Day 12 - Tristan loves his paci

Trayc's mom took the "night hours" so we were able to get another good night sleep. Tristan had a great night also. Trayc's mom said that when she has Tristan at night she reads her Bible, prays with him, sings Jesus Loves Me and then prays for the rest of the night. I am so thankful for a Godly Christian Mother-In-Law . She has not only been a HUGE help to us since we came home from the hospital but she has been a constant emotional support for me every day with her love, her words of encouragement and her words to me from scripture she is reading, it has meant so much to me. She was supposed to be leaving on Monday but we have been trying to talk her and Grandma into staying longer. We just keep praying for snow on top of the mountain (in Tennessee) so they'll have no choice but to stay - from the weather report it looks as though it is already happening!!!!! So, hopefully we'll have them at least until next Wednesday or Thursday. Trayc worked all day today so his mom and I took turns taking care of Tristan and she taught me how to do all of the feeding tube stuff. It's about a 6-step process so I'm "in training". Trayc learned all of it at the hospital but because I had such a difficult delivery and 5-day hospital stay I was not able to learn and since we got home last Friday, I have not been able to walk up and down the stairs (per doctors orders) all day, just once down at night and back up. The excitement for today was that Tristan took a pacifier (aka "paci" per Tanner and Tayden). We are so proud of him, this is such an accomplishment! We have noticed that he turns his head and sucks on his feeding tube all the time so we mentioned it to the geneticist yesterday and he said that we should try a preemie pacifier and a preemie bottle and see if he'd take it. The bottle feeding started off great, he was sucking the nipple without any problem but then we quickly realized he was not swallowing the formula so we used an aspirator and removed the formula from his mouth, therefore we're obviously going to stick to the feeding tube. We knew from research that most Trisomy 18 babies have the ability to suck but not swallow but it was worth trying. We then tried the pacifier and he loved it! He is so cute just sucking away, actually it sounds like he's smacking (By the way, the little doggie in the picture was given to Tristan by his big brothers, Tanner and Tayden. We bought Tanner one when he was born and then he bought Tayden one when he was born, so they bought Tristan one - it's a family tradition!) Tonight my mom and step-dad came over. My mom held Tristan for 2 hours while my step-dad took Tanner up to the playground, here in our neighborhood, and they played ball and played on the swings and monkey bars. It was great for Tanner to have some time away and able to spend it with his grandpa and just have fun, away from the reality of everything going on here at home - we have to keep reminding ourselves that although he has dealt with all of this so well since August, he is still just an 11 yr. old boy who loves and needs to have fun. Then my parents took Tanner to dinner and shopping. They came back with 2 preemie outfits and 2 "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments (1 for the family tree and 1 for Tristan's tree). Because we didn't know if Tristan would be born alive or come home we had asked, early on, that no one in the family buy him anything because I didn't want to have it at the house and I definitely didn't want to return anything - that would just break my heart, so now that he's made it this long my family is having fun buying a few things for Tristan. Again, as promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas by listening to Christmas music while we ate dinner and then we let Tanner spend time downstairs with Trayc's mom and we spent time upstairs in our room holding Tristan and taking pictures. Please continue to pray for Trayc's mom as she takes the "night hours", please pray for Tristan's strength, please pray for snow in the mountains (ha ha) and pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

THANK YOU to everyone who commented on our blog (or personally emailed us) re: our appt. with the geneticist yesterday. It was such an encouragement to Trayc as his heart was so broken! Yes, there are great doctors out there, but the Lord Jesus Christ is still and will always be in control. He is the only one who truly knows Tristan's time here with us and although we can appreciate their wisdom we cannot let it become our main focus or we'll miss out on the here-and-now and we cannot do that, we must continue "living in the moment" and enjoying every day He has given us with our miracle baby. The comments and prayers mean so much to us on a daily basis as we continue to travel this uncertain road.

Day 11 - Memorizing Tristan's face

Trayc and I took the "night hours" last night and let his mom sleep so that she could help me today and Trayc could return back to work for at least the next 2 days. Tristan had another great night, however, Trayc and I are very tired - Tristan has his days and nights mixed up so just as we were ready to turn off the lights he decided that he was ready to wake up, be BRIGHT-EYED and very alert and then he started crying. Of course, I can't just let him lay there sad, after all, he just wants his mommy to pick him up and love on him, okay that's my explanation to Trayc, but whatever it takes right? So I laid in the bed and held him for 2 hours until he finally fell asleep, all the while just looking at him, rubbing his cheeks and trying to memorize every precious little feature on his face, praying and thanking Jesus for allowing us another day. Trayc got up this morning and went to work but at 10:00 am he decided to make a phone call to Hospice to see if they were able speak with a geneticist we were referred to by our neonatalogist while at the hospital. Hospice said because this particular doctor was the top geneticists in town (He specializes in Trisomy 18 children) it would be very hard to get an appt. before March but we might be able to get a phone conference with him sooner than March. We thought March? We are only promised today with Tristan we can't wait that long! So Trayc decided to call the doctor's office directly and when he introduced himself to the medical assistant she said that the doctor was very familiar with our case and that he was anxious to meet with us and they had a cancellation for today at 2:00 pm. Can you see the blessing here? I truly believe the Lord allowed a cancellation for today because He knew we needed to talk to the doctor today, in person, not wait until March. We had never considered meeting with the geneticist before now, but when we came home from the hospital I told Trayc my biggest fear now is that we've been sent home with a Trisomy 18 baby and that's all we know. There are so many different things I've read on the Internet and received tons of information from other moms, like treatment for "blue spells" and the apnea monitors, etc. that no medical doctor has ever told me about, so as a mom I feel a little misinformed at this point and I don't ever want to feel like I missed doing something because we just didn't have the knowledge from a doctor. I mean, do we need to do any heart tests regarding the .4 mm hole we know he had back in August? Do we follow-up with any specialist other than Hospice? Is there any kind of treatment we should be doing to avoid the "blue spells"? Can we leave the house? Can we have visitors? What signs of distress do we look for? There are just so many questions now that we have Tristan home and I just wanted someone to be upfront and honest and tell us what to look for and expect from here because this is a road we've never traveled before. Trayc and I made a joint-decision early on in our pregnancy that Tristan would never have any kind of surgery or invasive procedure because we know the Lord is in control of this and He has given us Tristan as our miracle baby for whatever time He gives us, but at the same time I want to make sure we are fully aware of everything we need to know for as long as we have him. Trayc left work, came home, got Tristan and I and we headed to the appt. We met with the doctor for an hour. He was very nice, sensitive to our situation and yet at the same time honest and straight forward. He said that although Tristan's little features do look normal, he is a Trisomy 18 baby. He could tell by his little fingers that his hands have always been clenched which tells him everything to do with Tristan's little brain and how it is functioning. He said that he believes we will have a little time with him but just as we have already seen a little routine beginning to develop, we will begin to slowly see a degression in him over time, not just an automatic passing away. I guess for me we've been to so many pregnancy appts. that I have learned to never go in with high expectations, therefore I was not expecting any more or any less than what the doctor said today and nothing really caught me off guard. On the other hand, my sweet, precious, optimistic, Godly Christian husband has been earnestly praying since August 15th that Tristan would be the exception to the rule and to the Trisomy 18 statistics, that he would be like some of the stories we've read on the T-18 Foundation that lived for years! So imagine his heart as the doctor is talking to us. As the doctor left the room he literally broke down. I looked at him and said, "What's wrong?" He said, "I feel like the rug was just pulled out from under us and we lost any chance of having him longer, I just thought that because he looks so perfect and normal on the outside that there might just be a chance". Now, if you're a wife and have ever seen your husband break down and cry you will completely understand how I was feeling in that moment, all of a sudden I felt all of his pain and disappointment and it was crushing! Trayc has been the stronghold, the rock, the one who has held this family together emotionally since we found out about Tristan on August 15th. I have cried more tears than you can count and he has just held me in his arms, loved me and encouraged me day after day. On the way home he said, "I'm sorry for breaking down and for not being strong, I know it is so selfish of me to want more than the Lord has already given us, I just don't know how I'm going to let go of him?" I told him that I do understand and that I don't know how we'll let go either, and that it's okay that he is allowing himself to feel all of this. I believe the Lord has made it possible for him to be so strong because I needed him to be that for me since August, but today I was feeling great and strong and although the news was straight forward and very hard for me to hear and to accept, I was okay and I would be strong for both of us today. As promised, we celebrated Christmas tonight by listening to Christmas music during dinner and then because of the emotions we were feeling we let Tanner spend some time with Trayc's mom downstairs and we went upstairs, got in bed and held Tristan for 3 hrs. just looking at him and again trying to memorize every feature on his face, holding hands, crying bittersweet tears, talking about our entire pregnancy, and thanking the Lord for given us another wonderful day with our little miracle! Please pray for Trayc's mom as she takes the "night hours" tonight, please pray for Tristan's strength and MOST IMPORTANTLY please pray for my sweet husband, Trayc, as he deals with all the emotions he is now allowing himself to feel and that the Lord will just comfort him in the most incredible way!!!!

