Day 37 - Back to normal

Tristan had a great night last night, he slept all night and his apena monitor only went off once. He had a little rougher day today and his apnea monitor went off 6 times. The excitement for today? Honestly, attempting to get things back to normal at home. Trayc back to work, cleaning the house, Tristan's feedings every 3 hrs., loving and holding Tristan most of the day, Tanner refocused on home-school (this is so hard, all he wants to do is hold Tristan), Tayden back to playing by himself (this is so hard, all he wants to do is play with Tanner), Tanner back to piano lessons, Tanner back to church choir, Tanner back to practicing soccer before he begins another season in a few weeks and oh yeah, taking a shower before Trayc gets home! I'm tired just thinking about all I have to do to get back to a normal life. We have had an incredible month of holiday celebrations and fun nightly activities, as you can tell by all the photos since Tristan came home and although we are so excited Tristan is still with us and we will continue to have fun nightly activities, we need to start getting back to normal as much as possible. I realized that tonight more than ever before. I told Tanner with Tristan having several "blue spells" the last 2 days that he may not be able to start back to choir tomorrow night, it may be another week or two(we live an hour from church). Oh the sadness in his eyes and total disappointment as his little shoulders slummed over and he quietly said, "Yes mam, I understand" and walked to his room. It just broke my heart so I quickly walked into his room and said, "I realize our life and yours has been on-hold since August and I greatly appreciate you being so understanding. We will figure out about choir for tomorrow night okay, I promise". I love Tanner so much, he's our first born and he is definitely our first miracle baby, as we were told we'd never have children!!! He has been so unbelievable through all of this, we're together all day so he's been through this every day too, the good days and the sad days, and we had promised him that his life would return back to normal after Tristan was born. So, here we are on Day 37 and basically his little ears heard me saying "No, life is not returning back to normal yet you'll have to wait just a little longer". I told Trayc what Tanner had said and he agreed that we really need to make sure we do everything possible to get Tanner's life somewhat back to normal even with the uncertainty of each day and with the uncertainty of Tristan's life. If you're a mom of a T-18 baby and have other children then you completely understand the situation we're in right now, trying to provide 24 hr. care to Tristan and enjoy every moment we have with him realizing we only have so long with him and then trying to keep your other children's lives in a normal state too, fortunately Tayden doesn't not know or care about anything except playing with his toys and with his big brother Tanner, so he doesn't feel it but Tanner does. So please pray that we, as parents, can attempt in the midst of total uncertainty with Tristan, return Tanner's life back to some kind of normalcy. And as always, please pray for Tristan's strength, please pray for the apnea to decrease and please pray for us as we face a new day tomorrow.