Special prayer request: The Webb family

As I have mentioned before, when Trayc and I first started out on this Trisomy 18 road in August we felt so alone because we did not know anything about T-18 nor did we know anyone going through this. Since that time the Lord has brought so many sweet Christian girls into my life, via the Internet. A few months ago I met a girl named Ashley, who is pregnant with a precious little girl named Faith Ann, who was also diagnosed with Trisomy 18. I would ask that you please join me in prayer for Ashley, her husband Adam, and their two daughters Brooke and Hannah as they go to the hospital today. Please specifically pray that Faith Ann will be born alive, that her heart rate will remain strong, that she will not be in distress and that Ashley and her family will be able to share some very precious moments with Faith Ann.

******UPDATE*******

Faith Ann was born at 12:12 pm. She weighed 4 lb. 10 oz and is 18 inches long. She is alive and bright-eyed. Please pray for this family as they enjoy precious time with their new little girl.

******UPDATE*******

Faith Ann passed away at 5:32 pm, she is now in the arms of Jesus!!!!! Oh my heart just breaks for this family this evening as I know what they are feeling. Please continue to pray for the Webb family in the days and weeks again. For further information please check their blog "Faith Ann Webb" (their link is located under our family picture: Trisomy 18: Journeys of Love)


James 5:16 says: "Confess your faults to one another and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man (friend) availeth much."

Lazarus, come out!

We have an awesome church and an incredible children's program. Every year, approximately 400, 2nd-5th graders, perform in the Christmas and Summer musical. Tanner tried out and received a main part in 2nd, 3rd and 4th grade. However, he was not able to try out in September for the Christmas musical because the performance was on December 2nd (Tristan's birthday was the next day). Tanner knew he would have to wait until the Summer musical to try out, this is one of the many things he willingly, and with a sweet spirit, gave up for Tristan.

Tryouts for the Summer musical were in March. Tanner has constantly said he REALLY hoped he got a main part, especially because this was his last year - yes, Middle School in August!!!!! I tried to sweetly remind him day-after-day that he may not get a main part and that it would be okay if he didn't. He anxiously awaited for the parts to be passed out and even counted down the days on his calendar.

After church, on March 26th, Tanner ran up and said, "Guess what, I got a part, I'm Lazarus" I said, "That's great Tanner. Is that a main part?" He said, "No, it's the boy's dance routine but it's okay, the song is Lazarus, Come out!, look what the part is, isn't that neat? I'm going to dedicate my part to Tristan!" The scene surrounding his dance routine is from John 11 (Tristan's verse is John 11:4).

The name of the musical was Simon Says - The Rockin' Trial of Simon Peter. The musical began with Simon Peter in the courtroom charged with fraud for preaching that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God and Messiah. He must prove what he says is true or stop preaching. Then, we heard eyewitness testimonies from people who knew Jesus because they were there(Mary, Martha, Samaratian Woman, James and John), and they gave evidence that Jesus is exactly who "Simon Says".


Every musical the kids are given a Devo book, which contains a devotion for each week leading up to the musical. Each devotion title is the name of a song from the musical, once the devotion page is completed the parent's sign their name at the bottom. I was reading over Tanner's answers and wanted to share a portion of what he wrote under Week 1, Day 4: "We're Gonna Prove It!" (his answers are in bold):

Did the men in the Sanhedrin know what Peter and John said was true? Yes. In Acts 4:16-20, what did they order them not to do? Speak or teach at all in His name. How did Peter and John reply? "For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard." They were eyewitness - they saw and heard what Jesus did. It made such a big impact on them, they had to share it! Can you give a testimony about Jesus because you have actually experienced His life changing love? Yes. The testimony in a trial that has the most impact is from someone who experienced it. The same is true for spiritual matters. When God has done something real in your life and you share it, it makes a difference to the people you share it with. Write one thing God has done for you. God gave "56" days to my baby brother Tristan, who the doctors said would not live, they were wrong.

I was wiping tears away as I read the precious words of our 12 yr old - he gets it! He is not angry, he is not bitter, he does not question why, he just loves Jesus enough to trust and believe in His perfect plan! We are so excited Tanner got a part, but more importantly that he loves Jesus, he loves his church and that he loves his little brother, Tristan, so much that he dedicated his part to him.

Tanner (aka Lazarus),
You were great tonight! We are so proud of you - for doing your best, for loving Jesus with all your heart and for loving your brother so much that you dedicated your part to him.
We love you, Mom, Dad & Tayden


John 11:4 says: This sickness is not unto death but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby."

Tristan's award

This is Natalie Emmons, a 17 year old Christian girl from Oregon. On January 29th, just 2 days after Tristan passed away, we received an email from her stating that she found our blog through another Trisomy 18 blog. She had been following Tristan's story and said that our family's testimony had touched her life and that Tristan's life was a miracle as he was in God's perfect plan. Natalie went on to explain that she was writing a speech for the National Right to Life Oratory Contest and was focusing on why abortion was wrong. She wanted to use Tristan's life as an example as to why abortion isn't an option, even if the doctors believe it would save heartache in the end.

Trayc and I talked about it, we prayed about it and then we responded a few days later. We told Natalie that, even in the midst of our present loss and grief, we would feel honored that she use our little boy's life and name to explain why abortion is wrong. Natalie wrote her speech and forwarded it to us for approval - it was incredible!

We received an email in February stating that her essay received 1st place in her local county contest and that she would be promoted to the state contest. We received an email in April stating that her essay received 1st place in the Oregon State contest which promoted her to the National Right to Life contest to be held on July 5th in Arlington, VA.

We are thankful for young people, like Natalie, who believe in life regardless of the diagnosis and we feel so honored that she chose our little boy's 56 DAYS to be used as an example.

Congratulations Natalie, we are so proud of you!

***Natalie and her 3 sisters have a Bluegrass Gospel band, check out their website at www.TheEmmonsSisters.com

Mother's Day

Today is my 12th "Mother's Day" as Tanner's mommy, my 3rd "Mother's Day" as Tayden's mommy,


and today would have been my 1st "Mother's day" as Tristan's mommy. Even though he is not here, I will ALWAYS be his mommy.


I'll be honest, I really did not expect this weekend to be as hard as it has been. Trayc was off work on Friday so we were able to spend 3 days together as a family. We were all really excited and had lots of things planned. Friday was great and Saturday started out that way. We went to Tanner's soccer game and then spent the afternoon shopping - this is where it all changed. As we pulled into the same parking lot and walked through the same store, where we had our Santa pictures taken with Tristan, I was doing my best to fight back the tears as we went to several stores. I was ready to get back in the car and get to the next mall just because of all the memories I was recalling, having just been there 4 1/2 months ago. We went to another mall and it only got worse. I think everyone who could have possibly had a "new" baby was out! They were everywhere - in strollers, in carriers, in body slings, happy mommies with new babies! I can handle anything BUT the newborn cry, that's just too much! We were in one store and a baby started crying. Tanner looked at me and said, "Do you hear that baby?" How could I not, it was one of those new baby cries, so I just squeezed his hand and said, "It's okay honey" and smiled. Then he said, "That makes me think of Tristan" and he looked so sad. I said, "You know what, let's get out of here", he looked up at me and smiled. I was secretly holding it together ALL DAY (for Tanner's sake), and did so until we sat down at Ruby Tuesday's to eat dinner. We were talking about what we were going to eat and then all of a sudden - a newborn baby cries out. I literally swallowed, looked away and then held the menu up in front of my face. The baby kept crying and Trayc said "Are you okay?" As I slowly pulled the menu down I said, "I'm fine" Obviously I wasn't, tears were flowing so fast. He said, "Let's go!" I said, "No, I'm fine", He said, "You're not and I'm not, I can't do this either!" So we got up and Trayc quietly told the hostess at the front that we needed to leave. I was so embarrassed but at the same time I had to get out of there, I did not feel like I could even breathe as we sat there hearing that baby cry. We left the restaurant, got in the car and went to the drive-thru at Chick-Fil-A. All the way home from the mall I kept debating back and forth, with myself, as to whether I should even attempt to make it to church this morning but I knew I needed to.

