Tristan's Celebration of Life service

I had so much fun day-after-day for 56 days giving updates of Tristan's life and now it's really hard because I really, really miss him sitting beside me(in his bouncy seat) as I type - it was so easy then! Now, I sit here tonight, in the same chair, at the same desk, staring at the same computer, typing on the same keyboard - everything is the same and yet it's not, it's so different now and I am so numb, I feel like a huge part of me is gone! When I was getting ready for the service yesterday morning I was thinking about how fast this journey has gone, like it was just yesterday that we found out we were pregnant and yet "just yesterday" we were attending a service to honor and remember the 56 days of miracles we shared with our precious little boy. Not only am I feeling the emotional pain but I am also beginning to feel the physical exhaustion, not just from the past 3 days but from the past 56 days. I remember so many nights I would hold Tristan and I could barely stay awake and Trayc would tell me that I really needed to get some sleep but I'd always say, "It's okay, I'll have time to sleep one day when Tristan is no longer with us, but today he's here so I'll stay awake" - oh I'd give anything for another sleepless night! However, as tired as I am I really wanted to share with everyone who was not able to attend the service what it was like so that you could feel a part of the service as you are also the ones who have traveled this journey with us from afar.

Tristan's "Celebration of Life" service was absolutely beautiful, it was everything we wanted it to be. Our desire was for the service to be soft and sweet and one that would reflect the love we shared as a FAMILY OF 5 and the memories we made with our precious little boy every day, for 56 days! And, ultimately we wanted the service to bring honor and glory to the Lord for choosing Trayc and I to be Tristan's parents, for this being His plan for our family and for carrying our family every step of the way while on this Trisomy 18 journey.

The visitation began at 11:00 am and one-by-one over 200 guests entered our church. We were overwhelmed with the number of people who came on behalf of our little boy. Some were sweet friends we are close to, some were friends from our past, some were church staff members, some were Sunday School teachers from our high school years, some were in our Sunday School class and a few were people who only knew of us from the blog, they came to say thank you for sharing our journey on the internet. We cannot even begin to express how much each person's presence meant to us, we felt so much love. Each guest walked down the aisle of the church to meet us and express their sympathies in the loss of Tristan and thanked us for being willing to share our journey with the world. Then they were able to walk by the little white casket that held our precious little boy and then look at an 8 ft. table, which my mom helped me set up, which displayed mementos that represented the past 56 days such as Tristan's Christmas tree the boys made, the Christmas card he gave me, the outfit/hat he wore home from the hospital, the Bible he received at the baby dedication, the birthday hat/candle from the party we had with the nurses, the New Years hat/whistle and the list goes on.

The service began at 12:00 noon with the pastor opening in prayer, we played a slideshow which showed 115 pictures (we took 1,600 in 56 days) and then Amy Henning (from the group Evidence) sang the song she wrote "Open the Sea" which as you all know from a previous entry has become my life song while on this journey (this was not previously planned - this was a huge surprise when we found out she was coming in just for us - thank you, Amy!). Then my sweet husband, through lots of tears and emotion, spoke the sweetest words I've ever heard on behalf of our family and in thanksgiving to the Lord for allowing us 56 days and for choosing us to be Tristan's parents. Then the pastor delivered an incredible message.

At 1:15 pm, all of our family members left the church escorted by 4 motorcycle policeman (who volunteered their services/time for free on behalf of our son - thank you!) and drove to the cemetery where our pastor again said a few words. We ended the service, as Tanner had requested, by each of us letting go of a blue balloon to represent Trayc, Tanner, Tayden and I and then Trayc released one white balloon representing Tristan. We left the cemetery and went back to my parents house where both of our families joined us for lunch(provided by my parents' friends - thank you!) and a sweet time of sharing.

It was a very special day of celebration as we remembered the 56 days of miracles we shared with our little boy, Tristan Asher Hostetter.

Psalm 127:3 says: "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him."