Happy Easter

As believers we celebrate today, Easter, in remembrance of the Resurrection of Jesus. Our church performed the Passion Play for 3 days last weekend. I believe it was, by far, the best performance our church has ever done. It was performed in such a way that it drew you in, to the point that you felt as though you were there! I've been a part of our church performances in the past and I have also attended other performances but I have never been so touched and received the blessing I did this year. We've all seen the picture of Jesus with the little children on His knee, like in all children's Bibles, and I've seen this scene acted out before but it really meant something this year because my little boy is there - my little boy is in Heaven, my little boy is at the feet of Jesus with all of his little friends. There was a part in the performance where Jesus was holding the dead girl, he lifted her up and he spoke His word and she came alive. He hugged her and then kissed her forehead - somebody pass the Kleenex, our entire family has tears! I was crying and thought to myself, although the Lord did not chose to heal Tristan on this earth, he WAS healed. He was healed on January 27th at 4:40 pm, the moment he left my arms and was in the arms of Jesus. Tanner leaned over and whispered, "Mommy, that's what Tristan and Poppy Joy and Maddox and Mary Grace are doing right now". He had this big smile on his face, oh to have the excitement and faith of a little child.

I also love Easter because it marks the beginning of a new season, the beginning of Spring. There is just something about the crisp smell in the air and the cool morning breeze that is so refreshing! Yesterday morning Trayc asked if I knew how many days it had been since Tristan passed away. I said, "No, why?" He said, "I don't know, the number 56 is Tristan's number so I was just wondering if it had been 56 days since he passed away?" I said, "Why?" He said, "Because that would mean he would have been gone as long as he lived!". I got curious so I went to the calendar and counted it up. Guess how many days it had been? Yes, 56 days exactly! You know, it is so hard to believe that Tristan has already been gone as many days as he lived. Those were the most incredible 56 days of our lives. I have experienced a love like never before, I felt so much love being returned back to me from his little dark brown eyes. How do you feel that when he never uttered a word? Oh there's only one answer - the Lord! He allowed Tristan enough days on this earth to start visually communicating back, through his little eyes and attempting to move his little lips when I would talk to him, so that I, HIS MOMMY, would never forget that feeling!!!! And although I sit here and attempt to type these words through eyes filled with tears and tears quickly rushing down my face, they are sweet tears, they are tears of love because I miss my little boy so much and they are tears of thankfulness that the Lord allowed us so much time. Never experiencing death and grief like this I certainly did not know what to expect and although the emptiness is still felt in my heart and the longing to hold my little boy is still there, our family is doing great! We are living this "new kind of normal" that everyone talks about and we are looking forward to the future with excitement and anticipation trusting in the Lord to carry us each and every day believing He has great plans for us.

We had a busy Saturday beginning with our neighborhood's Easter egg hunt. It was so much fun because Tayden was only a year old last year so he was not walking nor was he into the egg hunt but this year he was so cute. He would run pick up an egg, put it in his basket and get so excited he'd clap his hands together and yell "Yeah!" and then run to the next one - it was a sweet moment as I watched my little boy run around. Tanner found the golden egg so he won a big beach bucket filled with beach stuff so he was excited and then Tanner was helping Tayden open his eggs and eat the candy. Tanner and Tayden have truly made this journey a little easier emotionally because they keep us going and they definitely keep us laughing. We had so much fun spending the rest of the day together shopping, getting haircuts, buying shoes for the boys, getting ready for Easter and dying eggs. Of course, you all know that Tanner had to make one that said, "Tristan 56 days" because he loved his little brother so much!

We woke up early this morning, ate breakfast and looked forward to the boys opening up their baskets but bless his heart, Tayden was so tired he couldn't keep his eyes open so Tanner said "Why don't we just wait until after church" so we did. We went to Sunday School and church. As I sat in church this morning I was thinking about all the ways we have been blessed this year and how thankful I am for so much in my life. How many people are fortunate enough to go to church and sit on the row with their entire family? Probably not many, so many families move away from their childhood home but not us, we're still here and as long as the Lord allows, we always will be. We sit every week on the same row with all of my family. I can't even explain the joy I feel in my heart as I stand on that row knowing we're all there together praising the Lord through worship. On the way home from church I reminded Trayc that this time last year we woke up early to take our 2nd pregnancy test (the 1st one we took the day before had a 2nd line but it was a slight color so Trayc didn't believe it), so Easter morning I took another test and the same thing happened, the 2nd line turned a slight color, but Trayc still didn't believe it so after church we headed to Target to get another one - a name brand test as Trayc insisted that was the problem with the first two tests, we rushed home, took another test and the 2nd line did NOT turn pink so we decided not to tell our family at lunch. But I knew, I just knew we were pregnant and was so excited thinking about the fact that come next Easter we would have another baby. Although there was a sadness this morning as we only dressed 2 of my 3 boys (in matching outfits) and that our family picture only shows our family of 4 instead of our family of 5, I will always remember the excitement we felt this time last year knowing we were pregnant with our third baby, the excitement of making through all 9 months of my pregnancy and that our little boy lived 56 days!

We ate lunch and then Tanner gave me a flower he had made (see top picture) which he had written all 3 of the boys names on it and then he and Tayden opened their baskets. Tayden was so cute trying to open the eggs because he just learned at the egg hunt, yesterday, that there was candy inside and then Tanner helped him open his "Cars" car. He started watching the movie a few weeks ago, yes we are attempting to watch something besides Thomas, Tanner is so tired of ONLY watching Thomas, so now he steals all of Tanner's hot wheels, we knew it was time for him to have a car of his own. We had a real sweet family day!

I would ask that you remember each girl that has lost their precious baby since last Easter. Even though we all know the real meaning of Easter and we are beginning to move forward, I believe there will be an emptiness felt within the hearts of many girls this morning. After all, there is just something about buying one less Easter outfit, buying and filling one less Easter basket and one less person in your family picture that will be a reminder of our losses. I find comfort today knowing that my precious little boy is in the arms of Jesus and surrounded by all of his little friends: Maddox, Poppy Joy, Mary Grace, Miller Grace, Asher "Happy" and his brother Issac, Jonathan, Madeline, Eliot, Joshua, Copeland, Christian, Molly, Riley, Sully and Eva.

Please remember sweet Chrissy, her husband Vinnie and their 2 children Mya and Dominic as they are grieving the loss of precious Eva Janette. She was such a fighter. She lived 5 incredible days, I am so thankful they had time to love and bond with her. Eva went from her mommy's arms to the arms of Jesus at 2:57 am this morning. As her mommy said, "She made it HOME for Easter". Please visit their blog (www.evajanette.blogspot.com) for more information and please be praying for them as they prepare for Eva's celebration of life service on Tuesday.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day with your family!

Happy Easter from our family to yours........
Trayc, Yvette, Tanner and Tayden

Luke 18:15 says: "People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Matthew 28:1-6 says: "After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, Do not be afraid for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay".