. We left the cemetery and went back to my parents house where both of our families joined us for lunch(provided by my parents' friends - thank you!) and a sweet time of sharing.

It was a very special day of celebration as we remembered the 56 days of miracles we shared with our little boy, Tristan Asher Hostetter.

Psalm 127:3 says: "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him."

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

The service sounds absolutely beautiful. What a wonderful way to celebrate the life of your precious son and bring honor and glory to the God that gave him to you. Thank you for sharing.

Laurie said...

Dear Trayc and Yvette,
You were in my thoughts and prayers all day for this celebration of life service. It sounds like it was perfect.

I find myself missing your updates and my heart hurts so much for you. Yvette, there is a huge part of you that is gone and I praise God for the gift of numb over each of you who have endured these heartbreaking losses. I believe He brings numb until you can catch your breath, until you can take your first step, to face each new day with while someone so precious is missing. I am so thankful for you and your family that Tristan stole your hearts so completely, so innocently. He only knew unconditional love, how blessed his life is. And yours too, through this pain, to have a little miracle love and depend on you completely, bringing such joy and hope. You are the perfect parents for this perfect baby. I pray for you daily and for Tanner and Tayden's hearts, knowing they loved Tristan so much.
Asking God to pour His grace and peace on your family, drawing you even closer to Him. You are so loved.

Prayers continue daily for you,
Laurie in Ca.

Pat said...

Yvette,

Just wanted to tell you again how you blessed my heart today as we talked on the phone.

Pat

Rebecca said...

Thanks so much for sharing the day. I'm looking forward to seeing the slide show when it's ready.

Anonymous said...

Much love and prayers and hugs to you from a family in Ohio.

So Blessed said...

Thank you for sharing about Tristan's service. It was a beautiful tribute to your precious little son.
I pray for your family every morning...I will continue to ask our loving Father to bless you with His comfort, His strength and His peace during these difficult days. My thoughts are with you.

Tracy said...

The service sounds like it was perfect! I love how you all released blue balloons and one white one.

Thank you for sharing the details with us. I look forward to watching the slide show.

Jami Thompson said...

Yvette and Trayc,

I know I told you this earlier but I wanted to say again HOW BEAUTIFUL Tristan's service was. Everything was perfect, every little detail. I feel very honored to know both of you; your family is just so sweet. We continue to pray for you everyday and love you very much. Can't wait to see all 1600 pictures!!

Love,

Jami, Anna and Tyler

kimmy4035 said...

Hostetter Family,

I just wanted to let you know that your story has touched me to my soul. I started reading it the day it was announced in church (I am a member and staff member). I was able to pop in to that wonderful service last week and it made my week complete. I am the mother of a 7 month old little boy and each time I would read about the amazing day that Tristan had I would smile and love on my little boy. Then when I heard that Tristan went home to be with Jesus I just sat here and wept. I wept because I knew he was complete and whole with Jesus but also wept for you and your family. I picked up my son and held him close and told him that heaven had another angel. Each night before he went to bed I would sit and hold him and pray with him and we would always pray for Tristan. That night we did our ritual and prayed for your family to heal in a wonderful way. Thank you for sharing with us and letting us into your world.

I have a card that I would love to send to your family. If you wouldn't mind me asking for your address to send it to you. You can email me at KimK@fbcjax.com.

Thanks again. We are continually praying for you.

Kim Kees (& family)

M said...

Thank you for including us in the details. I am so glad that everything went so perfect for his celebration service. What a blessed little boy to have such loving parents and brothers every moment of his life. You are in my prayers throughout the day.
Love, Michelle

asplashofsunshine said...

I am a better woman, mother, and human being for reading about your family and precious baby boy. You are a wonderful example of love, courage, wisdom, strength, and LIFE. Thank you for opening up your life to the world. Tristan has truly touched my heart! Peace and Love Little Tristan...

Annie- Nashville- TN said...

Thank you for continuing to share with us. I know it would be so easy to never get on this blog ever again but we appreciate your openness through your pain. The celebration service sounds like it was very special. I am so thankful that you got 56 sweet days with that little angel. What a blessing he was to all of us. I know for myself, i will never forget Tristan Asher. I was blessed to be a part of this journey. I look forward to the slideshow of the service and to see some of the 1600 pics you took of that sweet angel! Bless you all during this most difficult time.

Anonymous said...

Thankyou for sharing your day with us! What a blessing little Tristan and your family have been to so many! We have learned a lot by reading about your days with Tristan! You have exhibited such love and godliness! Thankyou! May God continue to grace you with peace, strength and mercy! Prayers continue for your family!

boltefamily said...

It sounds like the service was amazing! You will be in my prayers in the days ahead. I know that when Isaac died, things got tougher for me before they got any better. Everyone is different, but regardless the next few weeks, days and months will bring many emotions and they are all ok! We will continue praying for the entire family!

Christy said...

It "sounds" like it was a very lovely service. You honored your son, and your Father well. Still praying for you and your family. I am amazed at how awesome our God is, in providing the world with precious miracles, such as Tristan, to prove to the world that He exists. Thank you, for sharing your life, love, and faith with all of us. It's been a blessing.

Angie Luce said...

Yvette,

I knew it would be beautiful, but hearing the details is wonderful! I am so glad that it was just as you wanted it. The perfect way to honor Tristan's 56 miracle days. I continue to pray for you as you hurt. His loss is so great! I know it will take time, and I want to be here for you every step of the way.

love,
Angie

Patty said...

Thank you for sharing Tristan's story with us.

Anonymous said...

Trayc and Yvette,
i have been following your story for quite some time now..it has really touched my heart and i find myself going to your page everyday. the service sounds absolutely beautful. i have a 5 year old named Tristan. i have baked cookies and cupcakes last night. i have saved 3 cupcakes that my famiy will eat tonight for your family. i read that every week you would bake a cake for Tristan as your family celebrating his life. i don't know. my heart aches for you and tanner trayc tayden. so i thought that we could say a prayer for your family and be blessed for everything we have! god bless. Bonny TX

Anonymous said...

Yvette and Trayc,
i went to your blog via the stanfields' of whom i attend the same church. i have been following your story for some time now. the service sounded absolutely perfect and all that your family wanted. my heart aches for ya'll. each and every ONE of you, however on a lighter note it's been my inspiration through tribulations in my life @ the present moment. from heart to yours, take care bless. you will my visiation & prayers every day still! The Rublys' in TX