This morning was emotional again! I laid in bed, while Trayc took a shower, and just cried! I so much wanted to walk into a nursery painted with soft blue walls, reach down and pick up my precious little boy out of the same Cherry crib that once held Tanner and Tayden. Tristan would have be 5 months old as we celebrated our 1st Mother's Day together, today. It was even harder only dressing 2 boys in matching outfits instead of 3 and opening 2 cards and gifts instead of 3. We didn't make it to Sunday School but we did make it to church. This weekend was hard but it was soooo comforting to stand beside Tanner, at church, with my arm around him singing and worshiping the Lord. Having children has not come easy for us, so I have never take my boys for granted but today I was especially thankful for Tanner and Tayden. After church we went to lunch and then back home so the boys could give me their cards and presents. We love to celebrate holidays and events and although the past few days have been hard, today was no exception in their little minds, they had been waiting all week just for today!

Grieving is strange sometimes. I had just mentioned to Trayc, the other night, that I was concerned that maybe I am in denial because I'm really doing better than I thought I would only 3 1/2 months after losing Tristan - we're moving forward in our family life, we are starting the foundation, we are helping other couples and the tears don't seem to come anymore. Well, if I ever questioned it before, I don't now - I AM NOT in denial about losing our little boy! I am still grieving, but I just have such a peace about our time with Tristan that I been fortunate enough to have experienced a lot of really good days, even though this was not one of them. I don't ever spend my days looking back because we were so blessed, we were given 56 DAYS, but on days like today it brings a lot of "what if's" or "what would've been" to mind which makes me really miss my little boy!

This past month I have read several articles on the Internet and in magazines that say Mother's Day is a very hard day for moms who have lost babies, I can certainly relate this year. Here is a quote from the Trisomy 18 Foundation:

A web-based survey asking grieving mothers, "What can others say, do or give that would bring you comfort on Mother's Day?". Over 80 percent of the nearly 100 respondents answered, "Recognize that I am a mother" to the question. In addition, nearly every mother surveyed wanted their loss to be remembered with a card, a phone call, a gift or a hug. Over half of the mothers surveyed considered Mother's Day to be their most difficult holiday.

I think, too often, family and friends believe that if you have other children it fills the void of your precious baby not being here - it does not!!!! Yes, it does help to have other children to love and celebrate with, but it in no way takes away the pain/loss you feel. If you know someone that has lost a baby, please let them know you are thinking about them and their precious baby today. How sweet it would be to be remembered on this day!

Thank you so much to everyone who has already emailed, commented or texted me today - it means so much on this very difficult day!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to
Angie, Kenzie, Kim, Emily, Kristy and Chrissy

Proverbs 31:28-31

28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her;

29 Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.

30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise here in the gates.

Gift for me?

Going to the mailbox is not the same as it used to be. For months we have been abundantly blessed by the amount of "Congratulations", "Thinking of You" or "Sympathy" cards received on behalf of our little boy. However, now that Tristan has been gone for almost 4 months, the cards have slowly stopped and now our box is filled with the normal stuff like bills, junk mail, letters with Tristan's name on the front from doctor's offices, lab companies and insurance companies and the worst of all, the letter from the funeral home that contained Tristan's death certificate (this was the hard one!). Obviously this is going to happen over time, people go on with their lives as they are supposed to, but as grieving mommies we tend to feel forgotten after having been showered with so much love and encouragement - as I have read from so many girls on their own blogs.

But last week, oh last week was different. Trayc walked in the door with several cards and an envelope, one of those that had bubbles inside, which meant it was more than just a card. It was something special - a gift for me? Maybe, just maybe someone hasn't forgotten that I am here, that I am a mommy who is still grieving the loss of her little boy and that although I smile and laugh, there are days that can be harder than others and that is when I need to be lifted up, and this was certainly one of those days! I was right, it was for me and I was so excited. As I quickly opened the envelope and reached inside I pulled out a soft little green bag. Inside the bag was a handwritten note from Kenzie along with this beautiful silver bracelet that has Jeremiah 29:11 etched around it: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I literally had tears streaming down my face. This is so special to me. Not only is it from one of my best friends but this verse has also become our family verse as we continue to move forward after the loss of our precious little boy.

Thank you so much Kenzie, you made my day! Every time I wear it I will think of you, of our sweet friendship and this journey we have traveled together. I love you sweet friend!

200,000

Last night at 9:30 pm our blog received the 200,000th hit.

Last Fall, after much prayer, we took my personal journal and created this blog. What started out as a way to simply keep our family and church friends updated on our pregnancy, after receiving a Trisomy 18 diagnosis, turned into much more than we ever imagined. We are absolutely amazed and humbled at how the Lord has used the precious life of our little boy to touch the lives of thousands of people around the world.

This blog is about the life and miracles that our Heavenly Father bestowed upon our family from the moment our little boy was conceived in March 2007 through all 56 DAYS of his life. The blog has been a way for Trayc and I to share our thoughts, our fears, our hopes and our dreams. In return, it became one of our greatest sources of strength and encouragement as you, the blogging world, have reached out to us through comments and emails. This blog also allowed me to form many friendships, 4 of which have become my very best friends, that have carried me through some of the hardest days of my life. How does all of this happen over the Internet? Simply, the Lord. He knew we would need this kind of support while on this Trisomy 18 road, therefore He went before us and prepared our way so that every step would be filled with love, support, encouragement and newfound friendships. Now, we want to use our blog (and foundation, when finished) as a way to reach other couples that are or will be traveling the same Trisomy 18 road and give them the same kind of support we have received.

Thank you to each person that has been a part of our story, whether you were the 1st or the 200,000th hit - we are truly humbled. We hope that our blog has reflected the love we have for each other, the love and trust we have in the Lord and that our little boy's 56 DAYS of life gives hope and encouragement to those who have received a Trisomy 18 diagnosis. Our little boy, Tristan Asher Hostetter, has forever changed us.


Psalms 40:1-5

1 I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.

2 He also brought me up out
of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.

3 He has put a new song in
my mouth -
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the Lord.

4 Blessed is that man who
makes the Lord his trust,
And does not respect the
proud, nor such as turn
aside to lies.

5 Many, O Lord my God, are
Your wonderful works
Which You have done;
And Your thoughts which
are toward us
Cannot be recounted to
You in order;
If I would declare and
speak of them,
They are more than can be
numbered.

God is there: In the storms of life

This is the fifth Sunday our pastor preached in his series entitled "Shipwrecked: What do you do when life's toughest storms threaten to destroy you?" This morning his sermon was in Acts 28:11-15 and this evening he continued with verses 16-23. The messages over the last 5 weeks have been so incredible, they have truly motivated Trayc and I each week as we attempt to move through this storm in our lives and minister to others.

