Day 19 - More diapers?

Tristan had a good night last night. His apnea monitor only went off once but he started breathing again immediately. We have realized one thing for sure, Tristan definitely has his days and nights mixed up, this reminds me of being pregnant with him. I wouldn't feel him kick much at all during the day but just as soon as I would lay my head on the pillow he would start kicking and kick MOST of the night which kept me awake, of course I never minded because it just reminded me that my precious baby boy was alive. But what's great now is at night instead of laying there feeling him kick I can just reach over and get him out of his bassinet, hold him in my arms, rub his sweet little face, look into his eyes that are "wide open", talk to him and pray with him, this is what I have done the past 2 nights and it puts him right back to sleep. Tristan had another good day today. Trayc told me this afternoon that we needed to get more diapers for Tristan and I said, "more diapers?". He said, "Yes!". This would be the first pack of diapers we've actually bought because the hospital sent a pack home with us, so to me this means Tristan has lived long enough to go through a whole pack of diapers! Just another miracle on this road of uncertainty that we are so thankful for. With a normal healthy baby you just take things for granted like diapers, formula, wipes, washing little clothes in Dreft detergent, folding baby clothes and baby blankets, etc., but knowing today might be all we have, you take NOTHING for granted! It becomes a privilege and honor to buy more baby necessities and wash dirty baby clothes. I have stood at the washing machine so many times since we came home from the hospital 2 week ago and said, "Thank you Lord for allowing me the opportunity to wash Tristan's little clothes". Tristan had another good day. We had a very quiet family day so the only real excitement was that we got to buy more diapers - and for us that's exciting in and of itself! As promised, we celebrated Christmas tonight by listening to Christmas music while we ate dinner and then we all sat on the couch and watched a family movie. Please pray for Tristan's continued strength and pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 18 - Using "white out" to cover my pain

As you know, Trayc's mom has gone back to Tennessee so we began our first "night hours" last night. Tristan did really good. His apnea monitor only went off once but he started breathing again immediately - the alarm is so loud it scares him so I think it wakes him up and he starts breathing again - it definitely wakes us up!!!!! This morning I was in the laundry room and I looked at the wall calendar and noticed it said December 20, but what really caught my eye was the "white out" all over the calendar. See, today was my original due date. I did the white out after we came home from the high-risk doctor's office on August 15th (when we found out Tristan had Trisomy 18 ). I was so devastated with all of the overwhelming information, the comment of "incompatible with life" and statistics we had just been given and I felt totally helpless and was hopeless. I remember falling to my knees below the calendar that day (which was in our bedroom at our old house) crying and saying out loud "Why?", "How could this happen to us, all we want is more children?", "How will the Lord ever use this in our life?", "How will Tristan ever make it to December?" , "How do I go on living every day knowing our baby will not live?" So, to protect my heart and cover up any future pain when I looked at the month of December, I quickly got out the white out and whited out the date, Tristan's full name and the words "3rd miracle baby" I had written at the bottom of the calendar back in April. As I looked at it today my heart was broken because I could see I was so sad, so devastated, so overwhelmed with grief therefore I never could have seen how the Lord would use this in our lives for the good. Although I will never be able to answer most of the questions I cried out that day, I do know that our precious baby boy DID MAKE IT to December, he was born alive, he is here with us in our home, he makes our family a family of 5 now and we just finished celebrating DAY 18. He truly is our family's 3rd miracle baby, maybe not how I would have chosen it to be, but this is the Lord's plan for our family which I have to believe with all my heart is the perfect plan for us. I see the Lord's hand on our lives more than I ever have before. I am daily praying that the Lord will use Tristan's precious little life, through our family, to reach out and minister to others that are hurting, that feel helpless and hopeless like I did 4 months ago. My hearts greatest desire, at this time, is that our story will give all the girls on this "Trisomy 18 road" (especially my internet friends, Kenzie Stanfield and Kim Summons - see their blog links under our family picture) renewed hope, the courage to stay close to the Lord, to trust in Him even on the hard days and although no one knows what the Lord's plan is for their baby, the Lord is faithful and He will carry them every step of the way. Tristan had another great day and we are looking forward to another night of family fun. As promised, we celebrated Christmas by listening to Christmas music during dinner and then we played a board game with Tanner, while Tayden chewed on the game pieces! Please pray for Tristan's continued strength and for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Bible notes: In the Book of Job we see a good man suffering for no apparent fault of his own but Job's story does not end in despair. In Job's life we see that faith in God is justified even when our situations look hopeless. To be unshakable, faith must be built on the confidence that God's ultimate purpose will come to pass. God alone knew the purpose behind Job's suffering, and yet He never explained it to Job. In spite of this, Job never gave up on God - even in the midst of suffering. He never placed his hope in his experience, his wisdom, his friends or his wealth. Job focused on God.

Day 17 - Disney at our house

Trayc's mom took her last "night hours" last night. I am so grateful to have had Trayc's mom here at our house for the past 11 nights. We greatly appreciate all the hours of sleep she gave up so that we could sleep and so that she could take care of her new grandson. Trayc's mom left after lunch today, so you know what that means, Trayc and I are on our own for the "night hours", reality begins tonight (ha ha)!!! We spent the day doing things around the house like painting Tayden's room and installing more shelving in his closet - his room was the only thing not finished before Thanksgiving. As promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas tonight, but we did it a little different - we brought Disney World's "Mickey's Very Merry Christmas" to our house, bet no one knew that was possible did they? Every December, since Tanner was 4, we would take him to the "MVMC" in Orlando. Obviously not able to make it this year we decided to have our own. We dressed all 3 of the boys in their Mickey shirts (Tristan wore the outfit I bought him Monday night - isn't it cute?), hats, Disney toys, listen to Disney Christmas music and we took lots of pictures - we had it all, including Tayden and Tanner acting like they were in the parade! It was a great night of "Disney" fun. Please pray for Trayc's mom and Grandma as they travel back to Tennessee and pray for their hearts as you can only imagine how hard it was for them to leave Tristan with the future being so uncertain, please pray for Tristan's continued strength and please pray for Trayc and I as we begin taking the day and night hours, please pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Thank You: To our families

There are not enough words to express to each one of you how much we have appreciated your love, your support, your encouragement and your prayers since August 15th. As you well know, we have experienced every emotion possible while on this journey - shock, devastation, sadness, exhaustion, happiness, excitement, gratefulness and thankfulness. However, through it all every one of you have been there for us. We all came together and I believe have, by far, experienced one of the greatest miracles the Lord has ever performed in our families - the miracle of our precious baby boy, Tristan, being born alive and already making it today, DAY 17. This journey would not have been the same without each one of you being a part of it. Everyone has played a different role, no one's greater or less than the other, just everyone being there for us by giving of their time and their hearts . We thank you and we love you all very much:

• To my Mom & Step-Dad: Thank you, Mom, for every time I called to cry (no matter the hour of day/night), for your daily encouragement, for making Tristan's bow for his tree, for Tristan's 2 "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments, for Tristan's 8 baby outfits, for Tristan's baby blanket, for my beautiful hospital gown and robe, for my beautiful black suit for church, for staying at the hospital 2 nights in a row to take care of me, for all the ice chips you feed me day/night, for all the wash clothes you held on my head when I was so sick, for driving us home from the hospital, and for coming to the house to spend time with Tristan. Thank you, to my step-dad, for coming to the hospital every day, for bringing mom back again at night so that she could take care of me, for all the lunches/dinners you brought to the hospital for Trayc, for all the days you took Tanner out to lunch so he could "get out", for buying the Peterbrooke Chocolate basket for our nurses, for following us home from the hospital with the boys in your car, for taking Tanner to the park last week to play ball and for loving me like I was your own, since I was a little girl.
  