Day 10 - Enjoying every single moment

When I woke up this morning I realized the date was December 12th, this was originally supposed to be the day Tristan was born but due to the extra 4 weeks of fluid in my stomach and Tristan's stomach measuring 6 weeks behind the doctor was afraid Tristan may not make it until the 12th. I am so glad we moved it up and that we have already been able to share 10 days with him. The Lord is just blessing our family in the most unbelievable way. During my pregnancy we prayed that if God's plan would be better served by taking Tristan's little life early then we would accept that and if His plan would be better served by allowing him some time with us then we would honor and glorify the Lord in all that we did. Therefore, in obedience and thankfulness to the Lord we are enjoying every single moment we have with Tristan and thanking Him for it all day, as we remain in a prayerful spirit. Tristan had a great day and he is just amazing us as he becomes a little more alert each day. I had a follow up doctors appt. at 8:30 am this morning. My doctor said I was doing great - no fluid in my lungs and my hemoglobin level was 11.0, it was 8 in the hospital when they ordered the 2 blood transfusions, so this was great news. Now I'm just waiting for my energy to kick in, the doctor said it could take at least 3-4 more weeks due to the amount of blood loss, I just thought "new blood" meant I'd feel like a new person, immediately! The excitement for today was that we received the pulse oximeter from Hospice which will alarm when, and if, his heart rate slows down, he stops breathing or when his oxygen level gets too low. We had a Respiratory Therapist come to the house and teach us how to use it. I am hoping it will allow me to be a little less afraid to walk away from Tristan, at this point someone is watching him 24 hrs. a day. I realize it has the tendency to go off even if it's not "an emergency" but I would rather it alert us and there not be a need to rush to assistance than to not know what is going on. I know there is going to come a time I must completely release that fear and trust the Lord to take care of Tristan but it's just to soon for me right now not to worry 24 hrs a day that he might stop breathing and I couldn't help him. This brings back so many memories of when Tanner was born 11 yr. ago, he was 4 weeks early and only weighed 5 lbs. Although he was a healthy baby we still had him sleeping between us for the first 6 weeks so that we could watch him breath, so as you can imagine my fear is so much greater with Tristan. During my daily quiet time I am asking the Lord to calm my fears and allow me to not worry as much. As promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas tonight by listening to Christmas music during dinner and then Tayden was so tired from today that he went to bed early so Trayc and I spent some time upstairs with Tristan while Tanner and Trayc's mom spent time quality time together downstairs. Trayc and his brother own a tile, stone and granite company so fortunately he has been able to take off work for the past 10 days, however he is going to work for the next 2 days so we are taking the "night hours" tonight and allowing his mom to sleep so that she can help me tomorrow. Please pray for us as we take the "night hours", please pray that Trayc's mom will sleep well tonight, please pray for Trayc's mom and I as we take care of Tristan without Trayc tomorrow, please pray for Tristan's continued strength, and please pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Thank You: To our doctors/nurses

As we drove to the hospital, Baptist South of Jacksonville, Florida, on Monday, December 3, 2007 at 9:30 am we were full of excitement as we knew THIS would be the day we had been longing for and praying about since August, the day we would finally be able to hold our precious baby boy, Tristan, and yet at the same time for me there was a great fear - the fear of what the day would hold. After we found out about Tristan having Trisomy 18, I began praying specifically for 2 things in regard to the hospital: (1) that we would have the "big room" at the end of the hallway(I couldn't remember the room #) so that all of our family members could be in one room at the same time with plenty of space and so that we would be completely isolated from all of the other new parents with healthy babies and (2) that the nurses taking care of us would completely understand our situation and would sympathize with us, when and if needed. Our expectations were more than met as we entered the 3rd floor Labor & Delivery. We were greeted by a group of nurses with smiling faces saying "Good morning" and then they introduced us to our first nurse, Jen, who was so sweet as she talked to us, calmed my fears and walked us down the hallway to our room. She said, "You'll love your room, you have the big room which you will need with all of your family" (you couldn't miss all of my family walking behind us). I said, "Is it the end room?" She said, "Yes, you know the room?" I said, "Yes, we've seen it before but more importantly I've been praying for this room since August 15th!" She said, "You have?" This was the beginning of what was the most incredible hospital stay we've ever experienced. We've had both our boys at Baptist with the same doctors and with nice nurses but nothing compares to what we experienced for 5 days last week. On our wedding day back in October 1990, we had a couple sing the song "Holy Ground". When we look back on our hospital stay, from the moment we entered the doors of the 3rd floor Labor & Delivery and were met by our nurse Jen, to the moment our nurse, Rani, wheeled me outside to our car and hugged us all goodbye, this is what it felt like to us. Here are the words to that song:

As I walked through the door, I sensed His presence
and I knew this was a place where love abounds
for this is the temple, Jehovah God abides here
and we are standing in His presence on holy ground.
We are standing on holy ground
and I know there are angels all around,
let us praise Jesus now,
we are standing in His presence on holy ground.
In His presence, there is joy beyond all measure,
at His feet peace of mind can still be found,
if you have a need I know He has the answer,
reach out and claim it for we are standing on holy ground.
Let us praise Jesus now,
we are standing in His presence,
we are standing in His presence,
we are standing in His presence on holy ground.

• To my doctors: Dr. Wilford E. Paulk, we appreciate all of your support and encouragement as we met with you every 2 weeks from August 15th to Nov. 29th for sonograms and appts. We realize we came to our appts. with lots of questions and sometimes asked the same questions over and over, week after week, trying to comprehend all that we would be facing in the days ahead and for all the times I was emotional, thank you for understanding and for your soft, sweet reassurance as we traveled this uncertain journey with our precious baby boy. The Lord truly blessed us with you and we hope you know how much we love and appreciate everything you have done for us and for our miracle baby boy, Tristan! AND to Dr. Joseph C. Greenhaw, thank you for being so sweet and comforting from the moment they took me into the OR for the c-section, through all of my unexpected complications, for helping me understand the need of having 2 blood transfusions and calming my fears about it, for joining hands with us and our nurse, Lisa, as she prayed regarding the transfusions and for being excited and sharing in our joy on the last day as we prepared to take our precious baby boy, Tristan, home. The Lord truly blessed us with you and we hope you know how much we love and appreciate everything you have done for us and our miracle baby boy, Tristan! May the Lord continue to bless both of you as you do what the Lord has called you to do, help bring life - especially miracle babies like Tristan - into this world.
  