Paul's storms were not your ordinary problems, he suffered through real problems. He had been arrested and thrown in prison, he had been snake bitten and shipwrecked. The Apostle Paul had been in the storm and was casted away for 3 months. If someone would have asked Paul "Where is your God now?" do you know what he would have said? Paul would've said "He's right here next to me". Paul knew through the storms of life that God would show his presence, that He had a plan and that He had a purpose. In Acts 27:23 Paul said "For there stood by me this night an angel of the God to whom I belong and who I serve". Why did he say that? Because he knew God was present, he was right beside him. Paul also knew God had a plan because his heart and life belonged to Him. Why did God allow these unusual storms to come Paul's way? Because He had a plan, he wanted to use Paul to reach others through the storms of his own life and to use it for ministry. And although Paul did not know, nor do we, what the purpose is, we can trust that because the Lord has allowed the storm, He will be right there beside us carrying us through.

Dr. Brunson was saying that like Paul, we need to reach out and minister to others. He was saying that with a church our size, there are so many opportunities to reach out so we should find a place and minister. So many times we as Christians have the tendency to just sit back and let everyone else do the ministering and yet we are the first to get jealous when we are not asked to be used. Our pastor responded by saying that specific people are being used because they want to be used, they want to minister, they are not just sitting on the couch whining about not being used! He said we have to make a step toward ministry instead of waiting for someone to ask us and that we need to do this even in the midst of our own storms.

Each week these messages give us a desire to be more like the Apostle Paul. It's like the pastor was saying, these were no ordinary storms, these were serious! I am sure Paul must have been frightened, scared, discouraged and stressed out at times but regardless of the storm he thanked God and took courage. We felt the presence of God in our pregnancy - it was very real and we know God had a plan and purpose for our little boy's life. Although we do not know the plan or the purpose right now, we cannot just sit back, we cannot just be quiet. We must thank the Lord, we must take courage, we must step out and we must minister because we KNOW THAT WE ARE BEING CALLED to minister to other hurting families even in the midst of our storm. So, how could we walk away from the calling of the Lord? We cannot. We have had several people ask if we felt like we could reach out to others this soon after our loss, afraid that we have not grieved long enough. I often think to myself, is there really a timeline for grief? I really don't think so. Some days are great and some days are simply filled with sadness but we cannot wait until the pain and grief of our storm is gone. Honestly it's never going to be gone, not this side of Heaven. But oh the moment we step over into glory and see not only the face of our Savior, but the precious face of our little boy that I held for 56 DAYS, then and only then will the true pain and grief we are feeling be gone! (I am sure there are lots of sweet mommies agreeing with me here!) So until then, we can either choose to quietly live day-by-day remembering our little boy or we can step up, reach out and minister to other hurting families through our little boy's story. WE CHOOSE TO MINISTER!

I would ask that you please pray for our family as we continue to heal from our loss and I would ask that you please pray for Trayc and I as we are being led to several local families that have either just delivered a Trisomy 18 baby or who are pregnant. Pray that the Lord will give us an incredible amount of strength to help these families with the right words of encouragement. We cannot take their pain away but we can be an emotional support for them, we can listen, we can tell our story and we can give them ways to make the most of their time by "living in the moment".

Acts 28:15 says: "And from there, when the brethren heard about us, they came to meet us as far as Appii Forum and Three Inns. When Paul saw them, he thanked God and took courage."

Philippians 1:12-13 says: "But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel, so that it has become evident to all the rest, that my chains are in Christ;"

Peace: In the storms of life

Today is not only a Sunday but it is also the 27th. Sundays are always hard as it is a reminder each week that this is the day Tristan passed away and the 27th, well Sunday, January 27th is a day that will forever be etched in my mind. It's hard to believe that our precious little boy passed away 3 months ago. After Tristan passed away, we sat on the couch and I held him up against my chest for 6 hours. I tried to memorize every one of his little features, his touch, his smell and the feel of his little face against mine. Every part of my heart cries out for my little boy and I am longing for all of those moments again!!!! I just simply long to be "Tristan's mommy". I know there will always be a part of me that grieves for my little boy, one that is empty and one that no one can fill, however I am so grateful for Tanner and Tayden. They have truly been a healing for me. Although they will never replace Tristan, they are what gets me up every day to LIVE LIFE and they definitely keep me laughing, having fun and making memories which is great because there are days like today that I could have easily stayed home from church, pulled the covers up over my head and drowned in my sorrow as I thought about this day, exactly 3 months ago.

The days are so busy with finishing up the last few weeks of home school (even with Tanner not doing school Dec/Jan we're going to finish in record time!), soccer, piano, church activities and family functions - it's all back to normal. And the nights, which I have struggled with since the night Tristan passed away, they are 100% better. As we sat at the dinner table the other night with only one light on and just a quiet family conversation, I thought of how drastically I tried to fill the silence and void of Tristan's presence over the last 3 months and yet now have made our way back to the normal. I no longer sleep with the light on, I no longer cry myself to sleep, I no longer make Trayc wait until the sun comes up to go to work, I no longer insist on the TV being on during dinner - just so there's a lot of noise, I no longer keep every light on in the house so that when we return home it is bright and I no longer cry as we pass the hospital on Sundays. The darkness and quietness of our house was by far the hardest to overcome and at times I honestly did not know if I would ever feel the same way about our house. In fact, numerous times I told Trayc that we might have to move because I just didn't think I could live in the house with all of the memories of Tristan just constantly hitting me all day, every day. Obviously we cannot move, we moved into this new house a mere 7 months ago, but emotionally that is how I was feeling. I have come to see how this thing called "grieving" can be so different for everyone and it can be on so many different levels. But now, as time has slowly passed by, the pain of his absence has lessened a little which has allowed be to now be SO thankful for the memories we made with Tristan here in our home, every room was touched by his physical presence so now I want pictures everywhere I look. The refrigerator, the picture frames, the car dashboard, the dresser mirror, my Daytimer and we have just about finished the Tristan Asher wall, pictures of that will be coming soon! I am so grateful for the days we shared with Tristan. I have never taken for granted that the Lord blessed us with so much more than we ever prayed for. I still spend so much of my prayer time just thanking the Lord over and over for the 56 DAYS He blessed us with. Those days we were given will be used to encourage other girls along this Trisomy 18 road.

Even though Sundays are hard, it does help that we go to church in the morning and at night. It's great to worship in the house of the Lord being surrounded by our family and friends. This is the fourth Sunday our pastor preached in his series entitled "Shipwrecked: What do you do when life's toughest storms threaten to destroy you?" Today he continued in Acts 28 with verses 1-9. I just love these messages, they are exactly what we need right now because they are such an encouragement during this storm in our life. Dr. Brunson reminded us that everyone goes through storms regardless of who they are, no one is exempt because we live in a fallen world. The Apostle Paul was in a storm for 2 weeks. Paul faced the storm with peace, a peace that only comes from the Lord. Our pastor was saying as Christians we can act in faith in three ways: 1) Our lives should reflect an inner peace rather than one of turmoil, 2) Our lives should exhibit a consistent witness rather than that of constant confusion and 3) Our lives should express a heart for ministry rather than an apathetic resignation.

We can reflect that inner peace because of WHO our Father is. He is the one who gives a peace that is not of this world. If we do not have this peace then we have the tendency to focus on the storm which causes us to display the chaos around us therefore others will keep their distance because they do not need any additional stress which in turn causes us to become ineffective in ministry and certainly unable the encourage others. We need to use the storm we are in as a platform to rescue the lives of others instead of sitting back expecting others to rescue and comfort us.