• To my Dad & Step-Mom: Thank you, Dad, for changing your work schedule (last minute) to be in town for 2 weeks, for calling me weekly to make sure I was okay, for all the tears of joy you cried when Tristan was born, for standing by my bedside and holding my hand and for being the Dad every girl needs! and thank you for being an incredible Dad to Trayc with all of your love, personal calls just to him and helping him months ago make the "necessary plans". Thank you, to my step-mom, for buying groceries for 2 weeks so we wouldn't have to leave the house, for hand-preparing 7 nights of dinners, for the weekly cards since August, for Tristan's baby dedication outfit and for loving me like I was your own, since I was a little girl. And thank you to both of you for buying Tristan's 1st birthday cake so that we could have his 1st birthday party!
  

• To my Memaw & Grandaddy: Thank you both for coming to the hospital every day, for reminding me over and over that "Jesus loves you and He will take care of you", for constantly telling me how proud you are of us, for taking Tanner to lunch so he could "get out" of the hospital, for calling me 2xs a day since we've come home and for coming to the house to hold and love your great-grandson.
  

• To my sister Kim (her husband Toby and their children Kaitlyn & T.J.): Thank you SISTER, for all the days/nights I called you crying, for encouraging me, for helping me buy maternity clothes, for staying positive about Tristan all the way to the end, for being in the O.R. with Trayc and I - I never could have made it without you sitting beside me and rubbing my head telling me everything was okay and making sure I stayed awake long enough to see Tristan born, for being at the hospital every day and then going home at night to take care of your children plus Tayden (I know this would be ALOT for most, but as always you do it without any problem, like it's so easy!), for buying groceries, for walking our puppy every day/night, for having the house decorated with flowers and balloons when we came home from the hospital, and for bringing me the FIRST cup of coffee I've had in months!!!! Thank you, Toby, for bringing Kaitlyn and T.J. to the hospital right after Tristan was born and for taking off work 2 days to take care of the children so that Kim could be at the hospital with me. Thank you, my sweet "Katie Kate", for all the times you asked if Tristan was kicking so you could feel my tummy move (it always made me smile), for coming to the hospital to see your new cousin, for all of your sweet prayers you prayed for Tristan (the Lord answered your prayers princess, he's here!!!) for Tristan's cute little blue bear, for the beautiful homecoming flowers in the "pink" vase and for putting up with ALL THESE BOYS in the family, maybe one day you'll have a girl cousin, if not we'll just keep spoiling you!! Thank you, T.J., for all the times you asked when Tristan was coming out of my tummy so that you could play with him (it always made me laugh), for all of your sweet prayers you prayed for Tristan, for buying Tristan's "My First Christmas" Winnie the Pooh outfit and for the beautiful homecoming flowers in the "blue" vase.

• To my Step-Sister Jennifer (her husband, John, and their children Haley, Molly, Aubrey & Jack): Thank you, Jennifer, for leaving your family for a week to come in town for Tristan's birth, for being my "personal" nurse every day, for making sure the doctors/nurses were properly taking care of me, for all of your nursing advice, for constantly assuring me that everything was okay and for coming at the last minute and holding my hand as I laid there crying about Tristan having to be under the Billi-lights and not being able to hold him for 24 hours. Thank you, John, for allowing Jennifer to be here for me, for rearranging your work schedule so that you could take care of the children while she was gone. To my 3 nieces and 1 nephew, thank you for praying for your cousin every night since the beginning.
  

• To Trayc's Mom & Grandma: Thank you, mom, for your weekly cards before Tristan was born, for staying at the hospital with us 2 nights, for the beautiful Trisomy 18 Foundation bracelet with Tristan's birthstones on it, for staying at our house 11 nights to take care of Tristan so that we could sleep, for your daily love and encouragement since we came home from the hospital, for helping me learn all of the feeding tube and apnea monitor procedures, for reading the entire monitor manual and writing out your own notes so that we could better understand them. Thank you, grandma, for coming to the hospital and for spending 2 days/1 night here at our house. And, thanks to both of you for coming all the way from Tennessee, knowing this is a hard trip for you to make.
  

• To Trayc's brother Jason, (his wife Donna, and their children Avery, Taylor, Abbie & Payton): Thank you, Jason, for covering everything at the office so that Trayc can take off time to be with our family. Thank you, Donna, for helping Jason cover everything at the office so that Trayc can be off, for bringing the delicious brownies and muffins to the hospital for everyone and for the fresh fruit, yogurt smoothies and magazines for me. Thank you to my 2 nieces and 2 nephews for coming to the hospital and to the house and daily praying for your new cousin, Tristan . A special thank you to Taylor, for her precious comment on the blog entry on Day 14.

(Pictures provided by our sweet photographer, Peggy McAteer, with the "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" organization)

Day 16 - Smiling at mommy

Trayc's mom took the "night hours" last night. Tristan had another very restless night so we gave him glycerin and it seemed to work again, therefore this is something we will start doing regularly along with adding Mylicon in his feeding tube. His apnea monitor only went off once, which meant he stopped breathing for 20 seconds, but he immediately started breathing again. Tristan had another great day! It is so sweet when I talk to him and he turns his little head, looks at me and smiles - he knows his mommy! Trayc finished his 3-day job so that he can be home with us for the next few weeks. I didn't feel good today, still having more hours of tiredness than hours of energy (the doctor said this is expected due to my complications in the hospital) so I spent the day resting and just awaiting for that burst of energy to hit. As promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas by listening to Christmas music during dinner and then we sat on the couch, spent time with Trayc's mom because she is leaving tomorrow afternoon and then we went to bed early. Please pray for Trayc's mom as she takes her last "night hours", please pray for Tristan's continued strength, please pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 15 - Our family of 5

Trayc's mom and Grandma took the "night hours" last night. Tristan had a very restless night which meant we were all up, most of the night, trying to comfort him! His apnea monitor didn't go off but he just seemed unhappy and uncomfortable. We called the on-call Hospice nurse and they advised we give him a glycerin suppository in that his bowels might be backed up which is causing him to be uncomfortable. We did and he seems to be back to his normal little sweet self, especially after mommy held him for 4 hours. Trayc went to work for a few hours this morning and then Hospice came by to check on Tristan. She said that he was doing fine and that it was common for some babies to have bowel problems so we could give the glycerin every day, if needed. Tristan had a really good day though. The excitement for today was that we met with our photographer, Peggy McAteer, from the NILMDTS organization to look at the Christmas pictures she took here in our home last week. They were all so good and I was just so excited as I sat in her studio looking at my family of 5, I never dreamed we'd have a Christmas picture taken with the 5 of us, just another incredible miracle the Lord has given us on this journey. We will cherish these pictures forever!!!!! On the way home we stopped at the store to get a few things and guess what I did? For the first time I bought Tristan something. I know that might sound a little weird that I haven't bought anything before now but the truth is - I HAVEN'T. The desire has been there but since we found out about Tristan on August 15th I just couldn't buy anything because I was scared he'd never wear it. Since we brought Tristan home from the hospital my family has started buying things for Tristan (they knew "no gifts before he was born"). I guess I was just so excited about seeing our family pictures, so thankful for the past 15 days and feeling confident that I was finally able to buy my precious baby boy something. I rushed over to the Baby Dept. and started looking. I could have bought something really dressy but I saw this cute little Mickey Mouse outfit and knew the boys would love it, plus they have Mickey shirts so I figured Tristan needed one to match his big brothers. As promised, we celebrated Christmas tonight by listening to Christmas music and then we sat on the couch and enjoyed spending time with Trayc's grandma because she was leaving tonight. Please pray for Trayc's mom as she takes the "night hours", please pray that Tristan will have a better night sleep than last night, please pray for Tristan's continued strength and pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 14 - Acting normal