• To our sweet Christian nurses: Lisa, Katie, Brenda. Our hearts are overwhelmed with gratitude for what you three mean to us. Your DAILY support, love, hugs, tears (when we cried), your prayers with us and especially your prayers while you stood over Tristan means more than we can ever express. We truly believe the Lord placed each one of you in our room - Room 336 - for a purpose, His purpose, and we appreciate you allowing the Lord to work through you and to use you in our lives and the lives of our family members while we were in the hospital for 5 days. As you know, I had a lot of emotional moments, and moments I was scared when Tristan had his "blue spells" and nervousness when I was told "it was imperative" I receive 2 transfusions and then add my physical weakness to all of that, yet every moment you were all there encouraging me and loving me never pushing me to do more than I could do and never expecting me to emotionally act in a way that I could not. May the Lord continue to bless each of you as you do what the Lord has called you to do, taking care of new moms and new babies - especially miracle babies like Tristan. We hope you three and the entire 3rd floor Labor & Delivery staff enjoyed the Peterbrooke Chocolate basket, just a little thank you gift from Trayc and I and my parents, The Makepeaces.
  

• To everyone else we came in contact with during our stay (registration personnel, nurses that were not personally assigned to us, neonatalogists, dietary deliveries, etc.): Thank you for your sweet spirit every time you entered our room, for understanding our situation and for sharing in our joy and excitement of our miracle baby boy, Tristan. It was greatly appreciated!
  

Day 9 - Opening up my heart

We've made it to Day 9 and Tristan has had another great day! We have increased his feedings to 19 ml every 3 hours. He is now able to maintain his body temp. for about 2 hours while he is out of his bassinet. There are about 3 hours, off and on, during the day that he is VERY alert, with both his little eyes wide open and he just looks all around, it is so comforting to me - how do I feel such overwhelming love being returned back to me, through Tristan's little eyes, when he can't even speak a word? The only way I know to answer that is the Lord Jesus has completely opened up my heart to feel all that I am feeling. Before Tristan was born I was afraid to allow myself to really feel much because I was so scared of being vulnerable with my heart and afraid that if I did I would be devastated if I never had the opportunity to hold him, love him and tell him through my words and through my touch how much I loved him and was so proud of him for being our "little fighter" and making it to the end. But since he was born last Monday I have, day-by-day, allowed my heart to become open to all that I feel and it is just amazing! We didn't really have much excitement today we just kind of relaxed and rested all day. Again, as promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas by listening to Christmas music while we ate dinner and then, so that Trayc's mom could get some more rest, we went upstairs and just spent time holding Tristan, taking lots of pictures of the 3 boys and talking about how thankful we were that the Lord has given us these past 9 days. Please continue to pray for Trayc's mom as she takes the "night hours", please pray for Tristan's strength, and pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 8 - Tristan is one week old

Happy Birthday to Tristan - he is one week old TODAY!!!!! It is so hard to believe that we entered the hospital doors exactly one week ago, not knowing what we would face in the week ahead and yet here we are celebrating and rejoicing that our precious baby boy has made it 8 days. These have been the most incredible 8 days of our lives. Our hearts are just overwhelmed with love for Tristan. Although I would have never chosen this road for myself I am so thankful that the Lord trusted Trayc and I to be the parents of this very special little boy and has allowed us the opportunity to see and feel the awesome power of His miracles. Tristan had another great day and we increased his feeding to 18 ml. The excitement for today was that Peggy McAteer, the photographer from "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" organization, and her wonderful assistant Mark, came to our house tonight at 5:00 pm to take family Christmas pictures. When we first met with Peggy back in October, to schedule our prenatal and our hospital pictures, she had also mentioned that she would love to come to our house and take family pictures of us when we got home. Honestly, I never believed it would happen - I guess I just didn't have enough faith to believe we'd ever leave the hospital with Tristan, even though I so badly wanted to. So, imagine the joy in my heart as we sat in our home, in front of our Christmas tree and took family pictures tonight, not as a family of 4 but thank you Jesus for allowing it to be a family of 5!!!!!!! The pictures will be ready for us in a few days and we will make Birth Announcement/Christmas Cards with those pictures. After they left we took some more family pictures just so we could have them to look at right now (that's what we posted above). Again, as promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas by listening to Christmas music during dinner and then we just stayed at the table for another hour enjoying a sweet time of sharing, eating dessert and watching Tanner draw some artwork out of a gift Trayc's mom gave him. Please pray for Trayc's mom as she continues taking the "night hours" so that we can sleep, please pray for continued strength for Tristan and please pray for us as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 7 - The bassinet once forgotten

Oh, it is so good to have Trayc's mom staying with us to take the "night hours"!!!!! My entire nine months of pregnancy was spent with many, many restless nights with the last 2 months of my pregnancy only getting about 4 hours of sleep a night due to the size of my stomach (4 weeks of extra fluid). Then in the hospital, due to all of my complications, I only got about 3-4 hours of sleep a night so basically I have not had a great night sleep since March - that's a long time. I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I went to bed at 11:00 pm and slept until 9:00 am. this morning! Obviously I felt very rested today (Thank you to my sweet mother-in-law). Tristan is doing so good. He had another great day. His feeding increased from 15 ml to 17 ml and he is maintaining his own body temp. Today he was very alert - he opened both eyes real wide and followed us as we moved, it was priceless! He makes this little sound when he's hunger or has a dirty diaper that honestly sounds like a little kitten and Tayden, our 1 1/2 yr. old, runs over to Tristan (with one hand stretched out) touches the blanket and says "kitty", he's right that's exactly what it sounds like. I never said the word "BABY" to Tayden during my pregnancy because first I knew he didn't understand I was pregnant and second was afraid that if Tristan didn't make it then it would just break my heart to hear him say the words. But since Tristan was born alive and we were at the hospital for a week all of our family kept saying "See the baby?" Well, this morning when I woke up I heard him in his room talking and he said, "Baby" "Baby" "Baby" (3 xs in a row). It was soooo cute and music to my hears!!!! We were not able to go to my grandparent's house last night and pick-up the bassinet so today Trayc picked it up. Therefore, the excitement for today was that we were able to set up the bassinet once forgotten. I never dreamed we'd be setting it up and using it for Tristan, what an exciting moment for our family and truly another miracle the Lord has allowed us to experience. And, again as promised to Tanner, we celebrated Christmas. After dinner the boys changed into their matching "Nascar" P.J.'s, we listened to Christmas music, I sat on the couch holding Tristan and Trayc and the boys sat on the floor so the boys could open lots of gifts from Trayc's mom and grandma and we took lots and lots of pictures. We are just enjoying every minute we have and living "in the moment". Please continue to pray for Trayc's mom as she takes the night hours which allows us to be rested for the next day and for our family as we face another new day tomorrow.

Day 6 - Relaxing day!