Trayc and I have attended the same church our entire lives. Our church is considered one of those "mega-Baptist churches", therefore we not only have a large congregation but we also have many incredible ministries and forms of outreach. As most long time church members do, we got used to going to church 3x's a week and just sitting, sitting and expecting to be ministered to instead of stepping up and being the ones who actually minister. We were a part of the choir for 18 years but other than that we have never mentally and physically reached out to help someone in need. Our precious little boy changed us! The 56 DAYS we shared with him had a huge impact on us individually and it gave us a desire to reach out and minister to others. Without us even being aware we have been recalibrated, compelled to reach out to other families that have and will suffer the same heartache of losing a child. We want others to know we are here - we are here to walk this road with them every day. The Lord is using Tristan's story in some of the most incredible ways and we are so grateful! We did not chose this storm but we feel so honored that the Lord trusted us to be Tristan's parents knowing we would honor and glorify His name and that we would reach out to others in the midst of the most difficult storm of our lives.

We ask that you please continue to pray for us as we heal as a family, some moments like today are harder than others. Pray for us to patiently wait for the Lord to open the right doors regarding "The Tristan Asher Foundation" and the development of the website. Pray that we will have the right words to comfort and encourage the hurting families that the Lord will place in front of us through Tristan's life.


John 14:27 says: "Peace I give you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Philipians 4:7 says: "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Encouraging others: In the storms of life

This is the third Sunday our pastor preached in his series entitled "Shipwrecked: What do you do when life's toughest storms threaten to destroy you?" And, as I have mentioned the last few weeks, all of these messages apply to where we are in our lives. Today he continued in Acts 27 with verses 27-44. The Apostle Paul was caught up in this particular storm for 2 weeks. His boat kept being pulled around and around and around, he could not get out of the cycle of the storm. Paul did not create the storm he was caught up in nor did he fear the storm because he was a man of faith NOT fear. Our pastor was saying that everyone has storms in life - you're either in one now, you're heading out of one or you're headed into one! So, he asked "What happens to your faith when you're in a storm and your life is on the rocks?". That certainly is a powerful question to ask because you truly find out what your faith is when you're in a storm don't you? So many people try to run away from their problems therefore we are creating a generation of children who run away instead of facing them with faith believing that God holds everything in His hand. Our pastor was also saying that the storms of life can also cause us fear which in turn causes us to become focused on the negative instead of the positive, what we need to do when we're in a storm of our own is encourage others. We should encourage others with a positive word and lead by our example. Wow, can you imagine how great it would be if we encouraged others while we were in the midst of a storm? Paul decided that he was going to encourage others even in the midst of his own storm and by doing so the people on the boat were encouraged!

We have been encouraged by so many people, locally and Internet, since August. This journey started out full of emotions and scared about the uncertainty that lied ahead. But oh, that didn't last long. As I've said before, what was simply a blog to inform our family and friends of our journey quickly became the greatest (daily) source of encouragement. Little did we know all of the love, the support and the encouragement we would receive during the most difficult months of our lives. And, as I received encouragement from other moms facing the same storm I became stronger and was able to return the same encouragement to them and then I just kept reaching out to more and more girls to encourage them. These same moms, who walked this journey together, are still encouraging each other day-after-day as we face the very difficult days of grieving. Trayc and I desire to be like Paul and encourage others while we are in this storm of life. I am trying to do this by emailing all of my Internet friends who are grieving, Trayc and I are creating "The Tristan Asher Foundation" which will be an online support center to reach out to other families who have received a Trisomy 18 diagnosis and give them hope and encouragement and we have told our pastor and other staff members that we would like to help encourage and support other families, that come into our church, who receive a Trisomy 18 diagnosis or any other kind of genetic disorder. Our pastor already gave our name to one girl in our church and I was able to talk to her about our baby and hopefully was an encouragement to her.

I was thinking about the first Trisomy 18 family I found on the Internet, The Mooneys (I did a post on Sept 4th). They created a very touching video called "99 Balloons" (which can be seen by clicking on their link under our family picture). As most of you know, it is the story of Eliot Mooney. Until I found Eliot's video I just thought of our little boy as dying and never thought about the possibility of him living, as doctors give you NO hope of them even being born alive per statistics. And yet, here was this precious little boy, Eliot, who amazed everyone and lived 99 DAYS. To us that seemed like a long time. We watched as his parents celebrated every day of his life to the fullest and with great excitement. I was so encouraged and wanted to be like that! It gave me hope that our precious little boy could live that long too - Tristan didn't make it to 99 but he certainly made it to 56 DAYS. I know Eliot's story has touch thousands of lives around the world and brought hope and encouragement to many girls who were given a Trisomy 18 diagnosis. Can you imagine had Eliot's parents not lived his life to the fullest? If they had not videoed his life every day for 99 DAYS? If they had not shared his story, via the Internet, with the world? I am so glad they ministered/encouraged others, through their blog/video, in the midst of their storm.

Who can you encourage this week? Is there a mommy who is pregnant with a baby that has a genetic disorder that needs a word of encouragement left on her blog? Is there a mommy who is fortunately still counting the days their precious little baby is alive that needs a word of encouragement left on her blog? Is there a mommy who is approaching "the date" their baby was born or passed away that could use a word of encouragement left on their blog? Is there an email you could send to a friend that is going through a storm in their life? Is there a meal you could take to a family in need? Is there someone that could use a hug today? Or is there someone you could pray for today followed up by a card letting them know you were thinking of them? Try to think of something you could do to help encourage someone this week because one day you, too, will be in the midst of a storm and the encouragement will be returned tenfold.

We greatly appreciate every person who took the time to encourage us these past few months. Our encouragement was felt through comments on our blog, cards, emails, phone calls, meals and just the simple hug.

We ask that you continue to pray for our family this week as we approach the 3 month mark of Tristan passing away. We would specifically ask that you pray for us next Sunday as it is not only a Sunday, which is extremely hard, but it is also the 27th therefore it is a reminder that our little boy is no longer here. Although we are doing good, we still miss our little boy so much.


Acts 27:33-36 says: "And as day was about to dawn, Paul imploded(urged) them all to take food saying, Today is the fourteenth day you have waited and continued without food, and eaten nothing. Therefore I urge you to take nourishment, for this is for your survival, since not a hair will fall from the head of any of you. And when he had said these things, he took bread and gave thanks to God in the presence of them all; and when he had broken it he began to eat. Then they were all encouraged, and also took food themselves."

Ministering to others: In the storms of life

This is the second Sunday our pastor preached in his series entitled "Shipwrecked: What do you do when life's toughest storms threaten to destroy you?" As I mentioned last Sunday, all of the messages seem to apply to where we are in our lives. Today he continued in Acts 27 with verses 9-15 this morning and verses 16-25 this evening. The Apostle Paul did not create the storm he was caught in but what he did do was use the storm in his life to minister to others. Our pastor was saying that so many people run from God, run from the church and run from God's people when they are in the midst of a storm. When what we should be doing is running to God, to the church and to God's people where we can be ministered to. He was also saying that God does not waste any experience He allows us to go through. We are to take our storms and use them to minister to others. Have you been through a storm in life and used it to help others? If not, I urge you to think about how you could reach out and help someone today. There are so many hurting people all around us but we have to be willing to reach out.