Trayc's mom took the "night hours" so we were able to get another good night sleep, I'm really going to miss these 8 hrs of straight sleep when she leaves. Fortunately the snow is coming down in Tennessee so we've talked her and Grandma into staying at least until Wednesday. Tristan had a good night, except that his apnea monitor went off at 4:19 am which means he stopped breathing for 20 seconds so Trayc's mom quickly unwrapped him and stimulated his feet, as we were told to do. He immediately started breathing again and didn't have any more problems the rest of the night. We originally had a pulse oximeter but on Thursday the geneticist advised that we switch to the apnea monitor because it would be more helpful to us. It monitors his heart rate and his breathing pattern but you don't see any numbers. Honestly, this is better for me because I concentrated on the numbers all day and just as they would start dropping, which happens when they sleep, I would get scared. So, Friday night we received the new apnea monitor. This is the first time we've had an alarm since Tristan was 2 days old, in the hospital, so we are thankful for that. Tristan had a great day today. I cannot say it enough, he has stolen my heart, especially when he turns his little head and looks at me with his dark eyes and smiles. I remember back in August when the "high risk" doctors said that Trisomy 18 babies are severally retarded and have lots of problems as they are considered "incompatible with life" (I'll never forget those words) therefore he would never act like a normal baby! I say "Really?" to that today. So far he is acting just like a normal baby. He eats every 3 hrs., he sleeps, he has dirty diapers, he cries, he sucks on his paci, he smiles and most importantly he loves his mommy to hold him. I also believe he knows the difference between each of us and although he may never be able to speak a word, he says so much with his little eyes. I know he must feel how much we all love him, after all we completely SMOTHER HIM WITH KISSES ALL DAY LONG, so why wouldn't he understand and feel that? I am so thankful the Lord is allowing Tristan to act like a normal baby, it is so comforting to us and it is great for Tanner to feel that normalcy too. I believe that when Tristan is no longer with us we will cling to these precious "normal baby" moments and they will help soothe our hurting hearts. Tonight Tanner went to our church with all of my and Trayc's family because one of his cousins has a part in the Christmas concert so we stayed home and spent time with Tayden and Tristan. After the concert Trayc's grandma came back to our house and is staying with us tonight to spend some time with Tristan. Please pray for Trayc's mom and grandma tonight as they take the "night hours", please pray for Tristan's strength and that he will not stop breathing again and pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 13 - Mommy's night out

Trayc's mom took the "night hours" so we were able to get another good night sleep. Tristan had another great night too! I just cannot believe we are on Day 13. The Lord is blessing us with so much more time than we ever asked for - 13 days NEVER seemed possible to us back in August. Tristan truly is our Christmas miracle and "our little fighter". Before I kiss Tristan goodnight I pray with him, I tell him I love him so much and that Jesus loves him. Sometimes I feel like I say the same prayer every night but I just don't know what else to say. My heart is overflowing with such thanks to the Lord as I am still in awe that Tristan is actually here with our family, in our home, but how many different ways can you say all of that? I know the Lord sees my heart and understands that although right now it's the same prayer every night, it comes straight from the purity of my heart:

Dear Jesus, Thank you, thank you, thank you for another wonderful day with Tristan. Thank you for allowing Tristan to make it to Day __. Thank you for entrusting this precious baby boy to our family knowing we would honor and glorify you in all that we say and do. Jesus, I am asking for another day with Tristan and I am still believing in the miracle of healing for his little body, however that might be. I pray that you will use our story as a testimony of your miracles and as an encouragement to all the girls who come behind me on this "Trisomy 18 road" and that Tristan's days with us will give them a renewed sense of hope as they continue in their pregnancy and the uncertainty of their own babies lives. Jesus watch over Tristan tonight. I thank you and praise you for all that you are doing in our family. Amen.

Trayc went to work today and then my grandparents came over this afternoon to see Tristan, you know he got lots of love and kisses from them, no one loves like a grandparent! The excitement for today? Mommy got out of the house, finally! True, I went to the doctor's appt. on Thursday but that's not really getting out of the house. Wow, the world still keeps going on around you doesn't it? I couldn't believe all of the Christmas decorations and lights in our neighborhood, they were beautiful - yes, I have definitely been in the house too long! I bought all the Christmas presents on my list, the day after Thanksgiving, wrapped them and put them under the tree because I knew I'd be home for awhile and not able to drive for at least 2 weeks but I never got around to buying the boys their Christmas outfits (I usually do this in November). I don't know, every time I'd walk into Hartstring Clothes for Children, I would get so sad and not be able to focus so we'd just leave. I buy the boys church clothes there so Tanner and Tayden can match (Tanner loves matching Tayden) but at the end of my pregnancy I just couldn't do it, my mind kept saying, "Tristan probably won't leave the hospital, he won't be here at Christmas so you'll never get to dress all 3 boys up for Christmas Day, you'll never make it to church for Christmas", Satan still tries to work on us all the way to the end, doesn't he? So with great excitement tonight, and obviously only 9 days left until church on Sunday the 23rd, I knew I needed to buy the boys their outfits, hey at least they're on sale now, right? After that we went to Target, that's all this girl needs to have a good night out - shopping at Target!!!! Trayc and I had fun getting out for 2 hrs. and spending some time alone but I was, at the same time, counting every minute we were gone and very anxious to get back because I felt guilty for leaving Tristan and was afraid something might happen and we couldn't get back in time. It was late when we came back home, Tanner and Tayden were in bed, so we took Tristan to our bed and spent 3 hrs. holding him, loving on him and praying with him. Please pray for Trayc's mom as she takes the "night hours", for Tristan's continued strength and for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 12 - Tristan loves his paci

