Friday, December 5, 2008

Tristan's 1st Birthday 12/3/08 **UPDATED**

As promised, here is an update and pictures of how we celebrated Tristan's 1st Birthday on Wednesday, December 3rd.

We began our day by going back to the hospital where Tristan was born. Trayc had already talked to the head of the Labor & Delivery and asked that she contact all of the nurses that were there last year because we had a special presentation to make. We were blessed to have had 3 of our 6 nurses there along with the rest of the nurses that were working that day, most of which knew us because of Tristan's story/blog.

We had asked that the nurses be there around 12:00 noon because Tristan was born at 12:42 and we wanted to do our special presentation at the same time. Our gift to the hospital was 56 knitted baby caps personally made by Trayc's mom and grandma because the little handmade caps the nurses put on Tristan were too big and they started unraveling. Anyone who knows my mom, knows that she is the perfectionist (that's where I get it from) and she didn't like the fact that her grandson was wearing a hat that was falling apart. The nights my mom and Trayc's mom stayed at the hospital together they would have long nightly conversations about how the caps could be made better. Trayc's mom knows how to crochet but didn't know how to knit. She felt as though the Lord was leading her to learn how to knit so that she could make the caps better. When she and grandma returned to Tennessee they signed up for knitting classes and learned how to knit so they could make little caps in memory of Tristan by his 1st birthday.

As you can see, she and grandma have been working very hard. They also sewed in a label that says Tristan Asher Foundation and so that every person who receives a cap and from the nurses will be told about Tristan and they can go to our website to read about him.

Aren't the handmade, knitted caps beautiful????

As we got off the elevator at the L&D floor we started talking about how we felt a year ago as we were only hours from holding our new little boy and the days ahead were so uncertain. As the double doors opened to the L&D area, the nurses all started running towards us, hugging us, grabbing Tayden and Tanner to hug them - they couldn't believe how big they were. It was such a sweet moment to be able to go back to where our little boy was born, where he took his first breath, to see the place we left a year ago with our arms full of new life and then to see our precious nurses again - the ones that rejoiced with us, prayed with us and cried with us daily!!!!

After the hospital we went out to lunch and then drove 45 minutes to the cemetery. This is the first time I have been back since Tristan's service. Trayc is in that area of town often so he stops by frequently to think, pray and remember. I have really put it off this past year knowing how very difficult and extremely emotional I was as we drove away after the service. Never in my life have I felt the deep pain and grief I felt in those last few moments and had no desire to relieve that again, especially in front of my boys. Trayc has been sweetly mentioning for a year now that we needed to look at headstones but it's just that final step I have not wanted to make!

As we pulled into the cemetery on Wednesday, Trayc reached over and took my hand without saying a word. I took a deep breath as we made our way through the entrance and then took a turn to the left and approached the "Garden of Innocence" area. I thought back to January and how it looked when we pulled up: a tiny little white casket with a beautiful arrangement of miniature white roses and 5 miniature blue roses on the top, and all of our family members standing quietly as we exited the car. Stepping out of the car and walking up that little hill, that day, to Tristan's casket was by far the hardest walk I have ever made - it was a visual and reality that no mother ever wants to experience. So I have been afraid of going back but knew we would go back on his birthday.

Wednesday was a little different than I expected. We pulled up and let the kids sit in the car for a moment. I got out of the car and slowly walked towards Tristan's little marker. It looked so bare, like no one had ever visited, like no one loved him, like he had been forgotten - compared to all the other headstones and markers. I felt so sad and it broke my heart because I knew how much our little boy was loved and what a miracle he was, it's just that his mommy couldn't do this any sooner. I was so thankful I had made a "It's A Boy" bow (it matches the Christmas tree we made for Tristan last year, remember?) with the number 56 and I made a bouquet of 4 white roses and 1 blue rose tied together by a "Baby's 1st Birthday" ribbon to lay in front of the marker. I looked at Trayc and said, "That looks so much better now. Okay, I'm ready to order his headstone, we need to do it, he's our little boy and we love him. No more putting it off." I smiled as I laid the flowers on his grave site knowing it meant we loved our little boy and that he wasn't forgotten. I believe the hardest part of the day was kneeling down to place the flowers on his site and realizing he was within reaching distance from me, that his little body that I held for 56 days laid only inches away. I know he is in Heaven but that little body, the one that I held tightly, kissed on, changed clothes/diapers, changed the leads for the apnea/heart monitor, held the oxygen tube for, that little body is there and my heart longs and my arms ache for my precious little boy. I am so thankful he is being held by our Heavenly Father until I can hold him again. This mommy longs for Heaven more than ever before.