The day we found out about the Trisomy 18 diagnosis we turned to the Internet to find resources and support because of the rareness of this disorder. What we found on the other end was a sweet Christian girl, in Memphis Tennessee, going through the same storm. She could have turned away, she could have ignored my email, she could have simply responded by saying she'd pray for me and that be it. Thankfully she did not. What she did was return my email immediately, pray for me daily and email me daily. She encouraged me, she loved me, she supported me all at the same time she was in the midst of her own Trisomy 18 storm. Because she reached out a sweet friendship was formed and we were able to travel the storm together, all the way to the end. And although the storm might be over, the journey is not. Now, we are traveling a journey together by encouraging each other, praying for each other and watching the Lord use our precious babies to reach others. That is truly what ministering is all about. (Thank you sweet Angie!)

Because the Internet has been such a great source of support and encouragement through this storm, as I continued to develop many new friendships (Kenzie, Kim, Emily, Kristy & Chrissy), our desire since August has been to use our storm to minister to others through the Internet. As mentioned a few months ago, we have earnestly prayed for months and feel the Lord calling us to create a foundation on behalf of our precious little boy, Tristan. The foundation will be called "The Tristan Asher Foundation". It's main purpose will be an online support center for girls to come to when they are awaiting possible Trisomy 18 results or if they have received a Trisomy 18 diagnosis and we walk this road with them. We want to reach out to couples locally and around the world. We want to use the 56 days the Lord blessed our family with to bring hope, encouragement and support to girls who receive NO HOPE when given a diagnosis of Trisomy 18 as it is labeled by doctors as "incompatible with life".

We have just about finished the foundation paperwork and are currently working with a designer regarding the website and logo. The foundation is slowly coming together and we have set a goal for July 1st and are hoping to meet that deadline. In the meantime, if you are reading this blog and know of a family who has received a Trisomy 18 diagnosis or is currently caring for a new Trisomy 18 baby and needs emotional support, please give them our blog address and let them know they can contact us directly through our blog until our foundation website is set-up.

We would also ask that you please pray for us daily as we are establishing this foundation. It is our ministry that was developed through the greatest storm of our life and yet it was the sweetest of all - 56 days with our little boy, Tristan Asher Hostetter!

Sisters in Christ: In the storms of life

This morning our pastor began a new series, for the month of April, entitled "Shipwrecked: What do you do when life's toughest storms threaten to destroy you?" Did I not just mention a few weeks back that all of our pastors messages seem to apply to where we are in our lives? His message came from Acts 27:1-8. If anyone in the Bible knows the storms of life it was the Apostle Paul. He did not just have a storm for the day, he endured storm after storm for 2 years. Anybody feel like this????

There have been times in our 17 1/2 years of marriage that we, too, have felt as though the storms of life never seemed to end, they just came one after another! Whether the storm came in the way of Trayc's numerous job losses due to company layoffs, lack of finances, debt, years of infertility, marital troubles, shattered long-term friendships, vehicle problems, etc. they just seem to have come our way. But the Lord never says there won't be storms does He? What He does promise is that He will carry us every step of the way. The last 6 years have been different though. I guess you could say we feel like we have been on a new course with few storms - Trayc has had a secure job working side-by-side with his brother for 12 years, no more debt, no marital troubles, a new home, new friendships, pregnant with Tayden and Tristan without invitro and hopefully a new truck in the next few months.

But doesn't it seem like just when life is good that the storms of life hit again? It did for us. This time the storm came in the form of a Trisomy 18 diagnosis of our precious little boy, Tristan. We were certainly not expecting that kind of storm, especially one that we did not self-inflict like many of our other storms. This was, by far, the hardest storm we've ever endured. How do you go through a pregnancy knowing you won't have much time with your baby? How to you go on feeling like all of your hopes and dreams for your precious little boy have been shattered? How can you be excited about your big belly? How do you get excited about buying maternity clothes? How do you not buy baby clothes and diapers? How do you not prepare a nursery? How do you plan for the birth and funeral all in the same week? Only by the grace of God, let me assure you. I would NEVER have believed we could face the storm that was before us in August. And yet we did, we made it through. We faced each day from August 15th until December 3rd not knowing what lied ahead. The Lord richly blessed our family with so much more than we ever prayed for - not 1 day but 56 days, what more could we have asked for? Our God is so good. Are we completely through this storm? No, we are not, it's only been 2 months since our little boy left our arms but the Lord has given us an incredible amount of strength and a peace that only He can provide. We are taking it one day at a time.

Our pastor also spoke about the Lord sending friends to Paul during the storms of his life to surround him, to encourage him, to love him and support him. He said as a church that is what we are to be, brothers and sisters in Christ that surround our fellow believers in the time of a storm. Okay, at this point in the message I could have stood up and given a testimony!!!!! Let me tell you, the Lord has certainly done this for us while on this T-18 journey. There have been so many "Sisters in Christ" that have come along side us, who have encouraged us, who have loved us and supported us. It has made for such a sweet journey during the hardest storm of our lives. You know who you are:

You are my 1st three "Internet" friends (Angie, Kenzie and Kim).............who traveled our pregnancy's together, that laughed with me, cried with me, personally email me day after day, leave comments on our blog, stood by us for 56 days, posted entries on your blog on our behalf, lifted me up during our loss in the midst of your own loss, grieved with me, who are learning to live this new kind of normal, who are looking forward to seeing what the Lord has for all of our lives and are who are continuing to be my sweet, precious Christian friends - I love you all!!!!

You are my newest "Internet" friends (Emily, Chrissy, Kristy, Connie and Cathy)......................who traveled the 56 days with us, who gave us lots of medical advice while Tristan was with us, that laughed with me, cried with me, personally email me, leave comments on our blog, posted entries on your blog on our behalf, who lifted me up during our loss and are who are continuing to be my sweet friends - I love each one of you too!!!!

You are the high-risk nurse......................who saw me devastated and crying on August 15th (right after we found out about the T-18 diagnosis) standing at the check-out desk that came up and wrapped your arms around me and told me it was going to be okay and that you'd walk this road with us

You are the doctor's office nurses.......................who cried with me, calmed my hurting heart every visit from August to December, who were excited every week we'd call and say that Tristan had made it another week and now the ones who make sure I don't have to wait in a waiting room filled with new mommies/babies

You are the sonogram technician...............who performed our sonogram every 2 weeks and encouraged us regardless of Tristan's diagnosis and growth

You are the hospital nurses................................who rejoiced at Tristan's birth, that prayed with him every day, that cried with me every day, that prayed with me every day and that attended Tristan's 1 month birthday party in Room 336

You are Internet bloggers........................... who have linked Tristan's blog to your own

You are Internet friends...........who have prayed for us, emailed us, celebrated with us, been sad with us, linked us to your blog and who donated to our church on Tristan's behalf

You are the faithful blog commenter's.....................who daily leave words of support and encouragement

You are our new neighbors.......................who followed our story, who loved us, who rejoiced when we pulled up in the driveway on December 7th with our little boy

You are in our Sunday School class.......................who prepared meals for 4 weeks, who donated to the collection of meal gift cards, who hug us each week and say that you're glad we're back and that you're praying for us

You are the friends from my past...........who have reached out and contacted us again through emails and cards

You are the new church friends.......................who have reached out to us after hearing our testimony at church on November 4th, who brought meals, who emailed, who visited and who sent cards

You are church members (we do not personally know)........ who stop us and say "we're praying for you" or "we're glad your back"

You are my parent's friends'............................who put us on your class prayer list, who have sent emails, who have sent cards, who have sent flowers, who have provided meals and who made donations to our church on Tristan's behalf

You are every person we have come in contact with personally or via the Internet .............................who has loved, encouraged or supported us

Thank you to every person who has taken the time to love us while on this journey! We ask that you continue to remember our family in prayer as this journey is not over. Like I mentioned above, it was only 2 months ago that we lost our little boy so although we are doing better than we were on January 27th, we still need your prayers, your love, your support and your encouragement as we continue to move forward. We shared back in February, that the Lord had laid it on our hearts to start a foundation in honor of our little boy therefore we have been diligently working on that over the last 2 months. It is a lengthy process between the legal paperwork, the building of our website, making contacts for supporters in the community but we know it will be worth it if we can encourage just one girl that will eventually be walking this same road. I know what it meant for me to have Angie reach out and walk this road with me and then to meet Kenzie and Kim shortly thereafter so in return I want to be that same kind of friend to other girls. We are hoping to have it ready by July 1st so please be praying for this process. The Lord has also laid some other desires on our hearts and we look forward to sharing those with you in the near future.