Trayc's mom took the "night hours" so we were able to get another good night sleep. Tristan had a great night also. Trayc's mom said that when she has Tristan at night she reads her Bible, prays with him, sings Jesus Loves Me and then prays for the rest of the night. I am so thankful for a Godly Christian Mother-In-Law . She has not only been a HUGE help to us since we came home from the hospital but she has been a constant emotional support for me every day with her love, her words of encouragement and her words to me from scripture she is reading, it has meant so much to me. She was supposed to be leaving on Monday but we have been trying to talk her and Grandma into staying longer. We just keep praying for snow on top of the mountain (in Tennessee) so they'll have no choice but to stay - from the weather report it looks as though it is already happening!!!!! So, hopefully we'll have them at least until next Wednesday or Thursday. Trayc worked all day today so his mom and I took turns taking care of Tristan and she taught me how to do all of the feeding tube stuff. It's about a 6-step process so I'm "in training". Trayc learned all of it at the hospital but because I had such a difficult delivery and 5-day hospital stay I was not able to learn and since we got home last Friday, I have not been able to walk up and down the stairs (per doctors orders) all day, just once down at night and back up. The excitement for today was that Tristan took a pacifier (aka "paci" per Tanner and Tayden). We are so proud of him, this is such an accomplishment! We have noticed that he turns his head and sucks on his feeding tube all the time so we mentioned it to the geneticist yesterday and he said that we should try a preemie pacifier and a preemie bottle and see if he'd take it. The bottle feeding started off great, he was sucking the nipple without any problem but then we quickly realized he was not swallowing the formula so we used an aspirator and removed the formula from his mouth, therefore we're obviously going to stick to the feeding tube. We knew from research that most Trisomy 18 babies have the ability to suck but not swallow but it was worth trying. We then tried the pacifier and he loved it! He is so cute just sucking away, actually it sounds like he's smacking (By the way, the little doggie in the picture was given to Tristan by his big brothers, Tanner and Tayden. We bought Tanner one when he was born and then he bought Tayden one when he was born, so they bought Tristan one - it's a family tradition!) Tonight my mom and step-dad came over. My mom held Tristan for 2 hours while my step-dad took Tanner up to the playground, here in our neighborhood, and they played ball and played on the swings and monkey bars. It was great for Tanner to have some time away and able to spend it with his grandpa and just have fun, away from the reality of everything going on here at home - we have to keep reminding ourselves that although he has dealt with all of this so well since August, he is still just an 11 yr. old boy who loves and needs to have fun. Then my parents took Tanner to dinner and shopping. They came back with 2 preemie outfits and 2 "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments (1 for the family tree and 1 for Tristan's tree). Because we didn't know if Tristan would be born alive or come home we had asked, early on, that no one in the family buy him anything because I didn't want to have it at the house and I definitely didn't want to return anything - that would just break my heart, so now that he's made it this long my family is having fun buying a few things for Tristan. Again, as promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas by listening to Christmas music while we ate dinner and then we let Tanner spend time downstairs with Trayc's mom and we spent time upstairs in our room holding Tristan and taking pictures. Please continue to pray for Trayc's mom as she takes the "night hours", please pray for Tristan's strength, please pray for snow in the mountains (ha ha) and pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

THANK YOU to everyone who commented on our blog (or personally emailed us) re: our appt. with the geneticist yesterday. It was such an encouragement to Trayc as his heart was so broken! Yes, there are great doctors out there, but the Lord Jesus Christ is still and will always be in control. He is the only one who truly knows Tristan's time here with us and although we can appreciate their wisdom we cannot let it become our main focus or we'll miss out on the here-and-now and we cannot do that, we must continue "living in the moment" and enjoying every day He has given us with our miracle baby. The comments and prayers mean so much to us on a daily basis as we continue to travel this uncertain road.

Day 11 - Memorizing Tristan's face

Trayc and I took the "night hours" last night and let his mom sleep so that she could help me today and Trayc could return back to work for at least the next 2 days. Tristan had another great night, however, Trayc and I are very tired - Tristan has his days and nights mixed up so just as we were ready to turn off the lights he decided that he was ready to wake up, be BRIGHT-EYED and very alert and then he started crying. Of course, I can't just let him lay there sad, after all, he just wants his mommy to pick him up and love on him, okay that's my explanation to Trayc, but whatever it takes right? So I laid in the bed and held him for 2 hours until he finally fell asleep, all the while just looking at him, rubbing his cheeks and trying to memorize every precious little feature on his face, praying and thanking Jesus for allowing us another day. Trayc got up this morning and went to work but at 10:00 am he decided to make a phone call to Hospice to see if they were able speak with a geneticist we were referred to by our neonatalogist while at the hospital. Hospice said because this particular doctor was the top geneticists in town (He specializes in Trisomy 18 children) it would be very hard to get an appt. before March but we might be able to get a phone conference with him sooner than March. We thought March? We are only promised today with Tristan we can't wait that long! So Trayc decided to call the doctor's office directly and when he introduced himself to the medical assistant she said that the doctor was very familiar with our case and that he was anxious to meet with us and they had a cancellation for today at 2:00 pm. Can you see the blessing here? I truly believe the Lord allowed a cancellation for today because He knew we needed to talk to the doctor today, in person, not wait until March. We had never considered meeting with the geneticist before now, but when we came home from the hospital I told Trayc my biggest fear now is that we've been sent home with a Trisomy 18 baby and that's all we know. There are so many different things I've read on the Internet and received tons of information from other moms, like treatment for "blue spells" and the apnea monitors, etc. that no medical doctor has ever told me about, so as a mom I feel a little misinformed at this point and I don't ever want to feel like I missed doing something because we just didn't have the knowledge from a doctor. I mean, do we need to do any heart tests regarding the .4 mm hole we know he had back in August? Do we follow-up with any specialist other than Hospice? Is there any kind of treatment we should be doing to avoid the "blue spells"? Can we leave the house? Can we have visitors? What signs of distress do we look for? There are just so many questions now that we have Tristan home and I just wanted someone to be upfront and honest and tell us what to look for and expect from here because this is a road we've never traveled before. Trayc and I made a joint-decision early on in our pregnancy that Tristan would never have any kind of surgery or invasive procedure because we know the Lord is in control of this and He has given us Tristan as our miracle baby for whatever time He gives us, but at the same time I want to make sure we are fully aware of everything we need to know for as long as we have him. Trayc left work, came home, got Tristan and I and we headed to the appt. We met with the doctor for an hour. He was very nice, sensitive to our situation and yet at the same time honest and straight forward. He said that although Tristan's little features do look normal, he is a Trisomy 18 baby. He could tell by his little fingers that his hands have always been clenched which tells him everything to do with Tristan's little brain and how it is functioning. He said that he believes we will have a little time with him but just as we have already seen a little routine beginning to develop, we will begin to slowly see a degression in him over time, not just an automatic passing away. I guess for me we've been to so many pregnancy appts. that I have learned to never go in with high expectations, therefore I was not expecting any more or any less than what the doctor said today and nothing really caught me off guard. On the other hand, my sweet, precious, optimistic, Godly Christian husband has been earnestly praying since August 15th that Tristan would be the exception to the rule and to the Trisomy 18 statistics, that he would be like some of the stories we've read on the T-18 Foundation that lived for years! So imagine his heart as the doctor is talking to us. As the doctor left the room he literally broke down. I looked at him and said, "What's wrong?" He said, "I feel like the rug was just pulled out from under us and we lost any chance of having him longer, I just thought that because he looks so perfect and normal on the outside that there might just be a chance". Now, if you're a wife and have ever seen your husband break down and cry you will completely understand how I was feeling in that moment, all of a sudden I felt all of his pain and disappointment and it was crushing! Trayc has been the stronghold, the rock, the one who has held this family together emotionally since we found out about Tristan on August 15th. I have cried more tears than you can count and he has just held me in his arms, loved me and encouraged me day after day. On the way home he said, "I'm sorry for breaking down and for not being strong, I know it is so selfish of me to want more than the Lord has already given us, I just don't know how I'm going to let go of him?" I told him that I do understand and that I don't know how we'll let go either, and that it's okay that he is allowing himself to feel all of this. I believe the Lord has made it possible for him to be so strong because I needed him to be that for me since August, but today I was feeling great and strong and although the news was straight forward and very hard for me to hear and to accept, I was okay and I would be strong for both of us today. As promised, we celebrated Christmas tonight by listening to Christmas music during dinner and then because of the emotions we were feeling we let Tanner spend some time with Trayc's mom downstairs and we went upstairs, got in bed and held Tristan for 3 hrs. just looking at him and again trying to memorize every feature on his face, holding hands, crying bittersweet tears, talking about our entire pregnancy, and thanking the Lord for given us another wonderful day with our little miracle! Please pray for Trayc's mom as she takes the "night hours" tonight, please pray for Tristan's strength and MOST IMPORTANTLY please pray for my sweet husband, Trayc, as he deals with all the emotions he is now allowing himself to feel and that the Lord will just comfort him in the most incredible way!!!!