After we had our moments, Tanner got out of the car with the balloons. He was so excited about bringing them to Tristan's grave and letting them go. Tayden was asleep when we pulled up, we could have let him stay in the car sleeping but I told Trayc that I wanted him to be in the pictures, not just for today but 10, 15, 20 years from now I want him to know all about Tristan and see that he was a part of it. So, being the photo parents we are, we took him out of the car and then fortunately he woke up, saw the balloons and said, "Balloon!!!!". The boys released the solid balloons only because Tanner wanted to take the Mylar birthday balloon back to the house for the party.

We came home, had Tristan's birthday party and ate cake. We put the cake on his blue blanket and had his little doggy beside the cake. Tayden was excited about eating "caaakkkeee" and Tanner wanted to blow out the candle.

We had a really sweet day as a family remembering Tristan and celebrating his 1st birthday.

Thank you so much to every person that left a comment on our blog, Facebook, emailed, texted, called or sent us a card. We greatly appreciate you remembering our family and our little boy on his birthday. We have never taken for granted the love we have received from our family, friends and our blog family.

VERY SPECIAL THANK YOU to Trayc's mom and my mom for coming up with the idea and to Trayc's mom and grandma for knitted each cap with lots of love and in memory of their grandson.


Emily said...

What a sweet update! I love the pictures & I'm so happy that you all had a wonderful day together celebrating sweet baby Tristan. I watched his service video again just now. I've watched it several times but it is so sweet to see his little face again.
Emily in Mississippi

Michelle said...

The little caps are precious and so sweet! I have thought of you all many times over the past few days and I am thankful to see Tristans day was special. Your words were touching as you share your visit to the cemetary.

Kirsten said...

How beautiful!!! Absolutely beautiful. What a special day to remember Tristan. Thank you for sharing pictures - what a blessing.

I haven't been back to the hospital where Chloe was born, but I plan to this month. Seeing the smiling faces of the nurses and the pictures was amazing.

The little caps are perfect. What a wonderful idea. Such a great birthday present to the hospital. Tristan continues to touch people with his little life.

Blessings to all you on this special day.

Kirsten said...

Tristan and Miracle Max have the same birthday. Max was born this morning and is already in the arms of Jesus.

Tristan, Chloe and all the other little ones can show little Max all the fun spots to play in heaven.

Mama10EE said...

What a precious way to celebrate such a bittersweet day. You all continue to be a wonderful display of God's love and guidance.

The hats to the hospital were a lovely touch.

Rebecca said...

What a BEAUTIFUL day! Happy birthday, Tristan...

The Hull Munchkins said...

My heart was so heavy for you reading about sweet Tristan's first birthday. What an impact his tiny life has left on so many. Your family is so full of love for one another, and I know you have hope for being united again some day.

The gift of those sweet caps are so perfect! What a wonderful tribute. I remember when my daughter was in the NICU she received a tiny cap like one of those and it was the only one that fit her little head. She only weighed a pound. It must have been hard going back to the hospital to remember...

I just wanted to write and tell you I appreciate you continuing to share your journey even 1 year later. I remember checking your blog almost daily when Tristan was born. It was so neat to see how you lived every day to the fullest.

May the Lord bless you in your new journey through adoption!

Happy Birthday Tristan!

Emily said...

What a special, special day. Thank the Lord for Tristan Asher!

Laurie said...

This is just beautiful Yvette, so perfect a celebration for such a perfect little man. I just love the caps and the love that went into each one of 56. As I read this post I could feel Tristans footprints tugging on my heart. May the love of Jesus be felt on each little head as those caps are such a blessing in so many ways. You are a blessing to me and Tristan holds his spot in my heart. I love you guys so much. May this Season be so blessed for you all!!