Tristan slept between Trayc and I last night in that we did not have the bassinet here at our house (we had left all the baby stuff at my grandparent's house back in August, not sure if we would bring Tristan home). So, we made him a palate out of Tayden's changing table pad until we could get the bassinet. We took turns watching him all night. He is doing extremely well with the tube feeding, where he was originally at 10 ml in the hospital, he has now increased to 15 ml and has had no "blue spells" since Tuesday. We are still trying to figure things out like how to maintain his body temp. so that he doesn't get too cold, we are used to the hospital warmer being on 24 hrs a day which automatically kept his temp. maintained. We have spent the day just relaxing, catching up on emails, updating our blog with entries/pictures, unpacking from the hospital and taking turns just holding, loving on and praying over Tristan. In our prayer tonight Tanner said, "and Jesus we don't have much to offer to you but we bring Tristan to you and place him at your feet as our offering" and "we thank you for giving us just another wonderful day, day 6, with Tristan". Wow, Tanner's 11 yr. old - just when sometimes you wonder if what we attempt to teach on a daily basis is really sinking in and then he prays like that ... what more could any parent ask for? We are so very, very proud of Tanner for the way he has handled and accepted this entire journey since August 15th. We have known since the beginning that this would be a lot for any 11 yr. old to understand and accept but we have tried and will continue to try and lead, guide and teach him through this time and in the end hope and pray that we have taught him to love, trust and obey Jesus no matter the circumstance and He will bless you more than you can even imagine. Trayc's mom will begin staying with us tonight and take care of Tristan during the night hours so that we can sleep and be prepared and rested for the next day. Please continue to pray for Tristan that we will have another day with him, please pray that we will be able to find an easy way to maintain his body temp., please pray for Trayc's mom as she begins taking care of Tristan tonight and pray for us as a family as we face a new day tomorrow.

Still Day 5 - Celebrating Christmas

Early on we promised Tanner that if we brought Tristan home from the hospital we would celebrate Christmas every night in December. So after dinner tonight the boys changed into their matching "doggie" P.J.'s, we dressed Tristan in an outfit his cousins gave him today , we sat on the couch and listened to Christmas music, the boys each opened a gift and we took lots of pictures. We ended our family's Christmas celebration with having special prayer thanking Jesus for allowing the following: (1) Tristan to be born alive, (2) Tristan still being with us on Day 5, (3) Tristan being able to leave the hospital, (4) Tristan being able to come home and (5)Tristan being able to celebrate our First Christmas with him. We cannot even begin to tell you the excitement we have felt celebrating this evening, although realizing this might be the only Christmas we have with him, we made it one we will forever remember. Please continue to pray for us us we face each new and uncertain day ahead.

Day 5 - We brought Tristan home!

Praise the Lord - Tristan passed his jaundice test and I was completely cleared by my doctors! It has been a very long week for all of us in that we had hoped to be leaving the hospital on Wednesday morning. Today was a miracle, we honestly never expected to be leaving the hospital with our precious baby boy Tristan. Back on August 15th when we found out about Tristan having Trisomy 18 leaving the hospital empty handed is something I greatly feared and yet we did leave, not empty handed but with our precious baby in my arms, holding him so tightly to my chest and smiling the biggest smile I ever have as we excited the hospital doors and pulled up to our home. You can only imagine the excitement that filled our hearts and the hearts of all of our family. From the beginning, our two greatest prayers were for Tristan to be born alive and allow our family members to see him alive and that was really all we asked the Lord for. As the week continued we started praying for more, that the Lord allow us to leave the hospital and take Tristan home so that we could celebrate Christmas with him. We made it home and we are celebrating Christmas starting tonight!!!!!!!

Day 4 - Peaceful day until ...

After a long day yesterday we had Yvette's mom and my mom spend the night at the hospital with hopes of once again getting some much needed rest. Our moms left at 10:00 am this morning because Yvette had an easier night and Tristan had no more episodes or problems. Yvette is still very weak and anemic, her blood pressure is still high and she has developed some fluid in her lungs. We had originally planned to go home today but due to all of Yvette's complications the doctors will not release her until she is completely stable. Because we have had several rough days all of our family members felt it was best for them to stay home and let us have some "peace and quiet". It was a very peaceful day with no additional complications for Yvette but after Tristan's jaundice test results were received at 1:00 pm the neonatalogist informed us that he needed to spend 24 hours (straight) under the Billi-lights. We completely understand the reason for this, however, this became VERY DEVASTATING news to Yvette in that she has been unable to hold Tristan much since he was born on Tuesday due to of her own complications and because she had set several goals for herself last night: (1)be able to have the strength to get out of bed for the first time since Monday, (2) be able to get off oxygen (3)be able to pass the inhaler incentive test, (4) be able to eat solid foods (5) be able to walk to the couch (6) and most importantly, be able to hold Tristan all day!!!! After the neonatalogist understood Yvette's disappointment she allowed her to hold him twice that day, although this was not what Yvette had originally hoped for, it was better than not holding him at all. We were really hoping to go home first thing in the morning but now we will have to wait until the jaundice test is administered at 6:00 am, and results received at 8:00 am, to determine Tristan's levels before he could be released and Yvette will have to pass several tests in regard to her lungs, kidneys, blood pressure, etc. before she could be released. Please pray for us this evening as this has all been emotionally hard for Yvette, in that we were emotionally prepared for anything that Tristan would bring us, but we never really considered Yvette having any complications because she's had 2 previous and uneventful c-sections.
We love you all. (Written/posted by Trayc Hostetter)

Day 3 - A long night

As I mentioned yesterday, Yvette's mom stayed with us last night so that we could some sleep, however, what was supposed to be a night of much needed rest quickly became anything but that. We did not go to sleep until midnight due to Yvette's nausea and weakness from the transfusions. As Tristan's 4:00 AM feeding rolled around we entered into the darkest part of our journey so far. Earlier on we had attempted to bottle feed with no success due to Tristan's small size and lack of ability to suck, therefore we had no option but to tube feed. As we began administering the 4:00 AM feed we quickly realized that all of his feedings thus far were backed up into his stomach and he began aspirating his formula. As his little body quivered the neonatologist and I quickly removed all the tubes and began suctioning out his airways and stomach as Tristan stopped breathing and quickly turned a dusky shade of blue. Fortunately God gave Tristan the strength to fight his way through and after some aggressive massage and a little oxygen "blow by" his color began to return and God extended his stay. Thirty minutes later we began to realize that the root of his problem had not been solved. As he had his second apnea episode. In while we cleared his airways and stomach, the problem lie in the fact that every meal that he had eaten up to that point was backed up in his intestines because he had not yet eliminated the "tar like" meconium. We decided to give him glycerin to help him produce stools, and release the pressure in his distended bowels and allow for greater expansion of his lungs. Between 4:30 and 11:00 Tristan stopped breathing eight times and had to be assisted. Once his poops increased, his stomach decreased and he was incident free for the remainder of the day. Yvette and I had read about "blue spells" through other families experiences and I must say, it was more terrifying than I could have imagined. Thank you Father, it wasn't his time. We have since begun checking for residual undigested food from the previous meal before we begin his next feeding. Maybe tonight some rest will come.
(Written and posted by Trayc Hostetter)

Day 2 - Tristan's 1st Birthday Party

As Yvette and Tristan rest, I wanted to post an update. As I mentioned yesterday, Yvette lost alot of blood during her c-section, more than twice what is normal. In addition, the doctors considered her to be "dry" first because she had nothing to eat or drink from Sunday night until the delivery, second because of the amount of fluid lost during her surgery. That and the loss of blood caused her hemoglobin levels to drop dangerously low. After praying with our nurse Lisa and our doctor, we decided that it was imperative that she be given two blood transfusions. Through all of this, Tristan, "our little fighter" remained stable. This morning Tanner and I went down stairs to the gift shop so he could buy his baby brother his first "happy birthday" balloon. Our family members visited with us all day and at 5:00 pm we joined hands in prayer and thanked the Lord for the miracle that He has given us over the past 29 hours that Tristan has been alive. We all sang happy birthday, took pictures and ate birthday cake. Yvette's mom will stay with us tonight so that she can watch Tristan and we can sleep. Please continue to pray for us as we approach a new day.
We love you all. (Written/posted by Trayc Hostetter)