Day 10 - Enjoying every single moment

When I woke up this morning I realized the date was December 12th, this was originally supposed to be the day Tristan was born but due to the extra 4 weeks of fluid in my stomach and Tristan's stomach measuring 6 weeks behind the doctor was afraid Tristan may not make it until the 12th. I am so glad we moved it up and that we have already been able to share 10 days with him. The Lord is just blessing our family in the most unbelievable way. During my pregnancy we prayed that if God's plan would be better served by taking Tristan's little life early then we would accept that and if His plan would be better served by allowing him some time with us then we would honor and glorify the Lord in all that we did. Therefore, in obedience and thankfulness to the Lord we are enjoying every single moment we have with Tristan and thanking Him for it all day, as we remain in a prayerful spirit. Tristan had a great day and he is just amazing us as he becomes a little more alert each day. I had a follow up doctors appt. at 8:30 am this morning. My doctor said I was doing great - no fluid in my lungs and my hemoglobin level was 11.0, it was 8 in the hospital when they ordered the 2 blood transfusions, so this was great news. Now I'm just waiting for my energy to kick in, the doctor said it could take at least 3-4 more weeks due to the amount of blood loss, I just thought "new blood" meant I'd feel like a new person, immediately! The excitement for today was that we received the pulse oximeter from Hospice which will alarm when, and if, his heart rate slows down, he stops breathing or when his oxygen level gets too low. We had a Respiratory Therapist come to the house and teach us how to use it. I am hoping it will allow me to be a little less afraid to walk away from Tristan, at this point someone is watching him 24 hrs. a day. I realize it has the tendency to go off even if it's not "an emergency" but I would rather it alert us and there not be a need to rush to assistance than to not know what is going on. I know there is going to come a time I must completely release that fear and trust the Lord to take care of Tristan but it's just to soon for me right now not to worry 24 hrs a day that he might stop breathing and I couldn't help him. This brings back so many memories of when Tanner was born 11 yr. ago, he was 4 weeks early and only weighed 5 lbs. Although he was a healthy baby we still had him sleeping between us for the first 6 weeks so that we could watch him breath, so as you can imagine my fear is so much greater with Tristan. During my daily quiet time I am asking the Lord to calm my fears and allow me to not worry as much. As promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas tonight by listening to Christmas music during dinner and then Tayden was so tired from today that he went to bed early so Trayc and I spent some time upstairs with Tristan while Tanner and Trayc's mom spent time quality time together downstairs. Trayc and his brother own a tile, stone and granite company so fortunately he has been able to take off work for the past 10 days, however he is going to work for the next 2 days so we are taking the "night hours" tonight and allowing his mom to sleep so that she can help me tomorrow. Please pray for us as we take the "night hours", please pray that Trayc's mom will sleep well tonight, please pray for Trayc's mom and I as we take care of Tristan without Trayc tomorrow, please pray for Tristan's continued strength, and please pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Thank You: To our doctors/nurses

As we drove to the hospital, Baptist South of Jacksonville, Florida, on Monday, December 3, 2007 at 9:30 am we were full of excitement as we knew THIS would be the day we had been longing for and praying about since August, the day we would finally be able to hold our precious baby boy, Tristan, and yet at the same time for me there was a great fear - the fear of what the day would hold. After we found out about Tristan having Trisomy 18, I began praying specifically for 2 things in regard to the hospital: (1) that we would have the "big room" at the end of the hallway(I couldn't remember the room #) so that all of our family members could be in one room at the same time with plenty of space and so that we would be completely isolated from all of the other new parents with healthy babies and (2) that the nurses taking care of us would completely understand our situation and would sympathize with us, when and if needed. Our expectations were more than met as we entered the 3rd floor Labor & Delivery. We were greeted by a group of nurses with smiling faces saying "Good morning" and then they introduced us to our first nurse, Jen, who was so sweet as she talked to us, calmed my fears and walked us down the hallway to our room. She said, "You'll love your room, you have the big room which you will need with all of your family" (you couldn't miss all of my family walking behind us). I said, "Is it the end room?" She said, "Yes, you know the room?" I said, "Yes, we've seen it before but more importantly I've been praying for this room since August 15th!" She said, "You have?" This was the beginning of what was the most incredible hospital stay we've ever experienced. We've had both our boys at Baptist with the same doctors and with nice nurses but nothing compares to what we experienced for 5 days last week. On our wedding day back in October 1990, we had a couple sing the song "Holy Ground". When we look back on our hospital stay, from the moment we entered the doors of the 3rd floor Labor & Delivery and were met by our nurse Jen, to the moment our nurse, Rani, wheeled me outside to our car and hugged us all goodbye, this is what it felt like to us. Here are the words to that song:

As I walked through the door, I sensed His presence
and I knew this was a place where love abounds
for this is the temple, Jehovah God abides here
and we are standing in His presence on holy ground.
We are standing on holy ground
and I know there are angels all around,
let us praise Jesus now,
we are standing in His presence on holy ground.
In His presence, there is joy beyond all measure,
at His feet peace of mind can still be found,
if you have a need I know He has the answer,
reach out and claim it for we are standing on holy ground.
Let us praise Jesus now,
we are standing in His presence,
we are standing in His presence,
we are standing in His presence on holy ground.

• To my doctors: Dr. Wilford E. Paulk, we appreciate all of your support and encouragement as we met with you every 2 weeks from August 15th to Nov. 29th for sonograms and appts. We realize we came to our appts. with lots of questions and sometimes asked the same questions over and over, week after week, trying to comprehend all that we would be facing in the days ahead and for all the times I was emotional, thank you for understanding and for your soft, sweet reassurance as we traveled this uncertain journey with our precious baby boy. The Lord truly blessed us with you and we hope you know how much we love and appreciate everything you have done for us and for our miracle baby boy, Tristan! AND to Dr. Joseph C. Greenhaw, thank you for being so sweet and comforting from the moment they took me into the OR for the c-section, through all of my unexpected complications, for helping me understand the need of having 2 blood transfusions and calming my fears about it, for joining hands with us and our nurse, Lisa, as she prayed regarding the transfusions and for being excited and sharing in our joy on the last day as we prepared to take our precious baby boy, Tristan, home. The Lord truly blessed us with you and we hope you know how much we love and appreciate everything you have done for us and our miracle baby boy, Tristan! May the Lord continue to bless both of you as you do what the Lord has called you to do, help bring life - especially miracle babies like Tristan - into this world.
  

• To our sweet Christian nurses: Lisa, Katie, Brenda. Our hearts are overwhelmed with gratitude for what you three mean to us. Your DAILY support, love, hugs, tears (when we cried), your prayers with us and especially your prayers while you stood over Tristan means more than we can ever express. We truly believe the Lord placed each one of you in our room - Room 336 - for a purpose, His purpose, and we appreciate you allowing the Lord to work through you and to use you in our lives and the lives of our family members while we were in the hospital for 5 days. As you know, I had a lot of emotional moments, and moments I was scared when Tristan had his "blue spells" and nervousness when I was told "it was imperative" I receive 2 transfusions and then add my physical weakness to all of that, yet every moment you were all there encouraging me and loving me never pushing me to do more than I could do and never expecting me to emotionally act in a way that I could not. May the Lord continue to bless each of you as you do what the Lord has called you to do, taking care of new moms and new babies - especially miracle babies like Tristan. We hope you three and the entire 3rd floor Labor & Delivery staff enjoyed the Peterbrooke Chocolate basket, just a little thank you gift from Trayc and I and my parents, The Makepeaces.
  