Laurie in Ca.

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful way to celebrate Tristan's birthday. So glad it was a positive day for your family. The way you described it brought tears to my eyes ... so very sweet.

May God continue to bless and heal your hearts. You are a very special family and I know your testimony will continue to be used for His glory and honor.

Praying for you ...

Tamara said...

Wow! Yvette, what a post! You and Trayc are such an inspiration! I can't begin to imagine what it was like for you celebrating Tristan's 1st birthday, but thank you for sharing it. Reading your words and feeling your heart, made me cry, hurt and offer a prayer of thanksgiving just for the few moments I was able to know Tristan on the day of his birth! Thank you for allowing me a glimpse inside your heart and for sharing Tristan with me! You are a dear friend and I love you!


Kathy said...

A perfect celebration for a perfect little life.

Love the hats. Another way to share the life and love of Tristan.

You are inspriring. Thank you for sharing these precious moments.

Carla Burlando said...

The caps are gorgeous...such a beautiful gift for every baby that will wear them. I must admit that the trip to the cemetary is one I don't do often either. There were a lot of things I couldn't do until I was ready. I didn't watch the short video of his birth until this year...8 yrs later! One baby step at a time. You did a wonderful job celebrating and remembering Tristan.

amie said...

i really don't know what to write other than my heart just aches for you. you are an amazing woman!!
love you,

Cathy said...

No words can be spoken only tears after reading. I am so glad you are ready to do the headstone. I love the pictures and can't imagine the ache in your heart or arms. I also knit the cap for the premies and newborn at our local hospital! Annabel was the recipent of a precious pink one at the hospital.

Kenzie said...


I thought for SURE I had commented on this post!! I LOVE all the amazing ways that you celebrated Tristan on his one year birthday! You guys are SO GOOD at making each thing so special and fun :)

Just wanted to officially wish you a blogging MERRY CHRISTMAS! I am so thankful for your friendship, your sweet Tristan, and your family that loves mine. We got the cards in the mail this week... THANK YOU! Deacon proudly wore his sticker ribbon and I even took pictures that I will send you.

I love you friend and pray that y'all enjoy a beautiful day celebrating the birth of our Lord.

Love you,

Laurie in Ca. said...

Merry Christmas Yvette and Family,

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your family. I love you and am thinking about sweet Tristan today. Blessings to you.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Ashley Webb said...

Thanks for sharing how you celebrated Tristan's 1st birthday.

I know that this month is probably hard, just wanted to let you know that I am keeping you and your family in prayer.

Ashley Webb

So In Love said...

My daughter received one of your beautiful caps on her birthday 12/3/08. I will forever think of Tristan and your family as he and my daughter (ella) share the same birthday. What a testimony you all have. I had tears in my eyes as I read the story of your baby boy. God has and will continue to use you and your family in a mighty way! Is there a way to donate to Tristan's Foundation? Thank you for sharing your story.


KYnurse said...

I have followed your blog since before Tristan was born. I loved the updates and when he passed I was heartbroken for you. You have truly been on my mind a lot in the past few weeks. I was blessed to be able to help in the delivery of a Trisomy 18 baby that at 40 weeks only weighed a little over 4 pounds. She astonished everyone by doing well. She was able to take bottles and go home with her family. It was awesome. I pray that she will have at least 56 days to spend with her daughter just as you did.

God Bless You

anna c. said...

I usually don't stop and read every word of a stranger's blog, but i happened across this one and it seemed extra special because my birthday is also december 3rd. this was so beautiful and touching... may the Lord bless you, your family and Tristan's story.

<>< anna

Anonymous said...

I kept up with you last year as you shared the details of your sweet Tristan's life with us. I will be praying for you this week, especially on Tuesday. Much love,
Sharon Miller (friend of Jared and Kristin Edwards)

Radar's Mom said...

Dear Yvette,

I just thought I'd leave a short note to say that I have you in my thoughts and prayers today. Your wonderful Tristan celebrates one year of dancing with the angels. Your little boy touched so many lives and he'll be forever etched into my heart and memory.

Warm hugs,

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