Day 1 - Tristan's Birthday

Today is Tristan's birthday! We checked into the hospital at 10:00 am and were met by all of our family members. The nurse checked us in and got us settled into our room and then one by one our family members came in to pray and visit with us. We were taken to the O.R. at 12:00 noon. Tristan Asher Hostetter was born by c-section at 12:42 this afternoon. He weighed 4 lbs. and 4 oz., he was 16.5 inches long and has dark brown colored-hair. While Yvette,Yvette's sister (Kim) and I were in the O.R., our family members gathered together in the waiting room from 12-1:00 holding hands, reading scripture, and praying earnestly for us. We could feel the prayers and the presence of the Lord completely surrounding us today - we are so grateful for godly Christian families that has been passed down to us by generations and generations before us. As you can imagine this day was gone before we knew it. Please be in prayer for Yvette as her blood pressure is very high due to a high loss of blood during the c-section. Tanner & I are taking shifts watching and praying over Tristan tonight so Yvette can get some much needed rest. I cannot begin to express the gratitude in our hearts for each and every one of you that has prayed our family to this point. Please continue praying for us in the days ahead.
We love you all. (Written/posted by Trayc Hostetter)

Heading to the hospital

We are just minutes away from walking out the door and heading to the hospital to have our precious baby boy, Tristan. We have waited for this day since we found out we were pregnant on April 10th, however we have longed for this day even more since we found out on August 15th that he would be born with Trisomy 18. We honestly did not know if we would even make it to today but we have, thanks and praise to the Lord for allowing us the opportunity to still have Tristan with us, alive and kicking inside of me!!!! I would love to say that I got a lot of much needed sleep last night in preparation for today but I cannot, however it was not for any reason other than the mere fact that Tristan kicked ALL NIGHT, but what a blessing! There have been several nights, the past week and half, that I did not feel him kick much during the day and then by night time it just seemed to disappear and then slowly start back the next day. Trayc and I laid in bed many nights trying to move my stomach around, push on it and then I would try to drink O.J. and when that didn't work I'd drink Dr. Pepper and then if that didn't work I'd drink the ultimate sugar boast, Mountain Dew, just to feel him. Because we became concerned, and honestly very scared, we went to the hospital last Sunday morning to be sure everything was okay. After checking, his heart rate was 142, same as always however since then we have been extremely concerned that we may not make it to today. Needless to say, because of that it has been a week and a half of "roller coaster emotions" just praying he would survive to today, that is why I say that Tristan kicking ALL NIGHT and getting no sleep, the night before he is born was such a huge blessing!!! I laid there feeling every kick, every movement just crying and praying to the Lord thanking Him for bringing us this far. I would ask that you please pray for Trayc and I as parents today in that we do not know what the day will hold, please especially pray for Tanner, he is so excited to be a BIG brother again, but also completely realizes the uncertainty of every minute today - his little 11 yr old heart will be full of excitement and yet sad at the same time, please pray for Tayden (although only 1 1/2 yr old not even understanding that I'm pregnant, he is part of our family, has been a part of this journey and he will be a BIG brother for the 1st time today), please pray that Tristan will be strong enough to make it through the delivery alive, please pray that we will have a very special day with our precious baby boy and enjoy every moment we have him. Please pray for my family, for Trayc's family and for every doctor, nurse and specialist that will be a part of our care-team while we are in the hospital. We would also ask that you continue to pray for us in the upcoming weeks as our journey does not end with the birth of Tristan, we will begin a new, different and very uncertain journey today but are confident that the Lord will continue to carry us on that new journey just as he has carried us every day of my pregnancy. We will update our blog as soon as possible today.

SPECIAL REQUEST: We have 25 family members that will be at the hospital ALL DAY today and because we do not know what today, nor the upcoming days, will hold and how long we will have with Tristan we are asking that only our family members join us at the hospital but we greatly appreciate every person who has offered to be there.

The day before

Today is "the day before" Tristan will be born. We are just going to spend a relaxing morning at home as a family (in that this will be the last day we are all 4 together until possibly Thursday), finalize our packing for the hospital, attend Tanner's Christmas musical at church tonight and end the evening with a special time of prayer for our unborn baby boy, Tristan. To be honest, I am filled with such mixed emotions right now. Part of me is so excited because I cannot believe I will finally be holding Tristan in my arms tomorrow, then there is a part of me that is a little scared about the unknown of tomorrow and then there is a part of me that will really miss feeling Tristan kick all day and night, knowing he is safe and alive inside of me, so I want to stay pregnant! However, with all of these mixed emotions running through my head, I still have a very real sense of peace and I am completely trusting in the Lord to carry us in the upcoming days, no matter what that might entail. Please keep us in your prayers as we spend this last day together as a family and finish preparing for tomorrow.

Greatly appreciative

As we are quickly approaching the birth of Tristan I just wanted to let everyone know that we have greatly appreciated every phone call, every email, every letter, every comment on our blog, every deed that has been done, every new friendship formed, every Internet friend made and certainly every prayer that has been lifted up to the Lord on behalf of our family and our precious unborn baby boy, Tristan. It has meant so much to us and been a great source of comfort and encouragement to know that there are so many people, ones we know personally and ones we don't, that have been on this journey with us since August. We pray that every word we have spoken and every word we have typed has in some way touched your lives and encouraged you and has ultimately honored and gloried the Lord Jesus Christ. Although when we first started out on this "Trisomy 18 road" on August 15th it was filled with total devastation, depression, sadness and deep sorrow the Lord has turned our tragedy into such a sweet blessing and true miracle, we will always remember this as a sweet journey chosen by the Lord, especially for our family. We not only feel chosen but honored that the Lord has entrusted in Trayc and I, as Tristan's parents, the ultimate task of carrying Tristan to full-term knowing we would, no matter how short his life may be, always honor Him in every decision we made. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as we approach the last 2 days of our pregnancy and look forward to Tristan's birth on Monday.

Special prayer request: The Luce family (Poppy Joy)

As I mentioned in my entry dated October 1st, while on this "Trisomy 18 road", I have had the opportunity to become very good "Internet friends" with Angie Luce. She and Nathan went to the hospital at 3:00 a.m. this morning due to Angie having contractions that started at 12:30 a.m. and her doctor decided to admit her. She will be having a c-section at 10:00 a.m. I would ask that you join me in prayer ALL DAY as they await the arrival of their precious daughter, Poppy Joy!!!! Please pray for Angie, Nathan, for their 2-year old daughter, Marianna, and for all of their extended family members that will be joining them today. Also, please pray that Poppy Joy will be born alive, that her heart rate will remain strong, that they will be able to share some "unforgettable moments" with her, that Poppy Joy will be strong enough to leave the hospital and that the entire Luce family will feel a sense of total peace from the Lord. They have a post on their blog from this morning at 6:52 am and I know they will update their blog as soon as possible, as will I.

******UPDATE*******

We went out this afternoon and spent the day as a family buying last minute things we need for the hospital on Monday and just returned this evening at 9:30 pm. I rushed in and ran to the computer to check on Angie only to find the news I was NOT expecting to find, Poppy Joy had gone home to be with Jesus!!!! Oh my heart just aches for the Luces right now. I am in mere shock and yet I am reminded again of the reality and sadness of this disorder. And then a part of me is excited that their 2 greatest desires were fulfilled - that she would be born alive and that she would be able to spend time with her family. And how sweet it was for Marianna to ask to hold Poppy, especially being only 2 yr old., what a blessing and I am sure a sight in Angie and Nathan's eyes that will never be forgotten. Please continue to pray for the Luces while they remain in the hospital this week, for Angie to quickly heal from the intense surgery today, as they prepare to leave the hospital and especially for them as they face the upcoming weeks. For the complete birth and home-going of Poppy Joy please click on their link located to the right, under our family picture.