• To everyone else we came in contact with during our stay (registration personnel, nurses that were not personally assigned to us, neonatalogists, dietary deliveries, etc.): Thank you for your sweet spirit every time you entered our room, for understanding our situation and for sharing in our joy and excitement of our miracle baby boy, Tristan. It was greatly appreciated!
  

Day 9 - Opening up my heart

We've made it to Day 9 and Tristan has had another great day! We have increased his feedings to 19 ml every 3 hours. He is now able to maintain his body temp. for about 2 hours while he is out of his bassinet. There are about 3 hours, off and on, during the day that he is VERY alert, with both his little eyes wide open and he just looks all around, it is so comforting to me - how do I feel such overwhelming love being returned back to me, through Tristan's little eyes, when he can't even speak a word? The only way I know to answer that is the Lord Jesus has completely opened up my heart to feel all that I am feeling. Before Tristan was born I was afraid to allow myself to really feel much because I was so scared of being vulnerable with my heart and afraid that if I did I would be devastated if I never had the opportunity to hold him, love him and tell him through my words and through my touch how much I loved him and was so proud of him for being our "little fighter" and making it to the end. But since he was born last Monday I have, day-by-day, allowed my heart to become open to all that I feel and it is just amazing! We didn't really have much excitement today we just kind of relaxed and rested all day. Again, as promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas by listening to Christmas music while we ate dinner and then, so that Trayc's mom could get some more rest, we went upstairs and just spent time holding Tristan, taking lots of pictures of the 3 boys and talking about how thankful we were that the Lord has given us these past 9 days. Please continue to pray for Trayc's mom as she takes the "night hours", please pray for Tristan's strength, and pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 8 - Tristan is one week old

Happy Birthday to Tristan - he is one week old TODAY!!!!! It is so hard to believe that we entered the hospital doors exactly one week ago, not knowing what we would face in the week ahead and yet here we are celebrating and rejoicing that our precious baby boy has made it 8 days. These have been the most incredible 8 days of our lives. Our hearts are just overwhelmed with love for Tristan. Although I would have never chosen this road for myself I am so thankful that the Lord trusted Trayc and I to be the parents of this very special little boy and has allowed us the opportunity to see and feel the awesome power of His miracles. Tristan had another great day and we increased his feeding to 18 ml. The excitement for today was that Peggy McAteer, the photographer from "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" organization, and her wonderful assistant Mark, came to our house tonight at 5:00 pm to take family Christmas pictures. When we first met with Peggy back in October, to schedule our prenatal and our hospital pictures, she had also mentioned that she would love to come to our house and take family pictures of us when we got home. Honestly, I never believed it would happen - I guess I just didn't have enough faith to believe we'd ever leave the hospital with Tristan, even though I so badly wanted to. So, imagine the joy in my heart as we sat in our home, in front of our Christmas tree and took family pictures tonight, not as a family of 4 but thank you Jesus for allowing it to be a family of 5!!!!!!! The pictures will be ready for us in a few days and we will make Birth Announcement/Christmas Cards with those pictures. After they left we took some more family pictures just so we could have them to look at right now (that's what we posted above). Again, as promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas by listening to Christmas music during dinner and then we just stayed at the table for another hour enjoying a sweet time of sharing, eating dessert and watching Tanner draw some artwork out of a gift Trayc's mom gave him. Please pray for Trayc's mom as she continues taking the "night hours" so that we can sleep, please pray for continued strength for Tristan and please pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 7 - The bassinet once forgotten

Oh, it is so good to have Trayc's mom staying with us to take the "night hours"!!!!! My entire nine months of pregnancy was spent with many, many restless nights with the last 2 months of my pregnancy only getting about 4 hours of sleep a night due to the size of my stomach (4 weeks of extra fluid). Then in the hospital, due to all of my complications, I only got about 3-4 hours of sleep a night so basically I have not had a great night sleep since March - that's a long time. I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I went to bed at 11:00 pm and slept until 9:00 am. this morning! Obviously I felt very rested today (Thank you to my sweet mother-in-law). Tristan is doing so good. He had another great day. His feeding increased from 15 ml to 17 ml and he is maintaining his own body temp. Today he was very alert - he opened both eyes real wide and followed us as we moved, it was priceless! He makes this little sound when he's hunger or has a dirty diaper that honestly sounds like a little kitten and Tayden, our 1 1/2 yr. old, runs over to Tristan (with one hand stretched out) touches the blanket and says "kitty", he's right that's exactly what it sounds like. I never said the word "BABY" to Tayden during my pregnancy because first I knew he didn't understand I was pregnant and second was afraid that if Tristan didn't make it then it would just break my heart to hear him say the words. But since Tristan was born alive and we were at the hospital for a week all of our family kept saying "See the baby?" Well, this morning when I woke up I heard him in his room talking and he said, "Baby" "Baby" "Baby" (3 xs in a row). It was soooo cute and music to my hears!!!! We were not able to go to my grandparent's house last night and pick-up the bassinet so today Trayc picked it up. Therefore, the excitement for today was that we were able to set up the bassinet once forgotten. I never dreamed we'd be setting it up and using it for Tristan, what an exciting moment for our family and truly another miracle the Lord has allowed us to experience. And, again as promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas. After dinner the boys changed into their matching "Nascar" P.J.'s, we listened to Christmas music, I sat on the couch holding Tristan and Trayc and the boys sat on the floor so the boys could open lots of gifts from Trayc's mom and grandma and we took lots and lots of pictures. We are just enjoying every minute we have and living "in the moment". Please continue to pray for Trayc's mom as she takes the night hours which allows us to be rested for the next day and for our family as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 6 - Relaxing day!

Tristan slept between Trayc and I last night in that we did not have the bassinet here at our house (we had left all the baby stuff at my grandparent's house back in August, not sure if we would bring Tristan home). So, we made him a palate out of Tayden's changing table pad until we could get the bassinet. We took turns watching him all night. He is doing extremely well with the tube feeding, where he was originally at 10 ml in the hospital, he has now increased to 15 ml and has had no "blue spells" since Tuesday. We are still trying to figure things out like how to maintain his body temp. so that he doesn't get too cold, we are used to the hospital warmer being on 24 hrs a day which automatically kept his temp. maintained. We have spent the day just relaxing, catching up on emails, updating our blog with entries/pictures, unpacking from the hospital and taking turns just holding, loving on and praying over Tristan. In our prayer tonight Tanner said, "and Jesus we don't have much to offer to you but we bring Tristan to you and place him at your feet as our offering" and "we thank you for giving us just another wonderful day, day 6, with Tristan". Wow, Tanner's 11 yr. old - just when sometimes you wonder if what we attempt to teach on a daily basis is really sinking in and then he prays like that ... what more could any parent ask for? We are so very, very proud of Tanner for the way he has handled and accepted this entire journey since August 15th. We have known since the beginning that this would be a lot for any 11 yr. old to understand and accept but we have tried and will continue to try and lead, guide and teach him through this time and in the end hope and pray that we have taught him to love, trust and obey Jesus no matter the circumstance and He will bless you more than you can even imagine. Trayc's mom will begin staying with us tonight and take care of Tristan during the night hours so that we can sleep and be prepared and rested for the next day. Please continue to pray for Tristan that we will have another day with him, please pray that we will be able to find an easy way to maintain his body temp., please pray for Trayc's mom as she begins taking care of Tristan tonight and pray for us as a family as we face a new day tomorrow.

