A "Beth Moore" Weekend

I have had the most incredible weekend! Girls, if you've never attended a Beth Moore conference I encourage you to find one in a city near you and GO, I promise you will leave feeling renewed, on fire for the Lord and seeking to do the Lord's work with a great passion!!!! These are pictures from our weekend. 15,000 woman assembled in one place, all to worship the Lord and learn how to be a godly Christian women.






Back in December, Trayc had mentioned Beth was coming in March but I did not even consider it because our days were so uncertain with Tristan. After Tristan passed away, Trayc again mentioned that the BM conference was in March and that he'd really like for me to go. I told him that I didn't really want to be away from him. Trayc has been my security since receiving Tristan's diagnosis in August so I am okay as long as I'm with him but I begin to feel so emotionally weak and feel like the weight of my loss is upon me when I'm not with him. Trayc went online to make sure there were still tickets available and said that I still had some time to think about it and that he really wanted me to go. Trayc has been to several Promise Keepers events over the years so he knew I'd have the same experience he did. I thought about it for several weeks and as I have slowly felt more emotionally stable, my days are good and my nights are so much better (huge answer to prayer!), I told him I thought I could do it. He assured me that if I didn't feel strong enough that he'd go with me - what a great husband, willing to go to a women's conference! I prayed about who I'd like to ask to go with me and there was only one friend whose name immediately came to mind, as she has walked this road with me every day since August. I called and asked if she'd like to go and she said she'd love to. She had never been to a BM conference either and she was going through some things in her own life that she needed some direction in also. So we bought our tickets 3 weeks ago and have been anxiously awaiting the conference!

I headed out Friday night, by myself, for the one hour drive. I passed by the hospital and decided to just start thanking the Lord for every part of Tristan's life instead of crying, then I passed by a cemetery (not Tristan's, but every cemetery is now a reminder) and kept trying to be thankful and just as I was pulling into the restaurant, to meet my friend for dinner, I looked across the street only to see Tristan's cardiologist office. Although a part of me was really beginning to feel overwhelmed after the hospital, the cemetery and now the cardiologist office and my heart was saying go back home, it's too soon to do this, I stopped and thought to myself "No, I'm not going to cry, I'm not going back home, I'm going to be okay and I am not going to let Satan use things to distract me from what the Lord has for me this weekend". I sat down at the table and immediately told my friend all that I was feeling and she sweetly assured me that I'd be okay. We had a wonderful dinner and time of sharing and then headed to the conference. We walked in the door 15 minutes after they had opened (45 minutes before it started) and we ended up at the very, very top! Even though we were just about as high as you could get, we could feel the Holy Spirit moving throughout the coliseum in a very real way! We stood there in awe as we looked around at the approximately 15,000 woman assembled in one place, in Downtown Jacksonville, that were there for one purpose, to learn more about having a closer relationship with the Lord - what an amazing site to see! The conference was incredible. The music by Travis Cottrel and the praise team was very worshipful and the message by Beth was phenomenal. She was so inspiring. There were so many things to write down that I could not take notes fast enough! My friend and I left with an excitement and were longing to return the next day.

Saturday started off quite early as I headed out the door at 6:00 am, fortunately there is a brand new Starbucks right off I-95, as I was in much need of some coffee. Being a stay-at-home-mom for 5 years now, 5:00 am is WAY TO EARLY to get out of bed, but it was so worth it. I drove down the road just a singing - this is a big step as I have not really listened to much music since Tristan passed away as my heart is always feeling so weak and music just makes me cry, sweet tears, but I still cry. As I got out of the car and my friend and I were literally racing in, we were adamant we would find a seat closer this time, I looked at her and said, "This is so good for me, this is exactly what I needed this weekend". I don't know how else to explain it other than I felt so free! Free from grief, free from sadness and free from the darkness I faced each night as I laid down in bed the first 6 weeks without my little boy in the bassinet next to me. I just felt free, free from all the pressures of life. I was excited, I was happy, I was laughing, I was dressed up and quite honestly, I felt like a real woman again. Not a mommy, not a homeschool teacher, not a taxi driver, not a soccer mom, not a cook, not a maid, not a wife. Trust me, I love being all of those things, but this weekend I needed it to be all about me, I needed to be still and know, I needed to hear what the Lord had for me without any distractions of the every day life. I believe all of my friends, who have lost babies, will completely agree that as moms we try so hard to be strong for our husbands, be strong for our children and we try to shelter our children from the hurt of death so we end up hiding all that we feel inside. But this weekend I didn't have to. I was free to worship alone, free to let the tears of thankfulness, the tears of joy and tears of sadness flow without holding back!

I wish that I could fully explain what Beth's message was about but honestly it's one of those "you just had to be there". If you have a moment, visit Beth Moore's blog by clicking on the link to the right of my entry and watch the entry labeled "Jacksonville Recap". It is a video of the weekend. This is a great video recap, watch and see if you can you feel the presence of the Lord in that place? I have watched the video 3 times and cried each time. You could certainly feel the presence of the Lord this weekend!

Both days Beth taught from Philippians 3:3-21. She broke down every part of these verses in a way I've never heard before. She said that we have to face forward, stop looking in the past, look in front of you because that is where your future is - she is SO right!

These are the verses that are in the forefront of my mind as I come to the end of this incredible weekend:

Philippians 3:12-14

12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.

13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.

14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.


Oh Jesus, thank you for using Beth Moore this weekend to not only reach thousands of women but to touch my heart in a very real way. I ask that you remind every women that was there of the vows of commitment we made as we stood in 2's holding hands with our friends. I also ask that you remind each one of us of this weekend 10 years from now just as Beth challenged us to do. And as the words of Travis' song say, I fall down and worship, leave all that I treasure behind, for a chance to be closer to the one who might, be the one who saved my life.