James 5:16 says: "Confess your faults to one another and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man (friend) availeth much."

A foggy night

I really didn't sleep much last night, I tossed and turned going over and over in my mind all the "unexpected" that happened at our doctor's appt. yesterday. I just kept thinking, we no longer have 13 days until Tristan is born, we only have 4 days!!! I laid there thinking about everything we've been through since we found out about Tristan having Trisomy 18 on August 15th. We honestly did not know if we'd even make it to today because we were told by the "high-risk" doctors that statistics were against us, but we HAVE made it!! Then I was reminded of a comment Trayc made as we were walking out of the grocery store last night, he said, "It certainly is a foggy night" and foggy it was! I laid there thinking, you know that is really what this journey has been like, a foggy night. The road in front of us has been so unclear, and certainly unpredictable. I think back to those first few weeks of total shock, devastation, sadness and depression where all I could do was cry. Day after day I would say to Trayc, "If I just knew what was ahead of us, if I just knew why this was happening, if I just knew what the purpose was, if I just knew what the end result was, I could keep going, I could move forward". Yet, here I am 3 months later, I still do not know the answers to any of my questions, but I have kept going, I have kept moving forward, trusting completely on the Lord to carry us regardless of the "fog" that was before us. And, as we begin that 30-minute drive to the hospital on Monday we will still be heading toward the fog, it will be a road of complete uncertainty not knowing what lies beyond the fog (the hospital doors) but we have to keep going and not get caught up in what we can't see but know that the Lord has gone before us in the hospital and is preparing our way. I was then reminded of a devotion I read a week ago, in a book Trayc surprised me with, called "50 days of Heaven". There is a story on Day 1 that says this:

• In 1952, Florence Chadwick stepped into the waters of the Pacific Ocean off Catalina Island, California, determined to swim to the mainland. An experienced swimmer, she had already been the first women to swim the English Channel both ways. The weather that day was foggy and chilly; Florence could hardly see the boats accompanying her. Still, she swam steadily for fifteen hours. When she begged to be taken out of the water along the way her mother, in a boat alongside, told her that she was close and that she could make it. Finally, physically and emotionally exhausted, Florence stopped swimming and was pulled out. It wasn't until she was aboard the boat that she discovered the shore was less than half a mile away. At a news conference the next day, she said, "All I could see was the fog...I think if I could have seen the shore, I would have made it."
  

This is exactly how I felt in August, if I could just see the shore, I could make it!" The Lord has brought us so far in 3 months and although I would love to know all of the answers to my questions, my prayer as we face these upcoming 4 days is: Lord, please hold us in the palm of your hand as we prepare for Monday, do not let us be focused on the fog that is ahead of us but keep our eyes fixed on you, let us remain faithful and obedient to you, let us continue to feel the peace we have felt for the past 3 months and never give up - I want to make it to the shore regardless of whether I ever know the answer or reason, this side of Heaven.

Philippians 3:13-14 says: "One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus".

*C-section moved to THIS MONDAY*

We had a doctor's appt./sonogram at 1:45 this afternoon. What we thought was going to be just a normal doctor visit asking questions, a sonogram, scheduling one last appt. and leaving was in no way what happened! Overall, the sonogram looked really good. Tristan's heart rate was 142, he now weighs 4 lbs. 13 oz., the fluid in his brain is still the same "little" amount (which is great news!), he is measuring right where he should, however his stomach has basically stopped growing and has now fallen 6 weeks behind and my fluid levels are extremely high. With the combination of the last 2 things the doctor felt as though we needed to move up my c-section to THIS MONDAY, December 3rd at 12:00 noon in hopes that getting Tristan here and giving him some nutrients (sugar water, etc.) it will help build up his strength instead of waiting another 2 weeks and possibly losing him. As you can imagine, all of this last minute information was a little overwhelming, after all I'm a planner - to the extreme, and last minutes changes are very hard for me to adjust to but I have quickly learned since August 15th that on this journey I have had to take it one day at a time and I was again reminded of that today! As we left the doctor's office Trayc and I were both on our phones quickly calling all of our family members and letting them know the change in plans. I did really good until I talked to my sister, Kim, and then I honestly just broke down and started crying. She said, "Sister what's wrong?" I said, "I don't know, I don't think I'm ready, this is too soon, I don't think I'm prepared". Being the strong, sweet pillar of strength she has always been, she said, "Oh sister, you are prepared, you are fine, it's just a little change in plans, but look at it this way, you'll be holding Tristan on Monday and this is what we've all been waiting for, this is the best thing for him, it's going to be okay!". Drying up my tears I said, "I know, I know". (Thank you sister for always being there to lift me up). She's so right, I will be holding Tristan on Monday and I am so excited about that. I finally get to hold him in my arms. I realize that the part of me that is a little scared is because of the uncertainty of the upcoming days and know this is normal, as I have talked to several girls going through this that have felt the same way. I am so thankful we have made it to today, we are 37 weeks and Tristan is still alive, this is a miracle in itself!!! Please pray for us as we are quickly approaching the birth of Tristan, that the peace we have felt the past 3 months will continue to be felt these last few days of my pregnancy, that we will not allow the "fear of the unknown" to overwhelm us and especially pray that Tristan will continue to remain strong because we're almost there!!!

Tristan has his own Christmas tree

Whenever a baby is born in my or Trayc's family, my mother or mother-in-law makes a huge, beautiful bow for the hospital door and then it is hung in their room for years to come, actually Tanner had his up until we moved in August (he told us he is almost a teenager and it would look babyish - he's 11, oh how we long to be older when we're young!) Because of the uncertainty of Tristan's life I did not want to have a bow made for the hospital door, bring it home and then have it in the closet for years to come - that would just be too sad. I wanted something that would be sweet, precious, memorable and something really unique for us to look at every year. So, we came up with the idea of Tristan having his own Christmas tree since he is due in December. We bought a table-top tree, my mom made a little blue bow, Tanner took stickers and made Tristan's name coming down the ribbon and then we added miniature ornaments, miniature lights, a miniature tree skirt and a silver picture-ornament that says "Miracle Gift 2007". Tonight we all sat at the table and decorated the tree, it was fun and really special because we did this for our precious unborn baby boy and the boys did this for their little brother. We will take it to the hospital and place our family picture beside it and then every Christmas we will place Tristan's tree beside our family tree to remember this very special time in our family's life and for the "Christmas miracle" that Tristan is to us. One of our greatest desires since we found out about Tristan having Trisomy 18 was that we want to keep Tristan's life alive in the hearts and minds of our 2 boys, in the years ahead, with special things like the tree we just made and a plaque we just bought and put on our wall that says "I am a dream come true" which will hold a picture of the 3 boys. This is not only for the boys to remember they had a brother but for them to see that no matter the storm's of life, no matter the tragedies in life, no matter the uncertainty of the situation, no matter the statistics given by doctors, no matter the circumstances we face, as Christians, we are to love the Lord Jesus with all our hearts, we are to honor Him in all that we do and we are to trust in His will even when we don't understand and in return the Lord will bless us in ways we cannot even begin to imagine. This time has also become a training opportunity for us, with Tanner, because we realize he is watching us in ALL that we say and do. We want him to see that his mommy and daddy love Jesus and will obey Jesus regardless of the situation and regardless of what we were told by the "high-risk" doctors. As parents, we teach by our example, the power lies not in what we say and teach, but in what we do, it's not in the way we think but in the way we live and believe we must live, teach and raise our children in accordance with the commandments He has given us in His word.