Still Day 5 - Celebrating Christmas

Early on we promised Tanner that if we brought Tristan home from the hospital we would celebrate Christmas every night in December. So after dinner tonight the boys changed into their matching "doggie" P.J.'s, we dressed Tristan in an outfit his cousins gave him today , we sat on the couch and listened to Christmas music, the boys each opened a gift and we took lots of pictures. We ended our family's Christmas celebration with having special prayer thanking Jesus for allowing the following: (1) Tristan to be born alive, (2) Tristan still being with us on Day 5, (3) Tristan being able to leave the hospital, (4) Tristan being able to come home and (5)Tristan being able to celebrate our First Christmas with him. We cannot even begin to tell you the excitement we have felt celebrating this evening, although realizing this might be the only Christmas we have with him, we made it one we will forever remember. Please continue to pray for us us we face each new and uncertain day ahead.

Day 5 - We brought Tristan home!

Praise the Lord - Tristan passed his jaundice test and I was completely cleared by my doctors! It has been a very long week for all of us in that we had hoped to be leaving the hospital on Wednesday morning. Today was a miracle, we honestly never expected to be leaving the hospital with our precious baby boy Tristan. Back on August 15th when we found out about Tristan having Trisomy 18 leaving the hospital empty handed is something I greatly feared and yet we did leave, not empty handed but with our precious baby in my arms, holding him so tightly to my chest and smiling the biggest smile I ever have as we excited the hospital doors and pulled up to our home. You can only imagine the excitement that filled our hearts and the hearts of all of our family. From the beginning, our two greatest prayers were for Tristan to be born alive and allow our family members to see him alive and that was really all we asked the Lord for. As the week continued we started praying for more, that the Lord allow us to leave the hospital and take Tristan home so that we could celebrate Christmas with him. We made it home and we are celebrating Christmas starting tonight!!!!!!!

Day 4 - Peaceful day until ...

After a long day yesterday we had Yvette's mom and my mom spend the night at the hospital with hopes of once again getting some much needed rest. Our moms left at 10:00 am this morning because Yvette had an easier night and Tristan had no more episodes or problems. Yvette is still very weak and anemic, her blood pressure is still high and she has developed some fluid in her lungs. We had originally planned to go home today but due to all of Yvette's complications the doctors will not release her until she is completely stable. Because we have had several rough days all of our family members felt it was best for them to stay home and let us have some "peace and quiet". It was a very peaceful day with no additional complications for Yvette but after Tristan's jaundice test results were received at 1:00 pm the neonatalogist informed us that he needed to spend 24 hours (straight) under the Billi-lights. We completely understand the reason for this, however, this became VERY DEVASTATING news to Yvette in that she has been unable to hold Tristan much since he was born on Tuesday due to of her own complications and because she had set several goals for herself last night: (1)be able to have the strength to get out of bed for the first time since Monday, (2) be able to get off oxygen (3)be able to pass the inhaler incentive test, (4) be able to eat solid foods (5) be able to walk to the couch (6) and most importantly, be able to hold Tristan all day!!!! After the neonatalogist understood Yvette's disappointment she allowed her to hold him twice that day, although this was not what Yvette had originally hoped for, it was better than not holding him at all. We were really hoping to go home first thing in the morning but now we will have to wait until the jaundice test is administered at 6:00 am, and results received at 8:00 am, to determine Tristan's levels before he could be released and Yvette will have to pass several tests in regard to her lungs, kidneys, blood pressure, etc. before she could be released. Please pray for us this evening as this has all been emotionally hard for Yvette, in that we were emotionally prepared for anything that Tristan would bring us, but we never really considered Yvette having any complications because she's had 2 previous and uneventful c-sections.
We love you all. (Written/posted by Trayc Hostetter)

Day 3 - A long night

As I mentioned yesterday, Yvette's mom stayed with us last night so that we could some sleep, however, what was supposed to be a night of much needed rest quickly became anything but that. We did not go to sleep until midnight due to Yvette's nausea and weakness from the transfusions. As Tristan's 4:00 AM feeding rolled around we entered into the darkest part of our journey so far. Earlier on we had attempted to bottle feed with no success due to Tristan's small size and lack of ability to suck, therefore we had no option but to tube feed. As we began administering the 4:00 AM feed we quickly realized that all of his feedings thus far were backed up into his stomach and he began aspirating his formula. As his little body quivered the neonatologist and I quickly removed all the tubes and began suctioning out his airways and stomach as Tristan stopped breathing and quickly turned a dusky shade of blue. Fortunately God gave Tristan the strength to fight his way through and after some aggressive massage and a little oxygen "blow by" his color began to return and God extended his stay. Thirty minutes later we began to realize that the root of his problem had not been solved. As he had his second apnea episode. In while we cleared his airways and stomach, the problem lie in the fact that every meal that he had eaten up to that point was backed up in his intestines because he had not yet eliminated the "tar like" meconium. We decided to give him glycerin to help him produce stools, and release the pressure in his distended bowels and allow for greater expansion of his lungs. Between 4:30 and 11:00 Tristan stopped breathing eight times and had to be assisted. Once his poops increased, his stomach decreased and he was incident free for the remainder of the day. Yvette and I had read about "blue spells" through other families experiences and I must say, it was more terrifying than I could have imagined. Thank you Father, it wasn't his time. We have since begun checking for residual undigested food from the previous meal before we begin his next feeding. Maybe tonight some rest will come.
(Written and posted by Trayc Hostetter)

Day 2 - Tristan's 1st Birthday Party

As Yvette and Tristan rest, I wanted to post an update. As I mentioned yesterday, Yvette lost alot of blood during her c-section, more than twice what is normal. In addition, the doctors considered her to be "dry" first because she had nothing to eat or drink from Sunday night until the delivery, second because of the amount of fluid lost during her surgery. That and the loss of blood caused her hemoglobin levels to drop dangerously low. After praying with our nurse Lisa and our doctor, we decided that it was imperative that she be given two blood transfusions. Through all of this, Tristan, "our little fighter" remained stable. This morning Tanner and I went down stairs to the gift shop so he could buy his baby brother his first "happy birthday" balloon. Our family members visited with us all day and at 5:00 pm we joined hands in prayer and thanked the Lord for the miracle that He has given us over the past 29 hours that Tristan has been alive. We all sang happy birthday, took pictures and ate birthday cake. Yvette's mom will stay with us tonight so that she can watch Tristan and we can sleep. Please continue to pray for us as we approach a new day.
We love you all. (Written/posted by Trayc Hostetter)