Acts 27:1-8 says: "And when it was determined that we should sail unto Italy, they delivered Paul and certain other prisoners unto one named Julius, a centurion of Augustus' band. And entering into a ship of Aramyttium, we launched, meaning to sail by the coasts of Asia; one Aristarchus, a Macedonian of Thessalonica, being with us. And the next day we touched at Sidon. And Julius courteously entreated Paul, and gave him liberty to go unto his friends to refresh himself. And when we had launched from thence, we sailed under Cyprus, because the winds were contrary. And when we had sailed over the sea of Cilicia and Pamphylia, we came to Myra, a city of Lycia. And there the centurion found a ship of Alexandria sailing into Italy; and he put us therein. And when we had sailed slowly many days, and scarce were come over against Cnidus, the wind not suffering us, we sailed under Crete, over against Salmone; And, hardly passing it, came unto a place which is called The fair havens; nigh whereunto was the city of Lasea."

A "Beth Moore" Weekend

I have had the most incredible weekend! Girls, if you've never attended a Beth Moore conference I encourage you to find one in a city near you and GO, I promise you will leave feeling renewed, on fire for the Lord and seeking to do the Lord's work with a great passion!!!! These are pictures from our weekend. 15,000 woman assembled in one place, all to worship the Lord and learn how to be a godly Christian women.






Back in December, Trayc had mentioned Beth was coming in March but I did not even consider it because our days were so uncertain with Tristan. After Tristan passed away, Trayc again mentioned that the BM conference was in March and that he'd really like for me to go. I told him that I didn't really want to be away from him. Trayc has been my security since receiving Tristan's diagnosis in August so I am okay as long as I'm with him but I begin to feel so emotionally weak and feel like the weight of my loss is upon me when I'm not with him. Trayc went online to make sure there were still tickets available and said that I still had some time to think about it and that he really wanted me to go. Trayc has been to several Promise Keepers events over the years so he knew I'd have the same experience he did. I thought about it for several weeks and as I have slowly felt more emotionally stable, my days are good and my nights are so much better (huge answer to prayer!), I told him I thought I could do it. He assured me that if I didn't feel strong enough that he'd go with me - what a great husband, willing to go to a women's conference! I prayed about who I'd like to ask to go with me and there was only one friend whose name immediately came to mind, as she has walked this road with me every day since August. I called and asked if she'd like to go and she said she'd love to. She had never been to a BM conference either and she was going through some things in her own life that she needed some direction in also. So we bought our tickets 3 weeks ago and have been anxiously awaiting the conference!

I headed out Friday night, by myself, for the one hour drive. I passed by the hospital and decided to just start thanking the Lord for every part of Tristan's life instead of crying, then I passed by a cemetery (not Tristan's, but every cemetery is now a reminder) and kept trying to be thankful and just as I was pulling into the restaurant, to meet my friend for dinner, I looked across the street only to see Tristan's cardiologist office. Although a part of me was really beginning to feel overwhelmed after the hospital, the cemetery and now the cardiologist office and my heart was saying go back home, it's too soon to do this, I stopped and thought to myself "No, I'm not going to cry, I'm not going back home, I'm going to be okay and I am not going to let Satan use things to distract me from what the Lord has for me this weekend". I sat down at the table and immediately told my friend all that I was feeling and she sweetly assured me that I'd be okay. We had a wonderful dinner and time of sharing and then headed to the conference. We walked in the door 15 minutes after they had opened (45 minutes before it started) and we ended up at the very, very top! Even though we were just about as high as you could get, we could feel the Holy Spirit moving throughout the coliseum in a very real way! We stood there in awe as we looked around at the approximately 15,000 woman assembled in one place, in Downtown Jacksonville, that were there for one purpose, to learn more about having a closer relationship with the Lord - what an amazing site to see! The conference was incredible. The music by Travis Cottrel and the praise team was very worshipful and the message by Beth was phenomenal. She was so inspiring. There were so many things to write down that I could not take notes fast enough! My friend and I left with an excitement and were longing to return the next day.

Saturday started off quite early as I headed out the door at 6:00 am, fortunately there is a brand new Starbucks right off I-95, as I was in much need of some coffee. Being a stay-at-home-mom for 5 years now, 5:00 am is WAY TO EARLY to get out of bed, but it was so worth it. I drove down the road just a singing - this is a big step as I have not really listened to much music since Tristan passed away as my heart is always feeling so weak and music just makes me cry, sweet tears, but I still cry. As I got out of the car and my friend and I were literally racing in, we were adamant we would find a seat closer this time, I looked at her and said, "This is so good for me, this is exactly what I needed this weekend". I don't know how else to explain it other than I felt so free! Free from grief, free from sadness and free from the darkness I faced each night as I laid down in bed the first 6 weeks without my little boy in the bassinet next to me. I just felt free, free from all the pressures of life. I was excited, I was happy, I was laughing, I was dressed up and quite honestly, I felt like a real woman again. Not a mommy, not a homeschool teacher, not a taxi driver, not a soccer mom, not a cook, not a maid, not a wife. Trust me, I love being all of those things, but this weekend I needed it to be all about me, I needed to be still and know, I needed to hear what the Lord had for me without any distractions of the every day life. I believe all of my friends, who have lost babies, will completely agree that as moms we try so hard to be strong for our husbands, be strong for our children and we try to shelter our children from the hurt of death so we end up hiding all that we feel inside. But this weekend I didn't have to. I was free to worship alone, free to let the tears of thankfulness, the tears of joy and tears of sadness flow without holding back!

I wish that I could fully explain what Beth's message was about but honestly it's one of those "you just had to be there". If you have a moment, visit Beth Moore's blog by clicking on the link to the right of my entry and watch the entry labeled "Jacksonville Recap". It is a video of the weekend. This is a great video recap, watch and see if you can you feel the presence of the Lord in that place? I have watched the video 3 times and cried each time. You could certainly feel the presence of the Lord this weekend!

Both days Beth taught from Philippians 3:3-21. She broke down every part of these verses in a way I've never heard before. She said that we have to face forward, stop looking in the past, look in front of you because that is where your future is - she is SO right!

These are the verses that are in the forefront of my mind as I come to the end of this incredible weekend:

Philippians 3:12-14

12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.

13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.

14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.


Oh Jesus, thank you for using Beth Moore this weekend to not only reach thousands of women but to touch my heart in a very real way. I ask that you remind every women that was there of the vows of commitment we made as we stood in 2's holding hands with our friends. I also ask that you remind each one of us of this weekend 10 years from now just as Beth challenged us to do. And as the words of Travis' song say, I fall down and worship, leave all that I treasure behind, for a chance to be closer to the one who might, be the one who saved my life.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Tayden!