Deuteronomy 6:1,2,5-7 says: "These are the commandments...which the Lord your God commanded to teach you..that thou mightest fear the Lord thy God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments, which I command thee, thou, and thy son, and thy son's son, all the days of thy life...Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart...And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart...And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."

That sure is a BIG tree!

In keeping with tradition, we bought our Christmas tree this weekend. In our old house we only had 8 ft. ceilings so we'd buy a 7-8 ft. tree but end up cutting it down to about 6 1/2 -7 ft. in order to fit, but not this year! Now, in our new house, we have 20 ft. ceilings in our living room which meant, finally, we could have a BIG Christmas tree and not have to trim it down, something I have always dreamed of!!!!! Tanner said, "That sure is a BIG tree mommy!". We had so much fun decorating the house and tree this weekend. Although we do not know what the upcoming weeks will hold with Tristan we decorated the house and tree with great excitement and hope that Tristan might be able to come home from the hospital and we could celebrate at least one Christmas with him, here in our home. We have promised Tanner that if Tristan comes home from the hospital we will celebrate "Christmas" as a family every day!!!! Tanner said, "Mommy, you don't have to buy me presents to open every day, Tristan can be our present, as long as I can have at least some to open on Christmas morning." Oh, the sweet, precious hearts and minds of children!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! Every year my family comes to our house for lunch and we spend the day together, it's really exciting this year because we're in our NEW HOUSE (this picture was taken right before we indulged ourselves with turkey and dressing - notice the hungry faces)!!!! I am very fortunate that all of my family lives here in town, we all go to the same church, sit on the same row and we see each other all the time, but this will probably be the last real "sit down family function" before Tristan is born so I am really looking forward to it. It would have been a lot harder to make it these last few months without all of my family being here for us on a daily basis. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday because it is a time to reflect on what we are thankful for and we certainly have a lot to be thankful for this year. Our life has greatly changed since last Thanksgiving. We put our house (my childhood home of 40 yrs) up for sale in Sept., (the worst housing-market in years), we sold it 6 months later for a little less than we were asking, we lived for "free" at my grandparent's house for 5 months, we were able to get out out of 7 yrs debt , we moved into our first-ever, brand new home and we were able to get pregnant with Tristan without infertility medication. We are also very thankful for all of our extended family, for our sweet Christian home, for the incredible love Trayc and I share, for our 2 very precious boys and for our unborn baby boy, Tristan. Even though this year brought the news of Tristan having Trisomy 18, we are so thankful for the Christmas miracle he will be for us and for the sweet Internet friends that I have made because of his disorder. The Lord has been so good to us this year and for that we are eternally grateful. Please continue to pray for us as we are quickly approaching the final 2 1/2 weeks of my pregnancy. I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving.

Psalm 100 (A Psalm of Thanksgiving) says: Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands! Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before His presence with singing. Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, And His truth endures to all generations.

Doctor's appt.

We had a doctor's appt. at 3:15 this afternoon. This was only an appt. with our doctor, not a sonogram, in that we just had one last week, so all we really know from today is that Tristan's heart rate is still 142 and that he is very much alive and kicking! My fluid levels are now measuring 3 1/2 - 4 weeks ahead so the doctor is concerned that we will NOT make it to our c-section date of December 12th. We are really hoping to at least make it until December 3rd to allow Tristan's lungs to develop more, in that this is what's happening over the next 2 weeks. We are excited that we have made it to 36 weeks, we have almost beat the statistics of "50% of T-18 babies do not make it to full-term alive", something I have been very concerned about since August - we've almost made it!!! Please keep praying for us as we approach the last 3 1/2 weeks that Tristan will continue to grow, gain weight and that he will hang on at least until December 3rd.

Our video testimony

You might recall in my blog entry dated Sunday, November 4th, our pre-recorded video testimony was shown during our 10:20 am church service. Our pastor was preaching in the Book of Judges, Chapter 11, and had asked that we share our story with regard to dedicating Tristan to the Lord. We just received a copy of our testimony and wanted to post it on the blog and share it, in hopes it might encourage someone today, whether you are on this "Trisomy 18 road" or if you just need encouragement because you are going through a difficult time in your life. I know that so many times in my own life, when I would be going through a difficult time, and it seemed as though everyone around me was having a great life, I felt alone, and then to actually hear someone else's story and how they were making it through encouraged me and gave me hope and I didn't feel alone anymore. That is how this whole blogging started for me back in August, reading stories of couples willing to sharing their thoughts, experiences and grief while they were on this "Trisomy 18 road". I found it very comforting and encouraging to hear their words because they knew first-hand what and how I was feeling. Our prayer is that by sharing our testimony, during our time of tragedy, we will encourage others and that ultimately the Lord Jesus will be glorified.

Doctor's appt. and 1 month left

We had a doctor's appt/sonogram at 11:15 this morning. Tristan is still doing really good. His heart rate was 142, he has gained another 1/2 lb., so he now weighs 4 lbs. 3 oz., and all of his measurements are still right where they should be except his stomach is measuring 4 weeks behind (it's only been 2 weeks behind up until today). But the exciting thing today is that there is still the same amount of fluid behind his head, what an answer to prayer, there has been no increase in 2 weeks! The doctor's only real concern today is that I am measuring 3 weeks ahead, I have always measured 2 weeks but it seems to be increasing, obviously the concern is that I could go into labor early. Besides that, overall our doctor is still very impressed with Tristan's progression, as we have been told that a lot of Trisomy 18 babies degress or stop growing by the 7th month. It is so hard to believe that we only have 1 month from today until Tristan is born. When you first find out you're pregnant it's as though the first few weeks seem to go by so slow, yet here we are with only one month left. We are still so excited because we are longing to hold Tristan and see the baby we have so earnestly prayed for every day and yet we also realize we are, in a way, almost at the end of our journey and that we may not have long with Tristan, that's when I wish THIS pregnancy wouldn't end. Please continue to pray for us during this last month that my fluid will not increase so that I DO NOT go into labor early, that we will still feel a peace about Tristan's life, no matter how long or short, that Tristan will continue to grow and gain weight and that he will have the strength to hang on just one more month!

New internet friends

After Tristan was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 on August 15th, I was unable to find anyone here locally to communicate with regarding this very rare genetic disorder so I began doing extensive research on the Internet. I started reading story after story, now I know these stories to be called "BLOGS", of couples whose babies were diagnosed with T-18. As I mentioned in my entry dated Oct. 1st, I found Angie Luce's blog and emailed her. Since then we have become very good friends and her friendship has meant more to me that I can even express, I truly believe the Lord ordained the meeting of this friendship. I have been able to share daily with her my thoughts, feelings and experiences and because we are due at the same time we are walking this road together. Because of comments received from other moms on my blog I have now made several other T-18 "Internet friends" and we are now emailing each other, too. We are moms praying for each other and encouraging each other every day. Sure, we are all at different stages in our pregnancy, some are just beginning this journey and some of us are quickly approaching the end, but we are all still moms asking to be prayed for, searching for answers, looking for comfort and seeking the Lord for His guidance as we face the uncertainty of our future and the time we will have with our precious babies. Who would have ever thought the Internet could be used to encourage moms going through a tragedy!!!!