Day 1 - Tristan's Birthday

Today is Tristan's birthday! We checked into the hospital at 10:00 am and were met by all of our family members. The nurse checked us in and got us settled into our room and then one by one our family members came in to pray and visit with us. We were taken to the O.R. at 12:00 noon. Tristan Asher Hostetter was born by c-section at 12:42 this afternoon. He weighed 4 lbs. and 4 oz., he was 16.5 inches long and has dark brown colored-hair. While Yvette,Yvette's sister (Kim) and I were in the O.R., our family members gathered together in the waiting room from 12-1:00 holding hands, reading scripture, and praying earnestly for us. We could feel the prayers and the presence of the Lord completely surrounding us today - we are so grateful for godly Christian families that has been passed down to us by generations and generations before us. As you can imagine this day was gone before we knew it. Please be in prayer for Yvette as her blood pressure is very high due to a high loss of blood during the c-section. Tanner & I are taking shifts watching and praying over Tristan tonight so Yvette can get some much needed rest. I cannot begin to express the gratitude in our hearts for each and every one of you that has prayed our family to this point. Please continue praying for us in the days ahead.
We love you all. (Written/posted by Trayc Hostetter)

Heading to the hospital

We are just minutes away from walking out the door and heading to the hospital to have our precious baby boy, Tristan. We have waited for this day since we found out we were pregnant on April 10th, however we have longed for this day even more since we found out on August 15th that he would be born with Trisomy 18. We honestly did not know if we would even make it to today but we have, thanks and praise to the Lord for allowing us the opportunity to still have Tristan with us, alive and kicking inside of me!!!! I would love to say that I got a lot of much needed sleep last night in preparation for today but I cannot, however it was not for any reason other than the mere fact that Tristan kicked ALL NIGHT, but what a blessing! There have been several nights, the past week and half, that I did not feel him kick much during the day and then by night time it just seemed to disappear and then slowly start back the next day. Trayc and I laid in bed many nights trying to move my stomach around, push on it and then I would try to drink O.J. and when that didn't work I'd drink Dr. Pepper and then if that didn't work I'd drink the ultimate sugar boast, Mountain Dew, just to feel him. Because we became concerned, and honestly very scared, we went to the hospital last Sunday morning to be sure everything was okay. After checking, his heart rate was 142, same as always however since then we have been extremely concerned that we may not make it to today. Needless to say, because of that it has been a week and a half of "roller coaster emotions" just praying he would survive to today, that is why I say that Tristan kicking ALL NIGHT and getting no sleep, the night before he is born was such a huge blessing!!! I laid there feeling every kick, every movement just crying and praying to the Lord thanking Him for bringing us this far. I would ask that you please pray for Trayc and I as parents today in that we do not know what the day will hold, please especially pray for Tanner, he is so excited to be a BIG brother again, but also completely realizes the uncertainty of every minute today - his little 11 yr old heart will be full of excitement and yet sad at the same time, please pray for Tayden (although only 1 1/2 yr old not even understanding that I'm pregnant, he is part of our family, has been a part of this journey and he will be a BIG brother for the 1st time today), please pray that Tristan will be strong enough to make it through the delivery alive, please pray that we will have a very special day with our precious baby boy and enjoy every moment we have him. Please pray for my family, for Trayc's family and for every doctor, nurse and specialist that will be a part of our care-team while we are in the hospital. We would also ask that you continue to pray for us in the upcoming weeks as our journey does not end with the birth of Tristan, we will begin a new, different and very uncertain journey today but are confident that the Lord will continue to carry us on that new journey just as he has carried us every day of my pregnancy. We will update our blog as soon as possible today.

SPECIAL REQUEST: We have 25 family members that will be at the hospital ALL DAY today and because we do not know what today, nor the upcoming days, will hold and how long we will have with Tristan we are asking that only our family members join us at the hospital but we greatly appreciate every person who has offered to be there.

The day before

Today is "the day before" Tristan will be born. We are just going to spend a relaxing morning at home as a family (in that this will be the last day we are all 4 together until possibly Thursday), finalize our packing for the hospital, attend Tanner's Christmas musical at church tonight and end the evening with a special time of prayer for our unborn baby boy, Tristan. To be honest, I am filled with such mixed emotions right now. Part of me is so excited because I cannot believe I will finally be holding Tristan in my arms tomorrow, then there is a part of me that is a little scared about the unknown of tomorrow and then there is a part of me that will really miss feeling Tristan kick all day and night, knowing he is safe and alive inside of me, so I want to stay pregnant! However, with all of these mixed emotions running through my head, I still have a very real sense of peace and I am completely trusting in the Lord to carry us in the upcoming days, no matter what that might entail. Please keep us in your prayers as we spend this last day together as a family and finish preparing for tomorrow.

Greatly appreciative

As we are quickly approaching the birth of Tristan I just wanted to let everyone know that we have greatly appreciated every phone call, every email, every letter, every comment on our blog, every deed that has been done, every new friendship formed, every Internet friend made and certainly every prayer that has been lifted up to the Lord on behalf of our family and our precious unborn baby boy, Tristan. It has meant so much to us and been a great source of comfort and encouragement to know that there are so many people, ones we know personally and ones we don't, that have been on this journey with us since August. We pray that every word we have spoken and every word we have typed has in some way touched your lives and encouraged you and has ultimately honored and gloried the Lord Jesus Christ. Although when we first started out on this "Trisomy 18 road" on August 15th it was filled with total devastation, depression, sadness and deep sorrow the Lord has turned our tragedy into such a sweet blessing and true miracle, we will always remember this as a sweet journey chosen by the Lord, especially for our family. We not only feel chosen but honored that the Lord has entrusted in Trayc and I, as Tristan's parents, the ultimate task of carrying Tristan to full-term knowing we would, no matter how short his life may be, always honor Him in every decision we made. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as we approach the last 2 days of our pregnancy and look forward to Tristan's birth on Monday.

Special prayer request: The Luce family (Poppy Joy)

As I mentioned in my entry dated October 1st, while on this "Trisomy 18 road", I have had the opportunity to become very good "Internet friends" with Angie Luce. She and Nathan went to the hospital at 3:00 a.m. this morning due to Angie having contractions that started at 12:30 a.m. and her doctor decided to admit her. She will be having a c-section at 10:00 a.m. I would ask that you join me in prayer ALL DAY as they await the arrival of their precious daughter, Poppy Joy!!!! Please pray for Angie, Nathan, for their 2-year old daughter, Marianna, and for all of their extended family members that will be joining them today. Also, please pray that Poppy Joy will be born alive, that her heart rate will remain strong, that they will be able to share some "unforgettable moments" with her, that Poppy Joy will be strong enough to leave the hospital and that the entire Luce family will feel a sense of total peace from the Lord. They have a post on their blog from this morning at 6:52 am and I know they will update their blog as soon as possible, as will I.

******UPDATE*******

We went out this afternoon and spent the day as a family buying last minute things we need for the hospital on Monday and just returned this evening at 9:30 pm. I rushed in and ran to the computer to check on Angie only to find the news I was NOT expecting to find, Poppy Joy had gone home to be with Jesus!!!! Oh my heart just aches for the Luces right now. I am in mere shock and yet I am reminded again of the reality and sadness of this disorder. And then a part of me is excited that their 2 greatest desires were fulfilled - that she would be born alive and that she would be able to spend time with her family. And how sweet it was for Marianna to ask to hold Poppy, especially being only 2 yr old., what a blessing and I am sure a sight in Angie and Nathan's eyes that will never be forgotten. Please continue to pray for the Luces while they remain in the hospital this week, for Angie to quickly heal from the intense surgery today, as they prepare to leave the hospital and especially for them as they face the upcoming weeks. For the complete birth and home-going of Poppy Joy please click on their link located to the right, under our family picture.


James 5:16 says: "Confess your faults to one another and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man (friend) availeth much."