Tayden turned 2 yrs old today! I look at my precious little boy in these pictures above and realize how fast time has gone by, he is no longer my baby. He is my sweet, crazy, funny, totally unpredictable 2 year old who is a mommy's boy for sure! He is so different than Tanner was. Tanner was our perfect little boy that we could take anywhere at anytime and was always so proper, people would always stop and say that he acted like a little man and he really did. But Tayden, let's just say we don't get those comments but you know what? It's okay. I will never forget a conversation we had sitting at the kitchen table only 4 days after we found out about Tristan having Trisomy 18 (this is part of the entry dated August 18, 2007):

We had all been sitting on the couch talking and crying and then we went to the kitchen to eat dinner. After we prayed, Tayden, our 1 1/2 yr. old, pulls his shirt over his head so that it is resting behind his head and on his shoulders, then he puts his rubber spoon in his mouth and starts flipping it so that it's hitting his forehead and then he puts both feet on the table and starts laughing. Okay, this is not the typical dinner at our house, he has honestly never done this. Infact, we would have never, ever accepted this kind of behavior when our 11 yr. old was that age because we were so strict about everything and that included table manners. I said, "oh, if Grammy(my mom) could see you now!" we all kind of smiled, and then Tanner, our 11 yr. old, said, "You know what mommy, maybe the reason the Lord waited 10 years to send us Tayden is because He knew we'd all need him right now because he's just so wild and silly!" I said, "Maybe you're right Tanner, maybe Tayden will (without even knowing it) be the one who helps us heal during this difficult time and maybe he will keep us laughing when we really don't want to."

We will never know why we tried 9 years to get pregnant and then 4 days before invitro found out we were pregnant with Tayden, but I do know I am so thankful the Lord sent us Tayden right when he did because HE IS exactly what we have needed this past year. He has helped mend my hurting heart on many a days with his sweet voice of saying, "Mommy" or when he puts both his hands on my face and gives me a sweet kiss or when he stands in the chair behind me and points to Tristan's picture on the blog and says "baby" or when he acts silly by taking off only one sock and one shoe and tossing them over the front seat of the car or when he takes Tanner's stuffed animals and runs down the hallway laughing or when he holds on to my neck so tight that he won't let go. All of these things make me feel special, loved, they make me laugh and that keep me going on the hard days. Tayden will never truly understand all that his little life has gotten our family through this past year!

Trayc worked a half day today, so when I woke up I got Tayden out of bed and went into Tanner's room. Tayden laid down beside Tanner, like he does every morning, and we sang "Happy Birthday". Tayden started laughing and clapping so we sang it again and then one more time, for a total of 3 times. We ate breakfast and had a sweet morning together. Oh this is what I needed today as there were lots of emotions that flooded my heart when I woke up. There was excitement because it was Tayden's birthday, there was the reality of the day being the 27th which meant Tristan had been gone exactly 2 months and there was a sadness felt because Tristan was not here to celebrate his big brother's birthday. We got pregnant the weekend of Tayden's 1st birthday so we were thrilled to FINALLY know that we would have 2 children close in age. Tanner and Tayden are 10 years apart and although you do not see the difference when they play, there IS still the age difference, so Tristan being only 21 months younger than Tayden made us happy! I will forever miss seeing Tristan and Tayden sitting in the floor playing together, sharing each others toys and having a bond like only brothers can. But I am thankful that Tristan lived long enough to bring him home so that I could have pictures of all 3 of my boys together and one day, when Tayden is older, we will be able to show him pictures of Tristan and be able to tell him all about his little brother.

We had Tayden's party tonight. The party theme was Thomas the Train, of course, what else is there right? Tayden's room decor is wall-to-wall with Thomas, he wears Thomas shoes, he wears Thomas clothes, he only watches Thomas movies and he only likes to sit and play at his Thomas train table full of Thomas trains. So, it's Thomas, Thomas, Thomas around here!!!!! We have always celebrated birthdays in a big way because we want that person to feel like it's THEIR day! We usually have between 25-30 people with lots of food and decorations but this year, with having just lost Tristan 8 weeks ago and still trying to get through these first few weeks, I really wanted it to be small and simple. We invited only family and had pizza and cake. It was a sweet night of celebrating Tayden.

Happy Birthday Tayden!

We love you - Daddy, Mommy and Tanner

Happy Easter

As believers we celebrate today, Easter, in remembrance of the Resurrection of Jesus. Our church performed the Passion Play for 3 days last weekend. I believe it was, by far, the best performance our church has ever done. It was performed in such a way that it drew you in, to the point that you felt as though you were there! I've been a part of our church performances in the past and I have also attended other performances but I have never been so touched and received the blessing I did this year. We've all seen the picture of Jesus with the little children on His knee, like in all children's Bibles, and I've seen this scene acted out before but it really meant something this year because my little boy is there - my little boy is in Heaven, my little boy is at the feet of Jesus with all of his little friends. There was a part in the performance where Jesus was holding the dead girl, he lifted her up and he spoke His word and she came alive. He hugged her and then kissed her forehead - somebody pass the Kleenex, our entire family has tears! I was crying and thought to myself, although the Lord did not chose to heal Tristan on this earth, he WAS healed. He was healed on January 27th at 4:40 pm, the moment he left my arms and was in the arms of Jesus. Tanner leaned over and whispered, "Mommy, that's what Tristan and Poppy Joy and Maddox and Mary Grace are doing right now". He had this big smile on his face, oh to have the excitement and faith of a little child.

I also love Easter because it marks the beginning of a new season, the beginning of Spring. There is just something about the crisp smell in the air and the cool morning breeze that is so refreshing! Yesterday morning Trayc asked if I knew how many days it had been since Tristan passed away. I said, "No, why?" He said, "I don't know, the number 56 is Tristan's number so I was just wondering if it had been 56 days since he passed away?" I said, "Why?" He said, "Because that would mean he would have been gone as long as he lived!". I got curious so I went to the calendar and counted it up. Guess how many days it had been? Yes, 56 days exactly! You know, it is so hard to believe that Tristan has already been gone as many days as he lived. Those were the most incredible 56 days of our lives. I have experienced a love like never before, I felt so much love being returned back to me from his little dark brown eyes. How do you feel that when he never uttered a word? Oh there's only one answer - the Lord! He allowed Tristan enough days on this earth to start visually communicating back, through his little eyes and attempting to move his little lips when I would talk to him, so that I, HIS MOMMY, would never forget that feeling!!!! And although I sit here and attempt to type these words through eyes filled with tears and tears quickly rushing down my face, they are sweet tears, they are tears of love because I miss my little boy so much and they are tears of thankfulness that the Lord allowed us so much time. Never experiencing death and grief like this I certainly did not know what to expect and although the emptiness is still felt in my heart and the longing to hold my little boy is still there, our family is doing great! We are living this "new kind of normal" that everyone talks about and we are looking forward to the future with excitement and anticipation trusting in the Lord to carry us each and every day believing He has great plans for us.