I would ask that you please add the following names of mom's and babies to your daily prayer list as we face the upcoming months, each story can be read by clicking on their link under our family picture:

• Angie Luce - little girl named "Poppy Joy". Her c-section date is 12/6/07 (poppyjoy.blogspot.com)
  

• Kenzie Stanfield - little boy named "Maddox". She is due in Feb. 2008 (thestanfieldjourney.blogspot.com)

• Kim Summons - little girl named "Mary Grace". She is due in Jan. 2008 (marygracesummons.blogspot.com)

Also, please pray for the following family. They just lost their little boy this past weekend and the service is on Nov. 10th:

• The Edwards - little boy named "Jonathan". Born and passed away on 11/3/07 (jonathanjarededwards.blogspot.com)
  

Galatians 6:2 says: "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

A Season of Prayer

At church yesterday our pastor said that he was calling the month of November, "A Season of Prayer and Thanksgiving". He has asked that as a church family, we be committed to pray. We will receive a prayer card at the close of each Sunday morning service to serve as a guide throughout the week. The verses this week are Psalm 88:1-2: "O Lord God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee: Let my prayer come before thee: incline thine ear unto my cry". Wow, what verses, for us as a family, this is what we did the first few weeks, cry day and night before the Lord asking Him to help us because we didn't know how we would make it to December - yet here we are. This is also the perfect time for this "Season of Prayer" to begin, we only have 5 1/2 weeks of my pregnancy left! Prayer is something we have definitely come to rely on, actually, besides our trust and faith in the Lord, it is truly the only thing we have held on to since we found out about Tristan on August 15th. All we know to do is pray!!!! But knowing what to pray for has been the hard part. In my life, I have always known exactly what I was praying about/for, but this is so different. I mean, do I pray for the Lord to completely heal Tristan? do I pray that the amnio results are wrong and prove to the high-risk doctors that they are not 100% accurate (like we were so adamantly told, without any regard to our emotions!)? do I pray that the Lord's will be done? or do I open up by heart, with the great possibility of being hurt if my requests are not answered, and specifically pray? My heart and emotions have been back and forth since August 15th about whether it is even really possible to know what I want regarding Tristan's precious life. I would have never dreamed of being here, not knowing how long we would have with our baby, but yet I know without a doubt that God chose Trayc and I to be Tristan's parents for a reason, and that I may never know (this side of Heaven) the answer for any of this, therefore all I can really do is pray and trust in His will - obviously, I want the Lord's will to be done because He knows better than we do and He knows the future. Yet this is SO HARD TO PRAY because the desire of my heart, as Tristan's mother, is to only pray for complete healing, after all, no one would want to lose their precious baby! We have received so many cards from people saying they are "praying for a miracle and for complete healing". Of course, after we found out that Tristan would be born with Trisomy 18, my ONLY prayer was for complete healing because I was so devastated that I honestly couldn't see how I would go on if he didn't live and if there wasn't complete healing, but the further I have come emotionally and spiritually, and with the peace I now feel I'm praying differently. I am still praying for complete healing, but at the same time I am opening up my heart to pray for specific "little" miracles in Tristan's life. I realize the Lord, He himself, has the power to completely heal him, but if He does not chose to completely heal him (this side of Heaven) then I am praying: 1) that he makes it to my c-section date of Dec. 12th, 2) that he is born alive, 3) that he lives at least 24 hrs. Wow, as I sit here and type those 3 things I realize how far the Lord has brought me since August 15th, and it is only by God's grace and peace that I can say them. No mother would ever dream of only praying her baby would live 24 hrs. but that is where we are right now, that would be our miracle (as we have been told by doctors that only 50% are born alive and the ones that do only live a few minutes to a few hours). Regardless of Tristan's number of days here on earth, he is our 3rd miracle baby. We have told Tanner, our 11 yr. old (since he was able to talk), that he was our "1st miracle baby" because doctors told us we would never be able to have children, and then when we had Tayden, Tanner said, "Mom, now we have a 2nd miracle baby". Yes, we did and now, even though the future of Tristan's life is so uncertain, he is still our "3rd miracle baby" and we will always refer to him as that. He has already been our family's miracle for so many reasons - the conception of him without infertility medication, that he is still alive today at 34 weeks, that he is continuing to grow and gain weight and that he has touched us in a way that we can't even describe. Our prayer as a family is that our experience as we travel this "Trisomy 18 road" and that Tristan's life, no matter how long or short, will touch people all around the world and that through it all, the Lord Jesus will be honored and glorified!!!

A Bible story and a modern day couple

Two weeks ago we met with our pastor. He already knew about Tristan but we were able to explain in more detail what we are currently going through and asked if he could come to the hospital on the day Tristan is born to do a Baby Dedication. Because we do not know if Tristan will live long enough for a formal Baby Dedication at church we still wanted to dedicate him to the Lord (just as we did with Tanner and Tayden) as we are surrounded by our family members. Our pastor happily agreed. He is currently preaching in the Book of Judges and said that in 2 weeks (which is today) he would be preaching about a father named Jephthah who vowed to the Lord that he would offer up as a burnt offering the next thing that walked through his door, obviously not realizing the next thing that would walk through his door would be his only child, his daughter. Therefore, in obedience to the Lord, Jephthah fulfilled his vow to the Lord. Our pastor asked if we would be willing to do a pre-recorded video taping of our story about Tristan that would be shown during his sermon, to be used as a modern day couple dedicating their child to the Lord. We felt absolutely honored that he would ask us to do this. This morning, during our 10:20 am service, the message will be preached, our video testimony will be shown, the invitation will be given and then our family will go down front so the church can have special prayer for us. Please be praying that our pastor's message will touch many people today, that our video testimony will touch someone - whether it be a couple going through something like Trisomy 18, a couple whose child is ill or whatever the situation, we just pray that the Lord will be glorified today! We do not believe the Lord caused Tristan to have Trisomy 18 but we do believe that the Lord has allowed it and that sometimes He calls us to suffer so that other people will see Him being praised and glorified, even in the midst of a trial.

Judges 11:30-31 says: "And Jephthah made a vow to the Lord, and said, "If you will indeed deliver the people of Ammon into my hands, then it will be that whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the people of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord's, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering."

Judges 11:34 says: "When Jephthah came to his house at Mizpah, there was his daughter coming out to meet him with timbrels and dancing; and she was his only child. Besides her he had neither son nor daughter."

Judges 11:39 says: "And it was so at the end of two months that she returned to her father, and he carried out his vow with her which he had vowed. She knew no man. And it became a custom in Israel."

Tanner's Post: My pumpkin carving

Tanner, our 11 yr. old, asked tonight if he could write something on Tristan's blog, so this is, in his own words, his entry: "Tonight Daddy and I carved our pumpkin. I wanted the face to look like Frankencelery from one of the Veggie Tales movies and I wanted to write all of our names on it, especially Tristan's because I told Mom that he really is here this year, he is inside her stomach. I love being a BIG BROTHER to Tayden and I can't wait for my new little brother, Tristan, to be born. He is Mom and Dad's 3rd miracle baby and we have prayed for him every day. We know that because he has Trisomy 18 he may not be here long, but I hope he can be with us at least a few days before he goes home to be with Jesus. Please keep praying for us."

Doctor's appt.

This morning at 10:15 am we had a doctor's appt. and finally got to speak with the doctor regarding the results from Tuesday's sonogram. He confirmed all of the information about Tristan's weight and size, which he is still very impressed with, and did agree that there was a little bit of fluid behind his head, but said this is very common with Trisomy 18 babies. He said that it was good that this is just now starting because we only have 5 1/2 weeks left so he is hoping that the fluid will slow down, he will be able to determine that at the next sonogram on November 12th. Please be praying that Tristan will continue to gain weight, to grow and that the fluid in his brain will SLOW DOWN!!!!