We had a busy Saturday beginning with our neighborhood's Easter egg hunt. It was so much fun because Tayden was only a year old last year so he was not walking nor was he into the egg hunt but this year he was so cute. He would run pick up an egg, put it in his basket and get so excited he'd clap his hands together and yell "Yeah!" and then run to the next one - it was a sweet moment as I watched my little boy run around. Tanner found the golden egg so he won a big beach bucket filled with beach stuff so he was excited and then Tanner was helping Tayden open his eggs and eat the candy. Tanner and Tayden have truly made this journey a little easier emotionally because they keep us going and they definitely keep us laughing. We had so much fun spending the rest of the day together shopping, getting haircuts, buying shoes for the boys, getting ready for Easter and dying eggs. Of course, you all know that Tanner had to make one that said, "Tristan 56 days" because he loved his little brother so much!

We woke up early this morning, ate breakfast and looked forward to the boys opening up their baskets but bless his heart, Tayden was so tired he couldn't keep his eyes open so Tanner said "Why don't we just wait until after church" so we did. We went to Sunday School and church. As I sat in church this morning I was thinking about all the ways we have been blessed this year and how thankful I am for so much in my life. How many people are fortunate enough to go to church and sit on the row with their entire family? Probably not many, so many families move away from their childhood home but not us, we're still here and as long as the Lord allows, we always will be. We sit every week on the same row with all of my family. I can't even explain the joy I feel in my heart as I stand on that row knowing we're all there together praising the Lord through worship. On the way home from church I reminded Trayc that this time last year we woke up early to take our 2nd pregnancy test (the 1st one we took the day before had a 2nd line but it was a slight color so Trayc didn't believe it), so Easter morning I took another test and the same thing happened, the 2nd line turned a slight color, but Trayc still didn't believe it so after church we headed to Target to get another one - a name brand test as Trayc insisted that was the problem with the first two tests, we rushed home, took another test and the 2nd line did NOT turn pink so we decided not to tell our family at lunch. But I knew, I just knew we were pregnant and was so excited thinking about the fact that come next Easter we would have another baby. Although there was a sadness this morning as we only dressed 2 of my 3 boys (in matching outfits) and that our family picture only shows our family of 4 instead of our family of 5, I will always remember the excitement we felt this time last year knowing we were pregnant with our third baby, the excitement of making through all 9 months of my pregnancy and that our little boy lived 56 days!

We ate lunch and then Tanner gave me a flower he had made (see top picture) which he had written all 3 of the boys names on it and then he and Tayden opened their baskets. Tayden was so cute trying to open the eggs because he just learned at the egg hunt, yesterday, that there was candy inside and then Tanner helped him open his "Cars" car. He started watching the movie a few weeks ago, yes we are attempting to watch something besides Thomas, Tanner is so tired of ONLY watching Thomas, so now he steals all of Tanner's hot wheels, we knew it was time for him to have a car of his own. We had a real sweet family day!

I would ask that you remember each girl that has lost their precious baby since last Easter. Even though we all know the real meaning of Easter and we are beginning to move forward, I believe there will be an emptiness felt within the hearts of many girls this morning. After all, there is just something about buying one less Easter outfit, buying and filling one less Easter basket and one less person in your family picture that will be a reminder of our losses. I find comfort today knowing that my precious little boy is in the arms of Jesus and surrounded by all of his little friends: Maddox, Poppy Joy, Mary Grace, Miller Grace, Asher "Happy" and his brother Issac, Jonathan, Madeline, Eliot, Joshua, Copeland, Christian, Molly, Riley, Sully and Eva.

Please remember sweet Chrissy, her husband Vinnie and their 2 children Mya and Dominic as they are grieving the loss of precious Eva Janette. She was such a fighter. She lived 5 incredible days, I am so thankful they had time to love and bond with her. Eva went from her mommy's arms to the arms of Jesus at 2:57 am this morning. As her mommy said, "She made it HOME for Easter". Please visit their blog (www.evajanette.blogspot.com) for more information and please be praying for them as they prepare for Eva's celebration of life service on Tuesday.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day with your family!

Happy Easter from our family to yours........
Trayc, Yvette, Tanner and Tayden

Luke 18:15 says: "People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Matthew 28:1-6 says: "After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, Do not be afraid for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay".

Eva Janette is here

Thank you so much to everyone who has been praying for the family of Eva Janette. I just received an email from a friend letting me know that Eva Janette was born at 8:47 am this morning. She weighs 4 lbs 11 oz and is 18 inches long. I was also sent a picture of her and she is beautiful with a lot of hair! Chrissy will be updating their blog (www.evajanette.blogspot.com) as soon as she is able, so keep checking on them. Please continue to pray for Eva as they are closely monitoring her heart in that apnea is one of the many issues Trisomy 18 babies are born with. Also, please pray for Chrissy's healing, for her strength, for her emotions, for her husband Vinnie and for their 2 children Mya and Dominic.

James 5:16 says: "Confess your faults to one another and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man (friend) availeth much."

Heavy heart

I sit here tonight with such a heavy heart for the following 3 families. I would ask that you PLEASE lift them up in prayer in the days ahead:

1. Eva Janette (link is on right side of page): Chrissy is the last of us "T-18 mommies" to have her baby. She is scheduled for 8:30 am on Monday. Please pray for Eva Janette - that she will be born alive, that her heart rate will remain strong and that her family will have lots of time with her. As I am sure you can imagine, Chrissy has been overwhelmed with emotions as she has seen so many babies born and pass away over the last 9 months. Please pray that Chrissy will be able to put all of her fears aside as she heads to the hospital to bring her precious little girl, Eva, into the world. Please pray for her husband, Vinnie. He, too, has walked this very difficult road of emotions with her and realizes she needs so much love and support in the next few days. Please pray for their 2 children(Mya and Dominic), day-after-day they have sat by Chrissy's side checking in on all of the T-18 families so they, too, already feel the loss of so many babies which makes their little hearts so vulnerable to being hurt. Oh, I just want them to be so excited that their little sister has been so very strong and made it to the end and I want them to enjoy every moment they have with her. Please pray for the doctors and nurses that will be assisting them during their hospital stay. Please pray for all of their family members and friends that will be joining them at the hospital.

2. Joshua Mathew Sams (link is on right side of page): Joshua passed away on Saturday (They live in New Zealand which is 17 hours ahead of us. So our Friday is already their Saturday). The Lord blessed his family with so much more time than doctors ever believed was possible - as his mommy said, "he lived 67 days and 7 bonus hours". Please pray for Susie, her husband Matt and their daughter, Oceana, not only are they dealing with the loss of their precious little boy and preparing for his service but Matt has come down with the flu. They really need our prayers!!!

3. Molly Brown (www.caringbridge.org/visit/mollybrown): Molly passed away suddenly last night at 7:30 pm. Molly had been doing so well, therefore this was very unexpected. She had T-18 and lived 19 months, she was considered a long time survivor of this rare disorder. Her dad, Sean, is the Vice President of Development for the Trisomy 18 Foundation which has been such an inspiration to many girls given this kind of diagnosis. Please pray for Erin, Sean and their son, Gavin, as they deal with the loss of their precious little girl and prepare for her service.


Again, my heart is just so heavy tonight knowing all the emotions these families are facing. I had such mixed emotions on December 3rd when we were headed to the hospital. Excited because I knew Tristan was going to be born and that I could finally hold my precious little boy and scared because there was so much uncertain. I know so well the emotions Chrissy is feeling. And then, I also know the reality and sadness the Sams family and Brown family are feeling having just lost their precious babies.

Please visit these 3 sites and leave them a comment letting them know you are praying for them. I know it would mean so much to all of them to be remembered in these very difficult days.

James 5:16 says: "Confess your faults to one another and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man (friend) availeth much."